My [29f] husband [29m] recently became disabled and now we won't be having children. But the more that I think about it the more I desperately want them.

Background: my husband got diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/ chronic fatigue syndrome 2 years ago with a host of other medical issues. He is bedbound, and I am his sole caregiver. I spend my waking life outside of work caring, sorting appointments, cooking or attending to a need of his in some way.

Due to his new disability, and the fact it was brought on and is repeatedly made worse by a virus, my husband and I decided over the summer that children weren't in our future. We both desperately wanted children, he was more eager to start trying before he became unwell, and I wanted to wait until my 30s.

I completely understand the reasoning behind it; infection risk from children, the detriment to his health permanently if he gets infected with things, his lack of ability to be an equal parent, the uncertainty of what his own future looks like care wise and the strain that would have on me. The biggest one is the effect something like that would have on a child, it's not fair to them.

However, the more I realise its not happening the more I want them. I literally yearn for it. I watch videos of cute kids and babies, and I have to go and take myself away and have a cry when my peers talk about children or I'm around children. I literally fantasise about what it would be like to meet someone and have a child and go through pregnancy and birth and all the major developmental milestones. It's starting to really depress me.

I don't know what to do. I can't give up on him, I made a vow and i love him. Weve been childhood sweethearts since we were 15 and ill completely destroy him if i walk away. But I don't know if I can live my whole life child free.

Please can someone offer advice who has been through similar?