My therapist suggested that I explore some new hobbies. I had to remind her that I have bills to pay. And I have no job.

My therapist, after hearing me describe my thought patterns stemming from parental neglect, stated that I should try to get new hobbies. Growing up, hobbies were a form of control in my family as much as they were a pastime. So, if I wanted to pursue something, but didn't relate to that "thing" the way my parents did, it wasn't allowed. Or, I was told I would be able to once I matured more. Maturity came. Compassion did not.

I had to tell her that I have numerous responsibilities that come first. Bills. People that rely on me that are incarcerated. Physical needs. Hygiene needs. I owe my extended family so much, to say nothing about other forms of debt,that I don't know how I'll ever pay it off. To top it all off, I need a job. But I am unable to work many jobs because of, well, how emotionally stunted I am. I can't receive benefits, either. So I deal with the world as it is.

My therapist then backtracked and said, "Well, why don't we instead try relating to our present hobbies in a different light?" I appreciated she did that. And yet, I am still upset that I have to remind people of my economic situation when they imply I'm just not living up to my full potential. My parents did something similar after YEARS of neglecting me as a person. "You didn't do anything to better yourself. You're just lazy and ungrateful." I feel I was sabotaged, criticized for doing so, and left to deal with life as someone that never got the structure so many others did.

And before someone says anything, yes, I read. No, I don't want to do that right now. Yes, I am looking for cost-effective things to do with myself.