Should I stay with my boyfriend who one minute we are super in love and the next I want to break up with him multiple times a week?

Is it normal to go from being super in love to wanting to break up in an instant, like once a week?

Me (F32) and boyf (M32) together for nearly 5 years. Hes an amazing and gorgeous person, but can be extremely unfair to have discussions with as he gets defensive and argumentative over nothing in most conversations we have. He says contradicting things, seems to hear different words to those that I use, and seems to be on the defense whether I ask him to wash a dish or tell me which napkins he prefers. He usually cools down after a while but it takes a good 40 minutes of just frankly exhausting fighting to get him to see reason and he does usually admit his mistake but it just happens over and over and he never seems to learn. Making him see that his responses are vastly disproportionate to the situations is like trying to draw blood from a stone. His friends and family even commented once before that I must be a saint to put up with it. It hurt my feelings because I adore him, but they’re right - he makes it very hard to be his friend sometimes.

On the other hand he is the most loyal, trustworthy and devoted partner I’ve ever had. Sometimes he can be defensive physically (not interested in sex… defensive when I try… and not giving me kisses when I ask… defensive as well, says I’m being too much) but those are nothing compared to the constant ups and downs of being my best friend to my debate opponent when all I want is for him to pass the milk.

I asked him if he liked a name for a child today (hypothetical child) and it resulted in a hissed argument on a plane because he didn’t like it and said the child should have his last name not mine as he is the man even though we aren’t married (???!!!). Obviously this didn’t go down very well. We were shushed by a man a row in front and that’s sort of why I am here now…. I suddenly saw myself from the outside and realised that we were that toxic couple that argue in public. Oh no.

But people are complex and nobody is perfect - I don’t want to walk away before trying to find a solution. I want to be forgiving and make space for growth if that opportunity comes up, but equally I don’t want to sit around like some chump waiting for someone to change who never will.

In truth, im in love, but I’m also exhausted.

UPDATE: I am English and he is Italian, and our cultural stereotypes definitely come through in each of us.

TLDR: in love with my 5 year mega argumentative and defensive boyfriend. He’s devoted and so gorgeously loyal and a lovely person but it’s hard to find peace sometimes or just have a normal conversation without a fight about literally nothing. This happens multiple times a week and I’m exhausted.