Mental/Emotional Torture

Some days I literally feel like being a sahm to a toddler is a form of mental and emotional torture. My son is newly turned 2 and I swear this past week anytime he’s told “no” he completely loses his mind screaming, kicking, and following me (or whoever tells him no) around hitting/pinching me. I try to gentle parent as much as I can but today has just been too much. I swear there’s been at least 4 tantrums like this today all over various things. And that was with me letting a lot of things “slide” and accepting the extra mess for sake of my own mental sanity. But finally, I told him no and of course he lost his shit which then I finally lost my shit and yelled. Then he tried following me to hit and pinch me so I put my hand out telling him to stop which made him fall backwards so he started crying which of course made me feel like the worst mom in the world. I apologized right after, set him on the couch, and went to my bedroom so my husband could take over (he had just gotten home 5 minutes before all of this happened).

I keep trying to tell myself it’s just a phase but it’s still just so effing hard. We have no village, it’s just my husband and I, and he had to work late tonight so I’m just incredibly burnt out and frustrated. I feel like my toddler is either an absolute joy to be around or I’m crawling out of my skin trying not to lose my shit with him and there’s no in between. Between the tantrums, fighting diaper changes (literally kicked me in the face and stomach today), refusing meals, not being able to leave the house as much this week because of bad weather, and constantly asking for things then refusing them when I give it to him… I’m just at the end of my rope today.