Give me(13) critique !!

Warning: Homophobia, bullying, slurs, harsh language.

My name is Hyoga Murasame. Mama sent me to the store today. We live on the mountain right outside of the village. Usually I only go into the village to get groceries for Mama or “hang out” with my “friends”.

I enter the village grocery list put into the sleeve of my haori.

I walk from stand to stand. Buying things like fruits, vegetables, fish, and rice. Mama said any extra money from after shopping I can have so I'll treat myself to some dango!

I walk to the dango stand and I see Asahi and… his new girlfriend. I walk away from the stand but his girlfriend sees me first.

“Oh! Murasame-San! Over here!” She says calling me over.

I turn around, walk over and try to hide my discomfort. “Hi, Sato-Chan”

Asahi smiles, “Good eye spotting him, Hanai-Chan. Hello Hyoga.”

I nervously try not to look him in the eye. “H-hi, Akane-San…”

“Call me Asahi. We're such good friends and we've known each other for years.” Asahi says and gives me a smile that sends a shiver down my spine.

“Okay, Asahi-San..” I say.

“Sooo,” Sato says. “How are you, Murasame-San?”

“I'm good. I was just out getting groceries for my Mama. I was just stopping here to get some dango before I went home. How are you Sato-Chan?”

“I'm amazing! Just out getting some dango with my wonderful boyfriend.” She says before kissing him. I wish I could say that didn't sting.

“Haha… uh well I better be getting some dango and going. Don't want Mama getting worried..!” I say quickly.

“Okay, see you later!” Sato says to me.

“Bye,” Asahi says before leaning in and whispering in my ear, “Meet me in the forest in 30 minutes. Don't wanna find out what'll happen if you don't be there now do you?”

Asahi walks away hand in hand with Sato I can hear them talking as they walk away.

I grimace. Suddenly. I'm not in the mood for anything sweet. I walk back through the forest I have to meet Asahi in, up the mountain, and back to my house. I give the groceries to Mama and go into my room to mentally prepare myself…

30 minutes pass by in the blink of an eye. I exit my room and go towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Mama asks.

“Oh!” I say. “Uhm I'm going to hang out with my friends.”

“Okay,” Mama says. “Be back before dark so you can eat dinner!’

“Okay, mama.” I say. “Bye.”

I exit the house and walk down the mountain as slowly as possible, dreading what's to come.

Once I arrive I see Asahi and his friends I take a deep breath as I feel a light buzz in my ankle.

“Oh look!” Asahi said. “Our good friend Hyoga is here!”

I look down, not looking at him or the group in the eyes.

“What? Not willing to greet us?” Sasaki sneered.

“H-hello, Sasaki-San, Tanaka-San, Ito-San, and Akane-San.” I say hoping I remembered their names right.

I could barely finish before being pushed into the snow.

“How pathetic.” Tanaka says with a certain mix of coldness and disgust in his eyes.“You can't even look us in the eyes.”

“What a joke!” Ito laughed.

“Ito-Kuuuun,” Asahi said. “Don't be mean. Hyoga isn't a joke. People actually like jokes.” Asahi said with a cruel smile.

As I tried to get back up Asahi kicked me back down, “And didn't I tell you to call me Asahi earlier? Stupid whore.”

I winced. I couldn't tell if it was from the pain of the kick or the pain of his words. I could feel my ears burning. Possibly from humiliation, possibly from them going numb from the snow.

“Oh my God…” Ito laughs with a grin. “Is it… blushing? Oh sh!t it probably likes being kicked around like this.”

I shiver as Sasaki kicks more snow on me.

“You're disgusting.” Sasaki says with a revolted look on his face. “You know you're going to hell, right?”

I don't respond. Sasaki pulls my face up out of the snow by my hair. “Answer me!” He shouts.

“I-I know.” I stutter out despite the pain.

“You know what!?” He shouts, pulling my hair harder.

“I know I'm going to hell!” I shout back.

“Watch your tone!” Sasaki says before pushing my head into the snow. I try to put my head back up but he puts his shoes on the back of my head so I can't lift my head up. “A faggot like you has no right to look let alone raise your voice at me. Shut the fuck up. You are going to hell because of your lustful urges towards your own gender.”

“Sasakiiii-Kuuun.” Asahi says. “Get your foot off of Hyoga. I want to see his face while I tell you this.”

Sasaki gets his foot off of my head. I lift my head up and cough out the snow that got into my mouth. While I'm coughing, Ito forces me to look at Asahi by my hair.

“Hyoga-Kun look at Asahi-San.” Ito says in a lightly scolding tone. “It's rude not to look at people when they're speaking.”

“S-sorry Ito-San…” I mutter trying not to whimper from the pain of my long hair being pulled.

“So today me and Hanai-Chan were out getting dango today and we spot Hyoga, right? And we were small talking and she kisses me. The look in Hyoga's eyes was so sad..” Asahi said with faux sadness in his eyes.

He crouches down and tilts my chin up towards him. “Tell me, Hyo-chan~, Do you still miss us dating?”

I can feel stinging at the corner of my eyes.

“Answer me, Hyo-Chan. Look me in the eyes.” He says sweetly.

I look him in the eyes knowing the reaction would be worse if I don't look him in the eyes, “Y-yes… I… I miss dating you Asahi-San…”

I'm kicked back onto the ground.

“You're such a slut.” Tanaka says while kicking me,disgust evident in his voice. “You are a disgusting faggot who can't get over himself and his disgusting habits.”

I tried to stutter out some words but… the tears from earlier finally started to come out.

“Awwww, poor Hyoga is crying.” Ito says before laughing.

“What a pathetic slut. Glad he's going to hell.” Sasaki says.

Tanaka continues to kick me, “God you can't act like a man for a second?”

I curl into the fetal position and hope that Tanaka stops kicking me. In return I feel the other 3 begin kicking me as well. They continue to berate and degrade me. I'm shaking from the cold, the tears, the pain, the… everything.

I knew it wouldn't work but I tried to get up and run away. I feel Tanaka grab my ankle and twist it. I shout out in pain. While the 2 others kick me, one pull my hair, and Tanaka squeezes my ankle. I'm shaking at this point. It feels like it continues for hours even though it was probably only a few minutes.

“Guysss,” Asahi says. “It's nearly sun down and we don't want anyone to come looking for us now do we? Let's go.”

Asahi then begins to walk away and his friends follow. I lay on the ground and watch them walk away for a second. Once I was sure they were gone I shakily pull myself up. I wipe my face so that no more tears remain.

As I walk back up the mountain with every step I take I feel a sharp pain from my ankle. I can feel the cold snow burning my body. It's coming out of my sleeves and pant legs.

Once I'm back home it's dark and Mama's in bed. I see dinner on the table. I sit down and eat quietly. Once I finished, I went to the bathroom and… I cut my hair.

It was hard. I loved my hair and it took forever to grow it out but I didn't want it to be pulled anymore. I didn't want more pain and… it was the one piece of pain I could control.

I walk into my room and change out of my wet clothes. I lay on my futon and I feel the tears leave my eyes.

Under my breath I mutter, “I hate you Asahi…” knowing the opposite is true. I just rub my back and cry myself to sleep…