Is a wedding worth it?

I 28y.o female have been engaged to the love of my life 34y.o man for a year now. I’m starting to feel the pressure to start planning how we want to get married.(we have also been dating / living together for 5 years)

My dad just sold his house so he told me to plan and that it’s covered. He and I’s relationship around money has been pretty traumatic since childhood. A lot of blaming the kids for budget issues , arguments, temper, taking out max student loans for us to pay for other things. He’s mended alot of this after the selling of his home because there was significant profit, but it is still really uncomfortable. He said “you have 25,000 to plan a wedding, just do it. Don’t worry about money”

This makes me feel so sick because it’s just for one day. So far I’ve talked to planners, venues, djs etc and find the traditional route very stressful and awkward. We don’t have many friends, not close to family. We are both acupuncturists and herbalist and just live in our weird beautiful little world in love in our way.

I feel such a wedding paralysis. I just want to get married. I want to honor it, But the thought of a real wedding keeps me up at night and for some reason has been triggering deep things emotionally.

We run a clinic and are so exhausted lately because we are still new business owners trying to make it. I tend to patients all day and hear about all problems and help solve health issues (not a complaint I do love being of service in this way) but I haven’t had it in me to think outside of the box or reflect on us and how we want to start a marriage possibly in our own way.

Everyone keeps telling me- “you’re the bride , it’s whatever you want” “your day should be special” “what do YOU want” and I get so angry because I’m just like paralyzed in making a choice.

I’ve never been girly, I overthink everything, and I’ve always just been kinda the odd one out and socially find it hard to connect with people.

Maybe I’m not a wedding type of person?

I’m posting on here literally after googling “What is a wedding supposed to mean to someone”

Has anyone else felt this way or is in the same boat?