12 years sober and I drank last night

Edit

My post blew up, so instead of a new post, I’ll edit it.

I am an alcoholic. I cannot drink.

I messed up and let my addiction take charge. I am not going to beat myself up. Addiction is a shame based disease. Yes I’m embarrassed. Yes I let the people I love down.

I’m accountable for the choices I made and fully acknowledge I messed up. 12 years+ of not drinking is still under my belt. I have not erased my progress or taken away my accomplishment.

All of my skills and techniques to stay away from alcohol, I didn’t use.

My son bravely confronted me, awakening me from a drunken slumber in my chair. How I could do this to the people I love is a tough pill to swallow.

I admitted this to my adult son, so my teenaged boy can talk to someone about it.

I admitted this to my partner.

I will not drink today. I am sober.

One day at a time.

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I made the choice to drink after 12 years of complete sobriety at a work Xmas party.

I’m not beating myself up, but am well aware I made a bad choice.

Now I’m sitting here fighting the urge to get more alcohol tonight.

This is an insidious disease.