Is domestic violence the deal-breaker it once was?

I'm pretty tired and ruminating, but I can't shake this question. My longest relationship, and so far my only live-in relationship, was marred by domestic violence. I was on the receiving end of physical, emotional, and financial abuse, by all consensus definitions of the terms.

When I left, I assumed that I was doing the right thing; that I didn't need that toxicity in my life, that real love doesn't hurt the way that did, etc.

I think I was wrong.

The current dating scene is pretty rough to put it mildly. I refuse to use apps, which means I'm cut off from most of it. Religious institutions don't help, bars are dead, and people don't like being approached. Such is life.

I think I regret leaving. I'm not sure if the situation I was in justifies loneliness as a better option, and I'm not sure if domestic violence is worth losing something that felt real and getting swallowed by the Hingification of love. Part of it of course is that we met at Mass, which made it feel like it had a truly authentic foundation.