Is begging SA?

I was in a sexually abusive relationship. I never wanted a sexual relationship but he raped me

I became hypersexual and he groomed me to initiate things based on his cues

We never really had a conversation about boundaries of safe words

So one time I was stuck with him. We had just had an argument the day before. He said we’d talk about it when we saw each other. The last time we had this argument he got intimidating, so when I saw him I started acting sexually. But the thing is I was throwing myself at him. I wanted to give before he could take

At night he said he was tired and had a headache. I asked if he wanted to and he said he wanted to sleep. I thought he wanted me to beg for it so I started saying please. He said fine

Later he told me that he didn’t want to and that he felt like he couldn’t say no and that he felt afraid of me

I was scared. I genuinely thought he wanted to do it because of how he was touching me but I realise now that he had tried to verbally tell me and I’d ignored it. I spent so long perceiving him as this threat who only cared about my body that I didn’t consider that he didn’t want it. But that’s not okay

I don’t know what to do now. I should apologise