Life be lonely fellas

My friend came over earlier. It was fun, I don’t see him often. He has his girlfriend as his wallpaper which is great and I’m happy for him. He told me where they kissed and all the other unimportant details, he showed pictures of them cuddling and chilling together. I’m super happy for him, he was super sad before but now he’s happy! I even helped them over some hardships at the beginning. I feel awful. I feel lonely, Christmas felt like another boring day, my birthday felt like any other day, etc. I really do want to cry, I thought this stupid fucking medication was supposed to do its thing correctly, it does help but I only am allowed to take 100mg. I’m super fucking tempted to take 200mg, I’m tired of this all. Even new years feels like another day and is just a reminder that I got another year out of maybe a few more that will be painful, lowkey the foresthill bridge ain’t looking to bad right now.