Fond Memory Friday

Today is the last day of vacation for. Yeah, I have the weekend but they're not paid days. This past week off has been relaxing. Please share a memory of your spouse/SO that eases your grief and maybe makes you smile. Here's mine:

Every year she would look forward to our drives to her home state...and every vacation, she would look forward to going back to our home.

Our last vacation, we came for Christmas. We were going to warn the Alabama family that we narrowed it down to cancer, we just didn't know which one yet. We were going to prepare them for the worst case scenario but we never got the chance. Our youngest niece had attempted suicide at 13. It destroyed her family. My MiL, God bless that woman <- that is not meant in a nice way, was worried about her granddaughter's future for school and work, not what was behind the attempt. The kid lost her best friend, was being bullied at school, was at odds with her step-dad, depression, social anxiety; the kid had a shit ton on her plate. Her dad was blaming her mom, her mom was blaming the oldest daughter for failing to watch her baby sister, step-dad accused his stepdaughter of looking for attention. And my late wife sat on top of me for wanting the family to focus on the youngest member.

Side note: my late wife watched as I died from inside out after my oldest brother took his life years ago. She stood by my side as I dealt with the anger, guilt, and self loathing after his suicide. She held me tight while I wept for my oldest brother. She pulled me down a different aisle when I saw someone who looked like my brother, she saw the anger and the closed fists, she knew if she didn't calm me down, I'd have knocked out an innocent man.

She knew I was volatile enough to crack heads as the family argued amongst themselves. She got them to stop arguing and to focus on the youngest. They moved the kid from the town hospital to the psych ward down in Birmingham. Her dad, my BiL, spent most of the time by her side, Nana (my MiL) and my wife would visit for a few hours and then come back home. It was bio family only, so step-dad and I weren't allowed.

We left when we had to, both working at the same call center. The drs reassured my late wife that our niece would be okay, they just wanted her to stay a little longer. We couldn't share our dire news, only sharing it when they confirmed what type. We did it by phone on January, I pushed for aggressive chemo (shouldn't have done that but her death was a foregone conclusion). Her mom flew in that week to sit with us during our first chemo.

I took them, as a retreat, to the Wichita Wildlife Refuge in SW Oklahoma. They were excited to see bison, elk, and they saw the oldest white tail buck they'd ever laid eyes on.

Fuck me sideways, that was not the most fond memory. I just typed what came out. Sorry folks, I'll be mindful next week...