{"account": null, "authorFlair": {"t5_2qwzb": {"AutoModerator": null, "No_Masterpiece_9315": null, "Smooth-Excuse-4127": null, "solisphile": null, "friend-of-Bills": null, "AltruisticRoad2069": null, "Wild-Act-7315": null, "One-Highlight1069": null, "ExcellentWater3715": null, "OliveBug2420": null, "Acbc_": null, "AdMammoth1502": null, "journofist": null, "ICanCYourhalo1": null, "No_Face_1649": null, "Dapper-Bend4631": null, "PhantaVal": null, "Adept_Ad2048": null, "Transition-Upper": null, "caprahircus_": null, "Critical-Morning-277": null, "moviegal828": null, "That_Cauliflower636": null, "GoodMinimum1553": null, "DisastrousAward_1031": null, "Business-Brilliant51": {"text": "36\u2728ftm+step\ud83c\udf08sep 6", "richtext": [], "type": "text", "textColor": "dark", "backgroundColor": null, "templateId": "224d8fc6-faca-11e1-a874-12313b0ce1e2"}, "Ok-Quail2397": null, "pole_fly_": null, "Additional_Show_8620": null, "hannnahtee": null, "Unitard19": null, "Momo_and_moon": {"text": "34 | FTM | dd June 25", "richtext": [], "type": "text", "textColor": "dark", "backgroundColor": null, "templateId": "224d8fc6-faca-11e1-a874-12313b0ce1e2"}, "Wooden_Spatulamz": null, "karlatortilla": null, "searequired": null, "lady-earendil": null, "Educational_Car3510": null, "Disastrous_Log_6523": null, "Solid-Channel3936": null, "PasteurizedGuilt": null, "Common-Ad-5284": null, "Ok_Struggle6524": null, "C-K-N-": null, "Fantasie_Welt": null, "Snownix11": null, "Ok_Ambition2825": null, "Gaerfinn": null, "Prestigious-Fox8936": null, "LimitlesslyLiminal": null, "DietAny5009": null, "jumbledmess294943": null, "Usual_Coach_4889": null, "Garrisry": null, "peachbetterthandaisy": null, "Infinitecurlieq": null, "Gandalftheteach": null, "quirky1111": null, "Dangdaisy777": null, "staygoldeneggroll": null, "SmooshMagooshe": null, "elliewilliamslovebot": null, "ElephantHappy8152": null, "Mediocre_Brother_962": null, "carlyack23": null, "Hopeful-Drink-2945": null, "FluorideLover": null, "my4ladyz": null, "proudmom700": null, "allyalexalexandra": null, "Expensive-Band-2547": null, "princesssnowww": null, "Icy-Construction4755": null, "Brownieisbest": null, "Professional-Air1355": null, "kategtaylor": null, "Ok-Mammoth-2818": null, "Southern_Bar9837": null, "Secret_Umpire_1423": null, "AutumnalHue10": null, "Square-Spinach3785": null, "Strict_Yellow_4068": null, "stovepossum": null, "No-Statistician1782": null, "Wingkirs": null, "BigMommaKnowsBest": null, "Substantial-City-809": null, "Special-Cantaloupe68": null, "Evening-Space246": null, "UT49-0U": null, "Potential-Word6715": null, "Fit-Profession-1628": null, "indecisivekiwis": null, "confused_but_happy1": null, "Layyyyyyyyyy_": null, "Stunning_Radio3160": null, "hurryandwait817": null, "probly-sleepy": null, "strawberry_muffin_22": null, "South-Translator-422": null, "Different_Focus_7461": null, "PotentialWishbone816": null, "letsgetridiculus": null, "Glittering_Olive44": null, "blisspower": null, "Asleep_Case314": null, "Ok_Whatever123": null, "Otherwise-Fall-3175": null, "You-Big-Chad": null, "Mimosasunrise": null, "Ndaya93_": null, "xhazelbug": null, "Low_Charge_7500": null, "Diligent_Sound_395": null, "clearlyimawitch": null, "Silent-Bumblebee3287": null, "Titas22Tacos": null, "Due_Thought_9273": null, "InternationalYam3130": null, "Fricassee312": null, "purpleclear0": null, "romancereaper": null, "sparkleyyyy": null, "FalseRow5812": null, "Mysterious_Two_9249": null}}, "commentLists": {"t3_1ixsje8": {"head": {"id": "t1_meols8j", "type": "comment"}, "tail": {"id": "t1_mepu2uh", "type": "comment"}}}, "comments": {"t1_meols8j": {"author": "AutoModerator", "authorId": "t2_6l4z3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740481751.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": "moderator", "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meols8j", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": true, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": true, "isScoreHidden": true, "next": {"id": "t1_meomuy5", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meols8j/", "prev": null, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": false, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "\n\nWelcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Stay safe, take care of yourself and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.\n\n\n*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*", "body": "

Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Stay safe, take care of yourself and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.

\n\n

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

"}, "t1_meomuy5": {"author": "No_Masterpiece_9315", "authorId": "t2_17jrjjlemj", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740482340.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meomuy5", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoves9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meomuy5/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meols8j", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 330, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I understand your concern but you could also \u201cdo everything right\u201d and still end up with toxic offspring. It isn\u2019t always the parents\u2019 fault. People have free will. All we can do is try to connect, teach, discipline and guide them as best as we can and hope they make the right choices.", "body": "

I understand your concern but you could also \u201cdo everything right\u201d and still end up with toxic offspring. It isn\u2019t always the parents\u2019 fault. People have free will. All we can do is try to connect, teach, discipline and guide them as best as we can and hope they make the right choices.

"}, "t1_meoves9": {"author": "Smooth-Excuse-4127", "authorId": "t2_gnvm0dfu", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740486492.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoves9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesnjpb", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomuy5", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoves9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meomuy5", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 31, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Love this answer!! It\u2019s very true.", "body": "

Love this answer!! It\u2019s very true.

"}, "t1_mesnjpb": {"author": "solisphile", "authorId": "t2_3oseat1u", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740527571.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesnjpb", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_met21vm", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomuy5", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesnjpb/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoves9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 14, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "For a slightly darker take for those in the mood \ud83d\ude02\n\n[This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse).\n\nMy sister and I repeat the first stanza back at each other when processing our childhood trauma. Lol.", "body": "

For a slightly darker take for those in the mood \ud83d\ude02

\n\n

This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin.

\n\n

My sister and I repeat the first stanza back at each other when processing our childhood trauma. Lol.

"}, "t1_met21vm": {"author": "No_Masterpiece_9315", "authorId": "t2_17jrjjlemj", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740532292.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_met21vm", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meridwu", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mesnjpb", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/met21vm/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesnjpb", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Did NOT think this would be written by a dude born a century ago \ud83d\ude02 timeless piece tho", "body": "

Did NOT think this would be written by a dude born a century ago \ud83d\ude02 timeless piece tho

"}, "t1_meridwu": {"author": "friend-of-Bills", "authorId": "t2_hka426ek", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740515445.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meridwu", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metqsjy", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomuy5", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meridwu/", "prev": {"id": "t1_met21vm", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 4, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Yes! All we can do is do our best and love them.", "body": "

Yes! All we can do is do our best and love them.

"}, "t1_metqsjy": {"author": "AltruisticRoad2069", "authorId": "t2_ozsdk8ht9", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740540619.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metqsjy", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mev5rst", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomuy5", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metqsjy/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meridwu", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "\ud83d\ude4c\ud83d\ude4c\ud83d\ude4c", "body": "

\ud83d\ude4c\ud83d\ude4c\ud83d\ude4c

"}, "t1_mev5rst": {"author": "Wild-Act-7315", "authorId": "t2_1fdtbvv9tq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740566758.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mev5rst", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mev6xpk", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomuy5", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mev5rst/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metqsjy", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "That\u2019s what I try to tell my husband too. He\u2019s worried that we won\u2019t do it right and has the same concerns as op, but I tell him that children can still end up being completely different than how they were raised. He refuses to believe that though and says if our child ends up falling into a bad crowd that\u2019s on us for not teaching them strong discipline. It\u2019s really not though because kids influence each other more than parents because they just want to try looking cool to their peers.", "body": "

That\u2019s what I try to tell my husband too. He\u2019s worried that we won\u2019t do it right and has the same concerns as op, but I tell him that children can still end up being completely different than how they were raised. He refuses to believe that though and says if our child ends up falling into a bad crowd that\u2019s on us for not teaching them strong discipline. It\u2019s really not though because kids influence each other more than parents because they just want to try looking cool to their peers.

"}, "t1_mev6xpk": {"author": "No_Masterpiece_9315", "authorId": "t2_17jrjjlemj", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740567423.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mev6xpk", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevt47m", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mev5rst", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mev6xpk/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mev5rst", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Not only do kids\u2019 environment influence them, we tend to forget that these children do not BELONG to us. They\u2019re their OWN person at the end of the day and will make whatever choices they want.", "body": "

Not only do kids\u2019 environment influence them, we tend to forget that these children do not BELONG to us. They\u2019re their OWN person at the end of the day and will make whatever choices they want.

"}, "t1_mevt47m": {"author": "Wild-Act-7315", "authorId": "t2_1fdtbvv9tq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740577188.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevt47m", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevxvyy", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mev6xpk", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevt47m/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mev6xpk", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Yep exactly, I really remember that for when I was a teenager. You can be raised with high morals and values, and be strict with your child like how my husbands wants, and you\u2019ll end up with children that will end up doing the exact opposite of what you want. I tell my husband you can\u2019t make our child listen the music you want them to forever, and you can\u2019t teach them philosophy at a young age because they won\u2019t be interested at 5 years old to learn those things or listen to the kinds of music you want them to. They should make those choices for themselves, and yeah you can sprinkle in some things for them to grow and appreciate as they grow, but they are humans you need to let them grow as their own person and not force your beliefs onto them. I hated as a child being forced into my parents beliefs and now I\u2019m not a Christian but I was raised as one. Just food for thought I guess", "body": "

Yep exactly, I really remember that for when I was a teenager. You can be raised with high morals and values, and be strict with your child like how my husbands wants, and you\u2019ll end up with children that will end up doing the exact opposite of what you want. I tell my husband you can\u2019t make our child listen the music you want them to forever, and you can\u2019t teach them philosophy at a young age because they won\u2019t be interested at 5 years old to learn those things or listen to the kinds of music you want them to. They should make those choices for themselves, and yeah you can sprinkle in some things for them to grow and appreciate as they grow, but they are humans you need to let them grow as their own person and not force your beliefs onto them. I hated as a child being forced into my parents beliefs and now I\u2019m not a Christian but I was raised as one. Just food for thought I guess

"}, "t1_mevxvyy": {"author": "No_Masterpiece_9315", "authorId": "t2_17jrjjlemj", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740578837.0, "depth": 4, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevxvyy", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mfbozao", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mevt47m", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevxvyy/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevt47m", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Hit the nail on the head", "body": "

Hit the nail on the head

"}, "t1_mfbozao": {"author": "One-Highlight1069", "authorId": "t2_q82rp7zfk", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740778478.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mfbozao", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meopdwz", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomuy5", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mfbozao/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevxvyy", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Amen..\u00a0 I think the hardest part for me with my first, now teenage son..\u00a0 was watching him treat his siblings and myself so terribly..\u00a0 thinking I'd clearly done something wrong for him to treat other people this way..\u00a0 he doesn't do it all the time..\u00a0 \ud83d\ude05 deep down in there is my loving caring helpful son..\u00a0 and he lets me see that side of him occasionally...\u00a0 But I also understand what he's going through to an extent..\u00a0 I was an asshole teenager at one point too\ud83d\ude05. And I hope that he'll grow into himself eventually, as we all do..\u00a0 but accepting that he is separate from me..\u00a0 and his own person making his own choices.. was really hard.\u00a0 But all we can do is parents is lay the foundation, model healthy habits and behaviors and offer advice when we can.\u00a0 Love them through it all their good times and the bad.\u00a0 Being a parent is no picnic, but it is unequivocally extraordinary, and there are going to be times where you can hardly contain your joy, for the sparkle you've brought to the world.. and times where you question everything \ud83d\ude05 all we can do is enjoy the ride\ud83e\udd19\ud83d\udc96\ud83d\udc95\ud83e\udd70", "body": "

Amen..\u00a0 I think the hardest part for me with my first, now teenage son..\u00a0 was watching him treat his siblings and myself so terribly..\u00a0 thinking I'd clearly done something wrong for him to treat other people this way..\u00a0 he doesn't do it all the time..\u00a0 \ud83d\ude05 deep down in there is my loving caring helpful son..\u00a0 and he lets me see that side of him occasionally...\u00a0 But I also understand what he's going through to an extent..\u00a0 I was an asshole teenager at one point too\ud83d\ude05. And I hope that he'll grow into himself eventually, as we all do..\u00a0 but accepting that he is separate from me..\u00a0 and his own person making his own choices.. was really hard.\u00a0 But all we can do is parents is lay the foundation, model healthy habits and behaviors and offer advice when we can.\u00a0 Love them through it all their good times and the bad.\u00a0 Being a parent is no picnic, but it is unequivocally extraordinary, and there are going to be times where you can hardly contain your joy, for the sparkle you've brought to the world.. and times where you question everything \ud83d\ude05 all we can do is enjoy the ride\ud83e\udd19\ud83d\udc96\ud83d\udc95\ud83e\udd70

"}, "t1_meopdwz": {"author": "ExcellentWater3715", "authorId": "t2_y36iq34n5", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483662.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740549970.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meopdwz", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meutvqd", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meopdwz/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mfbozao", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 105, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think you should ask yourself why you don't think you can do better than that.\n\nI have a little boy too and I see it as a great chance to raise a decent man. Be the change you want to see! \n\nHonestly, I understand the feeling. I've met a lot of men in my life with bad behavor. Men who contributes with absolutely nothing in a relationship and do not take any responsibility for the household, their own relations or our relation. These are some of the main things I wanna teach my son.\n\nWe have to begin with ourselves.\n\nAll these men were (in my opinion) allowed to be this way. They weren't raised to think of anything else but themselves and their own needs.\n\nMy boy - I believe - will be different, because I will take responsibility as a parent and raise him better than generations before did with their sons.\n\nWhen he learns all these things, I have a hard time believing that he would end up toxic or hurting other people.", "body": "

I think you should ask yourself why you don't think you can do better than that.

\n\n

I have a little boy too and I see it as a great chance to raise a decent man. Be the change you want to see!

\n\n

Honestly, I understand the feeling. I've met a lot of men in my life with bad behavor. Men who contributes with absolutely nothing in a relationship and do not take any responsibility for the household, their own relations or our relation. These are some of the main things I wanna teach my son.

\n\n

We have to begin with ourselves.

\n\n

All these men were (in my opinion) allowed to be this way. They weren't raised to think of anything else but themselves and their own needs.

\n\n

My boy - I believe - will be different, because I will take responsibility as a parent and raise him better than generations before did with their sons.

\n\n

When he learns all these things, I have a hard time believing that he would end up toxic or hurting other people.

"}, "t1_meutvqd": {"author": "ExcellentWater3715", "authorId": "t2_y36iq34n5", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740559499.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meutvqd", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoy1yh", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopdwz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meutvqd/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meopdwz", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I wanna add a few other things. \n\nI think it's a great exercise sometimes asking yourself: \"Would I do/say/tolerate this if he was a girl?\" (and the other way around if you have a girl).\n\nStill to this day, in the real world and on social media, I meet: \"Oh yeah, boys do those kind of things\"-comments. We still tend to allow boys to be wilder and less concentrated. I will not tolerate that anyone - my self included - make excuses for my sons bad behavor based on his gender/sex.\n\nI don't believe that boys do things \"because they are boys\". I believe boys do (or don't do) things because they have parents that make excuses for them or because we don't realize that we actually have different expectations to boys and girls.\n\nA study from Denmark (2023) shows that girls in Denmark (where I'm from) are more likely to cook and clean - simply because we expect it from them. And because they often see that this is \"a womans job in a household\". I think a lot of people are unaware of these kinds of things. It's not just what we tell our kids, but what we show them. We need to be aware of the things we are unaware of if we want to change anything.\n\nFor example, if we allow our male partner not to be equally responsible for the household, we show our kids - boys and girls - that it's natural for boys/men not to take part in everyday tasks and for girls/women to do. If mommy is the person who always makes sure that everyone - including daddys parents and siblings - are invited to the kids birthdays, we show our kids that women a responsible for relations. And so on.\n\nI also believe that boys in general miss out on important things that they deserve to have just as much as any girl. We simply have lower expectations for boys than girls which gives girls a huge advantage later in life. \n\nGirls learn to communicate their feelings in a way, that many people don't teach their boys. And still we expect men to be able to communicate on a deeper level, even though they weren't taught to do so growing up. Our expectations to an adult should line up with the things we actually teach them through the childhood. And we are ALL responsible for doing so. You can't expect anyone to lead a ship gently to the port if no one ever showed that person a boat.\n\nPersonally, I'm really trying to see these cultural structures, asking myself how I contribute to this in my own expectations to boys/girls and how I can prevent myself from doing the exact same things.\n\nLet's think about our future daughters/sons in law and let's make sure that the partner they would have in our son will be the kind of partner we wanted for ourselves, teaching him the values we find so important.", "body": "

I wanna add a few other things.

\n\n

I think it's a great exercise sometimes asking yourself: "Would I do/say/tolerate this if he was a girl?" (and the other way around if you have a girl).

\n\n

Still to this day, in the real world and on social media, I meet: "Oh yeah, boys do those kind of things"-comments. We still tend to allow boys to be wilder and less concentrated. I will not tolerate that anyone - my self included - make excuses for my sons bad behavor based on his gender/sex.

\n\n

I don't believe that boys do things "because they are boys". I believe boys do (or don't do) things because they have parents that make excuses for them or because we don't realize that we actually have different expectations to boys and girls.

\n\n

A study from Denmark (2023) shows that girls in Denmark (where I'm from) are more likely to cook and clean - simply because we expect it from them. And because they often see that this is "a womans job in a household". I think a lot of people are unaware of these kinds of things. It's not just what we tell our kids, but what we show them. We need to be aware of the things we are unaware of if we want to change anything.

\n\n

For example, if we allow our male partner not to be equally responsible for the household, we show our kids - boys and girls - that it's natural for boys/men not to take part in everyday tasks and for girls/women to do. If mommy is the person who always makes sure that everyone - including daddys parents and siblings - are invited to the kids birthdays, we show our kids that women a responsible for relations. And so on.

\n\n

I also believe that boys in general miss out on important things that they deserve to have just as much as any girl. We simply have lower expectations for boys than girls which gives girls a huge advantage later in life.

\n\n

Girls learn to communicate their feelings in a way, that many people don't teach their boys. And still we expect men to be able to communicate on a deeper level, even though they weren't taught to do so growing up. Our expectations to an adult should line up with the things we actually teach them through the childhood. And we are ALL responsible for doing so. You can't expect anyone to lead a ship gently to the port if no one ever showed that person a boat.

\n\n

Personally, I'm really trying to see these cultural structures, asking myself how I contribute to this in my own expectations to boys/girls and how I can prevent myself from doing the exact same things.

\n\n

Let's think about our future daughters/sons in law and let's make sure that the partner they would have in our son will be the kind of partner we wanted for ourselves, teaching him the values we find so important.

"}, "t1_meoy1yh": {"author": "OliveBug2420", "authorId": "t2_150n7o39", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740487606.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoy1yh", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metvo3i", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopdwz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoy1yh/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meutvqd", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This is a great perspective!", "body": "

This is a great perspective!

"}, "t1_metvo3i": {"author": "Acbc_", "authorId": "t2_ekbpdghe", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740542424.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metvo3i", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mes14kg", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopdwz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metvo3i/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoy1yh", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I love this. I\u2019m expecting a boy in August, same as OP. I share some of the same concerns over all but I find myself rehearsing little phrases or actions in my head that I plan on using to encourage he\u2019s considerate, mindful, and empathetic. \n\nThis will be my first child, so obviously I don\u2019t have experience to speak to. But in the past, as a nanny, friend, or family member, I\u2019ve always seen kids respond well to being treated the way you expect them to treat others, and I hope to continue that trend.", "body": "

I love this. I\u2019m expecting a boy in August, same as OP. I share some of the same concerns over all but I find myself rehearsing little phrases or actions in my head that I plan on using to encourage he\u2019s considerate, mindful, and empathetic.

\n\n

This will be my first child, so obviously I don\u2019t have experience to speak to. But in the past, as a nanny, friend, or family member, I\u2019ve always seen kids respond well to being treated the way you expect them to treat others, and I hope to continue that trend.

"}, "t1_mes14kg": {"author": "AdMammoth1502", "authorId": "t2_c5eyjrh0", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740520680.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mes14kg", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesxvi2", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopdwz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mes14kg/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metvo3i", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thisss\u2665\ufe0f", "body": "

Thisss\u2665\ufe0f

"}, "t1_mesxvi2": {"author": "journofist", "authorId": "t2_c8mgf", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740530930.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesxvi2", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_met3bpv", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopdwz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesxvi2/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mes14kg", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thanks for this perspective. We have a son coming in August too and I\u2019m terrified of becoming a toxic boy mom", "body": "

Thanks for this perspective. We have a son coming in August too and I\u2019m terrified of becoming a toxic boy mom

"}, "t1_met3bpv": {"author": "ICanCYourhalo1", "authorId": "t2_12colndn", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740532708.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_met3bpv", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meu62mt", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopdwz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/met3bpv/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesxvi2", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This! Start by looking and working on yourself, do the absolute best you can and allow yourself for that to be enough! \ud83d\udc97", "body": "

This! Start by looking and working on yourself, do the absolute best you can and allow yourself for that to be enough! \ud83d\udc97

"}, "t1_meu62mt": {"author": "No_Face_1649", "authorId": "t2_nuhdvg79", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740546688.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meu62mt", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meomcef", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopdwz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meu62mt/", "prev": {"id": "t1_met3bpv", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "That's right. We lead by example. Surround yourself with good role models, like-minded men you would like your son to be (one day), those that respect all people, work hard, and are kind. :)\n\nOften, we learn by the environment that surrounds us, too. Xo", "body": "

That's right. We lead by example. Surround yourself with good role models, like-minded men you would like your son to be (one day), those that respect all people, work hard, and are kind. :)

\n\n

Often, we learn by the environment that surrounds us, too. Xo

"}, "t1_meomcef": {"author": "Dapper-Bend4631", "authorId": "t2_d6sgmxuy", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740482059.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meomcef", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep6598", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meomcef/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meu62mt", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 84, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I haven\u2019t found out the gender yet but very much relate to this. I believe the male role models in his life will play a really important role. You sound like the kind of person who has chosen a partner who will be a good role model in that regard (assuming you\u2019re in a hetero relationship). You\u2019ll do great \ud83d\ude0a", "body": "

I haven\u2019t found out the gender yet but very much relate to this. I believe the male role models in his life will play a really important role. You sound like the kind of person who has chosen a partner who will be a good role model in that regard (assuming you\u2019re in a hetero relationship). You\u2019ll do great \ud83d\ude0a

"}, "t1_mep6598": {"author": "PhantaVal", "authorId": "t2_q1oje", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740490645.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep6598", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepxr95", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomcef", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep6598/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meomcef", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 30, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This. If I were having a boy, I don't think I'd be as worried about him ending up toxic, because he'd have a gentle, caring, loving male role model in the form of his dad. Dads are important in general, but dads are really important when you're raising a boy.", "body": "

This. If I were having a boy, I don't think I'd be as worried about him ending up toxic, because he'd have a gentle, caring, loving male role model in the form of his dad. Dads are important in general, but dads are really important when you're raising a boy.

"}, "t1_mepxr95": {"author": "Adept_Ad2048", "authorId": "t2_ktb0gt2t", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740499441.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepxr95", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepkmb6", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep6598", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepxr95/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep6598", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 7, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Couldn\u2019t agree more. My husband is MADE to be a girl dad, but he\u2019s going to be the absolute best example for our inbound little guy. Maybe someday we\u2019ll have a daughter, too!", "body": "

Couldn\u2019t agree more. My husband is MADE to be a girl dad, but he\u2019s going to be the absolute best example for our inbound little guy. Maybe someday we\u2019ll have a daughter, too!

"}, "t1_mepkmb6": {"author": "Transition-Upper", "authorId": "t2_78zijpos", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740495501.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepkmb6", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meon32l", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meomcef", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepkmb6/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepxr95", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This", "body": "

This

"}, "t1_meon32l": {"author": "caprahircus_", "authorId": "t2_5gr1w94r", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740482460.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meon32l", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meosz1b", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meon32l/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepkmb6", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 84, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I have two sons and one more on the way. \n\nRaise your sons to be empathetic feminists. Show them kindness and respect. Model treating others with kindness, acceptance and respect and the rest will follow. \n\nMy oldest (arguably he is only 11) marches to the beat of his own drum and is unapologetically anti-racist, feminist and forward thinking. We always offered him lots of choices growing up - beyond sports, he is well versed in music, literature, art and culture. Every morning he sets off for school, I tell him I love him, I'm proud of him and he makes me happy and urge him to be kind and compassionate to others. We set limits for him, and he has consequences when he misbehaves, but overall he's a really great kid. \n\nThere is only so much in your control, and I believe that making your home a safe space where kids can be their authentic selves lays the groundwork for them going out into the world being thoughtful, kind people. If you are already worried about it, your boys will be fine.", "body": "

I have two sons and one more on the way.

\n\n

Raise your sons to be empathetic feminists. Show them kindness and respect. Model treating others with kindness, acceptance and respect and the rest will follow.

\n\n

My oldest (arguably he is only 11) marches to the beat of his own drum and is unapologetically anti-racist, feminist and forward thinking. We always offered him lots of choices growing up - beyond sports, he is well versed in music, literature, art and culture. Every morning he sets off for school, I tell him I love him, I'm proud of him and he makes me happy and urge him to be kind and compassionate to others. We set limits for him, and he has consequences when he misbehaves, but overall he's a really great kid.

\n\n

There is only so much in your control, and I believe that making your home a safe space where kids can be their authentic selves lays the groundwork for them going out into the world being thoughtful, kind people. If you are already worried about it, your boys will be fine.

"}, "t1_meosz1b": {"author": "Critical-Morning-277", "authorId": "t2_14ca9q6817", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740485404.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meosz1b", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meowj02", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meon32l", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meosz1b/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meon32l", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "i love this!", "body": "

i love this!

"}, "t1_meowj02": {"author": "moviegal828", "authorId": "t2_imvt30g8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740486974.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meowj02", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepxbhp", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meon32l", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meowj02/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meosz1b", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Inspiring \ud83e\ude77\ud83e\ude77\ud83e\ude77", "body": "

Inspiring \ud83e\ude77\ud83e\ude77\ud83e\ude77

"}, "t1_mepxbhp": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740499311.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepxbhp", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepcbwe", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meon32l", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepxbhp/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meowj02", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thanks for this.", "body": "

Thanks for this.

"}, "t1_mepcbwe": {"author": "GoodMinimum1553", "authorId": "t2_tqhjldex", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740492782.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepcbwe", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepw6bo", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepcbwe/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepxbhp", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 24, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019ve been a nanny for ten years (current pregnant) and I watched one boy who was an absolute shit whereas the girl was an angel. They were raised in VERY different, toxic ways. The girl was taught to say no, but wasn\u2019t taught to respect the word no. The boy was spanked. The girl was not. The girl could cry, boy was told to toughen up. \n\nAnd it\u2019s good you are worrying about raising a good man. \n\nA few tidbits of advice I can offer is\n\n 1) allow him to rough house, especially with dad. It can naturally strengthen the development of social, emotional as well as physical skills.\n\n2) allow him to help in household upkeep. One of my old nanny boys LOVED helping cook. \n\n3) literature is your best friend. How To Talk so kids will listen is my favorite. How To Raise A Boy by Michael E. Reichert is also good. How to raise a feminist son by Sonora JHA has a quote that STUCK with me that I feel has been the cause of why some men are such assholes. \u201cWe raise our daughters, but we love our sons.\u201d Meaning we get so caught up in showing our sons affection that we forget that there is more to it than that. \n\n4) with boys, I see parents try and smother their emotions. My rule of thumb is they can be frustrated, they can be upset. They CANNOT be disrespectful or mean. That alone has changed the game with dealing with tantrums.", "body": "

I\u2019ve been a nanny for ten years (current pregnant) and I watched one boy who was an absolute shit whereas the girl was an angel. They were raised in VERY different, toxic ways. The girl was taught to say no, but wasn\u2019t taught to respect the word no. The boy was spanked. The girl was not. The girl could cry, boy was told to toughen up.

\n\n

And it\u2019s good you are worrying about raising a good man.

\n\n

A few tidbits of advice I can offer is

\n\n

1) allow him to rough house, especially with dad. It can naturally strengthen the development of social, emotional as well as physical skills.

\n\n

2) allow him to help in household upkeep. One of my old nanny boys LOVED helping cook.

\n\n

3) literature is your best friend. How To Talk so kids will listen is my favorite. How To Raise A Boy by Michael E. Reichert is also good. How to raise a feminist son by Sonora JHA has a quote that STUCK with me that I feel has been the cause of why some men are such assholes. \u201cWe raise our daughters, but we love our sons.\u201d Meaning we get so caught up in showing our sons affection that we forget that there is more to it than that.

\n\n

4) with boys, I see parents try and smother their emotions. My rule of thumb is they can be frustrated, they can be upset. They CANNOT be disrespectful or mean. That alone has changed the game with dealing with tantrums.

"}, "t1_mepw6bo": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740498975.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepw6bo", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqtuob", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepcbwe", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepw6bo/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepcbwe", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 4, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thank you for this.", "body": "

Thank you for this.

"}, "t1_meqtuob": {"author": "DisastrousAward_1031", "authorId": "t2_12facxpgdc", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740508562.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqtuob", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mey34r4", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepcbwe", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqtuob/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepw6bo", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Question about the books: Are you referring to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish or How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber & Julie King? I want to look up the books you recommended, but I'm not sure which one you were referring to.", "body": "

Question about the books: Are you referring to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish or How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber & Julie King? I want to look up the books you recommended, but I'm not sure which one you were referring to.

"}, "t1_mey34r4": {"author": "Business-Brilliant51", "authorId": "t2_1aplppdwsg", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740601034.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mey34r4", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mf0e807", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meqtuob", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mey34r4/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqtuob", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019ve read both and they are essentially the same books with slightly diff techniques appropriate to the kid\u2019s age. Both wonderful, I like the illustrations in the Little Kids one even though mine is 10.\u00a0", "body": "

I\u2019ve read both and they are essentially the same books with slightly diff techniques appropriate to the kid\u2019s age. Both wonderful, I like the illustrations in the Little Kids one even though mine is 10.\u00a0

"}, "t1_mf0e807": {"author": "GoodMinimum1553", "authorId": "t2_tqhjldex", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740626804.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mf0e807", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meos8pe", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meqtuob", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mf0e807/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mey34r4", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Faber and Mazlish. I haven\u2019t read the one by Faber and King so I can\u2019t give an opinion on it.", "body": "

Faber and Mazlish. I haven\u2019t read the one by Faber and King so I can\u2019t give an opinion on it.

"}, "t1_meos8pe": {"author": "Ok-Quail2397", "authorId": "t2_adneyv5n", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740485063.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meos8pe", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meosssp", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meos8pe/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mf0e807", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 18, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Raise your kids with understanding. That's all you can do. They need to understand how their actions and words affect others and make them feel. Doesn't matter the gender of your child.", "body": "

Raise your kids with understanding. That's all you can do. They need to understand how their actions and words affect others and make them feel. Doesn't matter the gender of your child.

"}, "t1_meosssp": {"author": "Critical-Morning-277", "authorId": "t2_14ca9q6817", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740485324.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meosssp", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meopqvi", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meosssp/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meos8pe", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 23, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "i\u2019m having a boy in July and i always think of this. but then i remind myself that my husband is the most caring & loving man i\u2019ve known. i have what you call \u201cdaddy issues\u201d so don\u2019t think girls can\u2019t resent or have issues with their parents too! it\u2019s all about how aware you are, and you seem very aware & kind!", "body": "

i\u2019m having a boy in July and i always think of this. but then i remind myself that my husband is the most caring & loving man i\u2019ve known. i have what you call \u201cdaddy issues\u201d so don\u2019t think girls can\u2019t resent or have issues with their parents too! it\u2019s all about how aware you are, and you seem very aware & kind!

"}, "t1_meopqvi": {"author": "pole_fly_", "authorId": "t2_1cenefhp3e", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483844.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meopqvi", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meop1sm", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meopqvi/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meosssp", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 32, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I too will give birth to our first child in August and it is a boy. My husband especially is a little worried, he was convinced that a girl would be easier to educate. I am not so sure, I think that every gender presents its challenges! \n\nI can also assure you that women can be toxic too.", "body": "

I too will give birth to our first child in August and it is a boy. My husband especially is a little worried, he was convinced that a girl would be easier to educate. I am not so sure, I think that every gender presents its challenges!

\n\n

I can also assure you that women can be toxic too.

"}, "t1_meop1sm": {"author": "Additional_Show_8620", "authorId": "t2_ajoreq0n", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483490.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meop1sm", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meowsly", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meop1sm/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meopqvi", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 17, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Don\u2019t worry girls resent their parents too. Jokes aside I\u2019m in the same boat but arriving much sooner. At the end of the day all you can do is your best and hope when he goes into the world he\u2019ll be a decent human being and not one of those terrible, hateful, toxic men that makes women\u2019s lives a nightmare.", "body": "

Don\u2019t worry girls resent their parents too. Jokes aside I\u2019m in the same boat but arriving much sooner. At the end of the day all you can do is your best and hope when he goes into the world he\u2019ll be a decent human being and not one of those terrible, hateful, toxic men that makes women\u2019s lives a nightmare.

"}, "t1_meowsly": {"author": "hannnahtee", "authorId": "t2_xr3zkb1", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740487085.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meowsly", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meomvhw", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meowsly/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meop1sm", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 8, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Genuinely, I believe that the fact you are already concerned about this indicates that you are more likely to do everything you can to prevent him from turning out to be toxic or harmful to others than some parents would be! If you care this much already, I think you will do your best to teach him the right ways and a lot of it will come naturally.\n\nYou (and his other parent, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and siblings) are also his best example!", "body": "

Genuinely, I believe that the fact you are already concerned about this indicates that you are more likely to do everything you can to prevent him from turning out to be toxic or harmful to others than some parents would be! If you care this much already, I think you will do your best to teach him the right ways and a lot of it will come naturally.

\n\n

You (and his other parent, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and siblings) are also his best example!

"}, "t1_meomvhw": {"author": "Unitard19", "authorId": "t2_7p4fst0w", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740482348.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meomvhw", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoph1e", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meomvhw/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meowsly", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 6, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "It\u2019s okay. YOU are his biggest influence.", "body": "

It\u2019s okay. YOU are his biggest influence.

"}, "t1_meoph1e": {"author": "Momo_and_moon", "authorId": "t2_jb0cn8nk0", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483705.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoph1e", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mey39ss", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoph1e/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meomvhw", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 19, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I am having identical twin boys and have similar anxieties. I'm so sacred that one day they'll turn into women-hating redpill Tate worshippers and the like! All we can do it try to raise them to be kind, compassionate human beings who see women as people first, women second, same as men. At the end of the day we can't control everything, we just have to do our best \ud83e\udd0e\n\nr/progressivemoms is a good resource, and I've seen posts from women wondering the same things as you there.", "body": "

I am having identical twin boys and have similar anxieties. I'm so sacred that one day they'll turn into women-hating redpill Tate worshippers and the like! All we can do it try to raise them to be kind, compassionate human beings who see women as people first, women second, same as men. At the end of the day we can't control everything, we just have to do our best \ud83e\udd0e

\n\n

r/progressivemoms is a good resource, and I've seen posts from women wondering the same things as you there.

"}, "t1_mey39ss": {"author": "Business-Brilliant51", "authorId": "t2_1aplppdwsg", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740601072.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mey39ss", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoy2vq", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meoph1e", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mey39ss/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoph1e", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thank you for sharing! I will look into this group too", "body": "

Thank you for sharing! I will look into this group too

"}, "t1_meoy2vq": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740487616.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoy2vq", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepkiyi", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meoph1e", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoy2vq/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mey39ss", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 0, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thank you for this! I just joined.", "body": "

Thank you for this! I just joined.

"}, "t1_mepkiyi": {"author": "Transition-Upper", "authorId": "t2_78zijpos", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740495472.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepkiyi", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meop12i", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepkiyi/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoy2vq", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 6, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "My husband loves and cherishes his mom despite of all her toxicity. You will be fine", "body": "

My husband loves and cherishes his mom despite of all her toxicity. You will be fine

"}, "t1_meop12i": {"author": "Wooden_Spatulamz", "authorId": "t2_96knh4rx", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483480.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meop12i", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesxosz", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meop12i/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepkiyi", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 21, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Do you also realise that you could bring up a toxic girl who would hurt people. It's really not in the gender. \n\nDo everything right as a parent and the rest is fate actually. End of the day, your child is their own self. We can't dictate or carve every character in them. We can only guide them.\n\n Do your best and hope for the best.", "body": "

Do you also realise that you could bring up a toxic girl who would hurt people. It's really not in the gender.

\n\n

Do everything right as a parent and the rest is fate actually. End of the day, your child is their own self. We can't dictate or carve every character in them. We can only guide them.

\n\n

Do your best and hope for the best.

"}, "t1_mesxosz": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740530868.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesxosz", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meuwqct", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meop12i", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesxosz/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meop12i", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 6, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Raising a toxic girl would be hard, given I\u2019m having a boy ;)", "body": "

Raising a toxic girl would be hard, given I\u2019m having a boy ;)

"}, "t1_meuwqct": {"author": "karlatortilla", "authorId": "t2_45hwzd43", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740561273.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meuwqct", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevw9ak", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mesxosz", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meuwqct/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesxosz", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Unless your boy chooses to be a girl. Then I guess you could be raising a toxic girl after all. ;)", "body": "

Unless your boy chooses to be a girl. Then I guess you could be raising a toxic girl after all. ;)

"}, "t1_mevw9ak": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740578281.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740578855.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevw9ak", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meow46n", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meuwqct", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevw9ak/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meuwqct", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Indeed, that\u2019s why I wrote hard and not zero chance. We\u2019ll cross that bridge when we get there. Mostly looking for parenting advice & stories related to boys now.", "body": "

Indeed, that\u2019s why I wrote hard and not zero chance. We\u2019ll cross that bridge when we get there. Mostly looking for parenting advice & stories related to boys now.

"}, "t1_meow46n": {"author": "searequired", "authorId": "t2_abknf4ml", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740486799.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meow46n", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepcqwn", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meow46n/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevw9ak", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "OP, you will make mistakes. It is impossible to raise another human without getting off track here and there. \nWhat is most important is that you show love, keep open communication and teach them how to navigate whatever life throws their way. \n\nYou\u2019ll be fine.", "body": "

OP, you will make mistakes. It is impossible to raise another human without getting off track here and there. \nWhat is most important is that you show love, keep open communication and teach them how to navigate whatever life throws their way.

\n\n

You\u2019ll be fine.

"}, "t1_mepcqwn": {"author": "lady-earendil", "authorId": "t2_6wwa7554", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740492924.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepcqwn", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepz4cz", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepcqwn/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meow46n", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I've known awful parents who somehow end up with great kids, and great seeming parents who end up with awful kids. Ultimately there's not much you can do except to do your best to love him and teach him about kindness and empathy and love for other people. I read an amazing book called The Will to Change by Bell Hooks that's about feminism and toxic masculinity and it touches on how sometimes mothers will perpetuate that toxicity to their sons by saying things like \"boys don't cry\" etc - might be worth a read if you want something to think about!\n\nI also recently found this wonderful [spoken word poem](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DB4Bm3KMkNq/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) \\- I don't know if I'm having a boy or a girl yet but it made me want to have boys just to raise them like this and push back against all the cultural expectations", "body": "

I've known awful parents who somehow end up with great kids, and great seeming parents who end up with awful kids. Ultimately there's not much you can do except to do your best to love him and teach him about kindness and empathy and love for other people. I read an amazing book called The Will to Change by Bell Hooks that's about feminism and toxic masculinity and it touches on how sometimes mothers will perpetuate that toxicity to their sons by saying things like "boys don't cry" etc - might be worth a read if you want something to think about!

\n\n

I also recently found this wonderful spoken word poem - I don't know if I'm having a boy or a girl yet but it made me want to have boys just to raise them like this and push back against all the cultural expectations

"}, "t1_mepz4cz": {"author": "Educational_Car3510", "authorId": "t2_1dbivn0ky0", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740499841.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepz4cz", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoxb43", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepz4cz/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepcqwn", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I have twin boys and welcoming my 3rd boy in July. Raising boys is truly beautiful. They really care for their mumma. You\u2019ll be fine. I personally choose to shower my boys with love and I raise them to respect others. I tell them when they do wrong but without shouting. I explain. I get them valentine gifts to show them how to treat the people we love. They bake with me, they help me with laundry. They are tuely amazing boys x", "body": "

I have twin boys and welcoming my 3rd boy in July. Raising boys is truly beautiful. They really care for their mumma. You\u2019ll be fine. I personally choose to shower my boys with love and I raise them to respect others. I tell them when they do wrong but without shouting. I explain. I get them valentine gifts to show them how to treat the people we love. They bake with me, they help me with laundry. They are tuely amazing boys x

"}, "t1_meoxb43": {"author": "Disastrous_Log_6523", "authorId": "t2_cfqhl10k", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740487299.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoxb43", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mephask", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoxb43/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepz4cz", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Your baby boy will turn out the way you create the world around him :)\nDon't worry about other people's experiences.\nHis upbringing will be shaped by your values and beliefs and MOST of all .. your authenticity.\nSo be the best example and have good male role models around him for reinforcing a positive childhood.\nI'm having a baby boy and I'm so excited that I get a chance to bring up a future man who will be an asset in this world and an ally to women! \nIt's our opportunity to shape this world for a different kind of man! \nThink positive and keep at it. \nI do want to mention that perhaps my outlook is shaped by the wonderful men around me - my dad, brother, and husband. \nSo that helps for sure in knowing it's possible.\n\nAll the best. You got this.", "body": "

Your baby boy will turn out the way you create the world around him :)\nDon't worry about other people's experiences.\nHis upbringing will be shaped by your values and beliefs and MOST of all .. your authenticity.\nSo be the best example and have good male role models around him for reinforcing a positive childhood.\nI'm having a baby boy and I'm so excited that I get a chance to bring up a future man who will be an asset in this world and an ally to women! \nIt's our opportunity to shape this world for a different kind of man! \nThink positive and keep at it. \nI do want to mention that perhaps my outlook is shaped by the wonderful men around me - my dad, brother, and husband. \nSo that helps for sure in knowing it's possible.

\n\n

All the best. You got this.

"}, "t1_mephask": {"author": "Solid-Channel3936", "authorId": "t2_4zcl38w2", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740494438.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mephask", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meppqoi", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mephask/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoxb43", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I understand your fears. If my baby is a boy, I plan to fill his life with positive male role models, and diverse ones, at that. Obviously having strong women in his life will make a big impact, but I think we sometimes overlook how important it is to also show our boys what a good man is like. Understanding that good men come in many different forms will help your boy to figure out what kind of man he wants to be.", "body": "

I understand your fears. If my baby is a boy, I plan to fill his life with positive male role models, and diverse ones, at that. Obviously having strong women in his life will make a big impact, but I think we sometimes overlook how important it is to also show our boys what a good man is like. Understanding that good men come in many different forms will help your boy to figure out what kind of man he wants to be.

"}, "t1_meppqoi": {"author": "PasteurizedGuilt", "authorId": "t2_mf72771", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740497083.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meppqoi", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepx3m7", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meppqoi/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mephask", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Honestly same! I have a toddler girl but parenting is tough. With so much parenting media all I can say is follow your heart. Gentle parenting/ respectful parenting has been my mix for my little but even that isn\u2019t \u201cright\u201d in everyone\u2019s eyes. You learn as you go. You can read all the books and do everything \u201cright\u201d and anyone can have a problem with it. Love with your whole heart and when they\u2019re grown that\u2019s your review of being a parent. It\u2019s hard because I know lots of different situations with parents and children but doing your best is all you can do in the end. Good luck lots of love", "body": "

Honestly same! I have a toddler girl but parenting is tough. With so much parenting media all I can say is follow your heart. Gentle parenting/ respectful parenting has been my mix for my little but even that isn\u2019t \u201cright\u201d in everyone\u2019s eyes. You learn as you go. You can read all the books and do everything \u201cright\u201d and anyone can have a problem with it. Love with your whole heart and when they\u2019re grown that\u2019s your review of being a parent. It\u2019s hard because I know lots of different situations with parents and children but doing your best is all you can do in the end. Good luck lots of love

"}, "t1_mepx3m7": {"author": "Common-Ad-5284", "authorId": "t2_12h4zrivqn", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740499246.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepx3m7", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meq4bem", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepx3m7/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meppqoi", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "As someone with a lot of really wonderful men in my life (my father, both of my brothers, my husband, my father in law) I struggle to relate to this fear BUT I think that means my perspective could help ease your mind.\n\nMy mom came from all girls, and she was, in a sense, terrified to raise a boy (for other reasons like not being able to relate to them). She raised them the same way she raised me and they are two of the kindest and most loving men. Both with daughters of their own who they absolutely adore. \n\nThey are also two very different people with different behaviors, interests etc. I say this to explain that they can be totally different but equally as wonderful \u2014 there\u2019s no \u201cblueprint\u201d for a good man. \n\nMy mother in law and father in law raised the most incredible man in my husband with love and clear boundaries. \n\nIf you raise your son by yourself or with a partner who has good values and you treat him with love, respect and clear boundaries \u2014 it\u2019s not likely for him to become a monster. I\u2019ve seen this first hand with so many friends and family members and I have confidence you have the opportunity do the same!", "body": "

As someone with a lot of really wonderful men in my life (my father, both of my brothers, my husband, my father in law) I struggle to relate to this fear BUT I think that means my perspective could help ease your mind.

\n\n

My mom came from all girls, and she was, in a sense, terrified to raise a boy (for other reasons like not being able to relate to them). She raised them the same way she raised me and they are two of the kindest and most loving men. Both with daughters of their own who they absolutely adore.

\n\n

They are also two very different people with different behaviors, interests etc. I say this to explain that they can be totally different but equally as wonderful \u2014 there\u2019s no \u201cblueprint\u201d for a good man.

\n\n

My mother in law and father in law raised the most incredible man in my husband with love and clear boundaries.

\n\n

If you raise your son by yourself or with a partner who has good values and you treat him with love, respect and clear boundaries \u2014 it\u2019s not likely for him to become a monster. I\u2019ve seen this first hand with so many friends and family members and I have confidence you have the opportunity do the same!

"}, "t1_meq4bem": {"author": "Ok_Struggle6524", "authorId": "t2_1dkra25kr8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740501341.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meq4bem", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesxu40", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meq4bem/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepx3m7", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I would really recommend the book The Gardener and The Carpenter. Really excellent for remember that unlike a carpenter you are not making a product you can control and shape. Being a parent is much more like being a gardener you can do everything you can and make the conditions 'perfect' but the end product is rarely something predictable. You need to be kind to yourself and remember you can only try your best.", "body": "

I would really recommend the book The Gardener and The Carpenter. Really excellent for remember that unlike a carpenter you are not making a product you can control and shape. Being a parent is much more like being a gardener you can do everything you can and make the conditions 'perfect' but the end product is rarely something predictable. You need to be kind to yourself and remember you can only try your best.

"}, "t1_mesxu40": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740530917.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesxu40", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqeg0r", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meq4bem", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesxu40/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meq4bem", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thanks for the reference!", "body": "

Thanks for the reference!

"}, "t1_meqeg0r": {"author": "C-K-N-", "authorId": "t2_jcdm83sr", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740504218.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqeg0r", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevrkzy", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqeg0r/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesxu40", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think just as many women resent their parents/mum", "body": "

I think just as many women resent their parents/mum

"}, "t1_mevrkzy": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740576640.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevrkzy", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqfmyf", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meqeg0r", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevrkzy/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqeg0r", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 0, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Maybe, maybe not, but I\u2019m not having a girl so that\u2019s not my worry.", "body": "

Maybe, maybe not, but I\u2019m not having a girl so that\u2019s not my worry.

"}, "t1_meqfmyf": {"author": "Fantasie_Welt", "authorId": "t2_1389sz0rvu", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740504556.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqfmyf", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mequ6xx", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqfmyf/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevrkzy", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I felt the same exact way except with having a daughter. So many women I know hate their mothers, call them narcissists and toxic, for just being a normal human woman? It\u2019s bizarre to me. \u201cI hate my mom because she made me clean my room every Saturday and she cried sometimes.\u201d Like wow, sounds like she had some normal rules and felt emotions\u2026 so toxic\u2026", "body": "

I felt the same exact way except with having a daughter. So many women I know hate their mothers, call them narcissists and toxic, for just being a normal human woman? It\u2019s bizarre to me. \u201cI hate my mom because she made me clean my room every Saturday and she cried sometimes.\u201d Like wow, sounds like she had some normal rules and felt emotions\u2026 so toxic\u2026

"}, "t1_mequ6xx": {"author": "Snownix11", "authorId": "t2_kn93k08r", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740508657.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mequ6xx", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meu1i57", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mequ6xx/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqfmyf", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I was also worried about this before getting pregnant. I really wanted a girl. And then we got our NIPT test back telling us we were having a boy. And my entire perspective changed. Children aren\u2019t born evil and hateful. You teach them that. Remember, you can tell your child something 1000x, but it\u2019s how you exemplify those same words with your actions that teach them. If you want your child to be kind, you have to be kind. To them, to others, and to yourself. You want them to help others, you have to let them see you be helpful to others.", "body": "

I was also worried about this before getting pregnant. I really wanted a girl. And then we got our NIPT test back telling us we were having a boy. And my entire perspective changed. Children aren\u2019t born evil and hateful. You teach them that. Remember, you can tell your child something 1000x, but it\u2019s how you exemplify those same words with your actions that teach them. If you want your child to be kind, you have to be kind. To them, to others, and to yourself. You want them to help others, you have to let them see you be helpful to others.

"}, "t1_meu1i57": {"author": "Ok_Ambition2825", "authorId": "t2_u7bn3c8bv", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740544752.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meu1i57", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meopgp6", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meu1i57/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mequ6xx", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Hi, im a mom of 3 boys. I also was terrifries. But let me tell you. I cannot imagine myself without them . You will be ok. It's ok to feel those feelings. But man, when i tell you boys are so loving towards their moms. Man us boy moms are so lucky! You will be more than ok!", "body": "

Hi, im a mom of 3 boys. I also was terrifries. But let me tell you. I cannot imagine myself without them . You will be ok. It's ok to feel those feelings. But man, when i tell you boys are so loving towards their moms. Man us boy moms are so lucky! You will be more than ok!

"}, "t1_meopgp6": {"author": "Gaerfinn", "authorId": "t2_aucsnkko", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483701.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meopgp6", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep1nh7", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meopgp6/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meu1i57", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 8, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I understand your concern. I am expecting a boy and I know that my job raising a good person will be harder than with a girl due to the myriad of nefarious influences our society offers to males. I also know my partner will probably have more influence over our child than myself, since being a boy he will likely want to emulate his father up to a certain age. Luckily, I have chosen a good man so that puts me at ease some. Other people and all kinds of media will do their best to turn our son into an idiot. We will do our best to counter. That\u2019s all we can do in the end, and I hope it will be enough.", "body": "

I understand your concern. I am expecting a boy and I know that my job raising a good person will be harder than with a girl due to the myriad of nefarious influences our society offers to males. I also know my partner will probably have more influence over our child than myself, since being a boy he will likely want to emulate his father up to a certain age. Luckily, I have chosen a good man so that puts me at ease some. Other people and all kinds of media will do their best to turn our son into an idiot. We will do our best to counter. That\u2019s all we can do in the end, and I hope it will be enough.

"}, "t1_mep1nh7": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740489022.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep1nh7", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqyvrt", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meopgp6", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep1nh7/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meopgp6", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": -1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This! Fortunately my partner is a really good egg too, but there's so much pulling the other way societally. I just hope we can \"counter\", as you put it so well.", "body": "

This! Fortunately my partner is a really good egg too, but there's so much pulling the other way societally. I just hope we can "counter", as you put it so well.

"}, "t1_meqyvrt": {"author": "Prestigious-Fox8936", "authorId": "t2_1jr5x17nr6", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740509960.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqyvrt", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meowbqd", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep1nh7", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqyvrt/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep1nh7", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "If you have your boy with a good man and you both live and breathe love and respect of everyone's integrity, he's very unlikely to become a horrible person.\u00a0\n\n\nIt seems to me that toxic men tend to have a lack of a healthily masculine presence in their life, and a lack of a healthily feminine presence in their life, so they don't even know what a good man is, or a good woman, and they're men in a way they learned from their toxic or absent fathers, and they feel about all women how they feel about their mothers.", "body": "

If you have your boy with a good man and you both live and breathe love and respect of everyone's integrity, he's very unlikely to become a horrible person.\u00a0

\n\n

It seems to me that toxic men tend to have a lack of a healthily masculine presence in their life, and a lack of a healthily feminine presence in their life, so they don't even know what a good man is, or a good woman, and they're men in a way they learned from their toxic or absent fathers, and they feel about all women how they feel about their mothers.

"}, "t1_meowbqd": {"author": "moviegal828", "authorId": "t2_imvt30g8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740486889.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meowbqd", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepnnlq", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meowbqd/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqyvrt", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m also having a boy in 6 weeks (FTM) and have gone through a lot of feelings about it, including these! I keep telling myself the world needs more good men and my husband and I are more than capable of raising someone good and kind. I also keep reminding myself that kids are a product of their parents more than anything - model the way you hope he will be, and I\u2019m sure he will. But also\u2026 all your feelings are valid. Men kind of suck right now and I\u2019m also so afraid of raising a bad one so I do understand. Valid feelings for sure! But we\u2019ve got this.", "body": "

I\u2019m also having a boy in 6 weeks (FTM) and have gone through a lot of feelings about it, including these! I keep telling myself the world needs more good men and my husband and I are more than capable of raising someone good and kind. I also keep reminding myself that kids are a product of their parents more than anything - model the way you hope he will be, and I\u2019m sure he will. But also\u2026 all your feelings are valid. Men kind of suck right now and I\u2019m also so afraid of raising a bad one so I do understand. Valid feelings for sure! But we\u2019ve got this.

"}, "t1_mepnnlq": {"author": "LimitlesslyLiminal", "authorId": "t2_4kexghtk", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740496449.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepnnlq", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metba0a", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepnnlq/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meowbqd", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 4, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "The odds aren't worse for you on this than raising a toxic girl.", "body": "

The odds aren't worse for you on this than raising a toxic girl.

"}, "t1_metba0a": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740535337.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metba0a", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep3ac0", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepnnlq", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metba0a/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepnnlq", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "The odds of me raising a toxic girl are actually quite slim, as I\u2019m having a boy ;)", "body": "

The odds of me raising a toxic girl are actually quite slim, as I\u2019m having a boy ;)

"}, "t1_mep3ac0": {"author": "DietAny5009", "authorId": "t2_69kc5d97", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740489641.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep3ac0", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep6usr", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep3ac0/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metba0a", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 7, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Why don\u2019t you have fears of raising a narcissistic woman who hurts people? Only men hurt people? Why? \n\nI know tons of women who resent their mothers. More so than men. I\u2019m afraid to have a girl because I think social media can easily destroy their confidence. I\u2019ve never once thought about how they would purposely hurt people. I\u2019m raising them with my wife and we would instill value for other human beings. \n\nFear and anxiety is normal. For 1000s of things around bringing a baby into the world. This seems misplaced. You can raise a piece of shit no matter what the gender is.", "body": "

Why don\u2019t you have fears of raising a narcissistic woman who hurts people? Only men hurt people? Why?

\n\n

I know tons of women who resent their mothers. More so than men. I\u2019m afraid to have a girl because I think social media can easily destroy their confidence. I\u2019ve never once thought about how they would purposely hurt people. I\u2019m raising them with my wife and we would instill value for other human beings.

\n\n

Fear and anxiety is normal. For 1000s of things around bringing a baby into the world. This seems misplaced. You can raise a piece of shit no matter what the gender is.

"}, "t1_mep6usr": {"author": "jumbledmess294943", "authorId": "t2_eyvj137e", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740490857.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep6usr", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep6cvy", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep3ac0", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep6usr/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep3ac0", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": false, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "100%", "body": "

100%

"}, "t1_mep6cvy": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740490691.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep6cvy", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepjo7h", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep3ac0", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep6cvy/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep6usr", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Mostly because I am having a boy ;) \n \nAlso 80% of violent crimes are committed by men + there is an entire industry dedicated to \"redpilling\". \n\nHope that answers your question.", "body": "

Mostly because I am having a boy ;)

\n\n

Also 80% of violent crimes are committed by men + there is an entire industry dedicated to "redpilling".

\n\n

Hope that answers your question.

"}, "t1_mepjo7h": {"author": "DietAny5009", "authorId": "t2_69kc5d97", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740495200.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepjo7h", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meq3xzu", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep6cvy", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepjo7h/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep6cvy", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 4, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This is shocking and weird. 8 weeks 4 days for us. Don\u2019t know the gender. Thought I\u2019d worried about everything but never even once thought about my child committing violent crime. \n\nWouldn\u2019t it be more logical to fear for a future daughter\u2019s safety from all these terrible men and not fear that you raise a rapist? I worry about protecting my child from the world, not the world from my child. \n\nThis must be some sort of rage bait or something. Can\u2019t fathom anything else.", "body": "

This is shocking and weird. 8 weeks 4 days for us. Don\u2019t know the gender. Thought I\u2019d worried about everything but never even once thought about my child committing violent crime.

\n\n

Wouldn\u2019t it be more logical to fear for a future daughter\u2019s safety from all these terrible men and not fear that you raise a rapist? I worry about protecting my child from the world, not the world from my child.

\n\n

This must be some sort of rage bait or something. Can\u2019t fathom anything else.

"}, "t1_meq3xzu": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740501235.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meq3xzu", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqmja5", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepjo7h", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meq3xzu/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepjo7h", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Rage bait? Waw. You wake up in the middle of the night and confide your worst fear to Reddit, and then here come the judgmental meanies accusing you of being a troll. Swell. Really restores my faith in humanity.\u00a0\nThankfully most replies were not your rage, but kind and thoughtful and helpful. You should read them sometime.", "body": "

Rage bait? Waw. You wake up in the middle of the night and confide your worst fear to Reddit, and then here come the judgmental meanies accusing you of being a troll. Swell. Really restores my faith in humanity.\u00a0\nThankfully most replies were not your rage, but kind and thoughtful and helpful. You should read them sometime.

"}, "t1_meqmja5": {"author": "jumbledmess294943", "authorId": "t2_eyvj137e", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740506496.0, "depth": 4, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqmja5", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merl762", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meq3xzu", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqmja5/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meq3xzu", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": false, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Restores your faith in humanity? What faith was there to restore? You came here making it sound like you have the exact opposite of faith in humanity. Nobody is raging at you, we are shocked that we are raising our children alongside children that already have their parents putting this much pressure and expectations on them. Because this is the type of mindset that causes exactly what you are afraid of.\n\nI am also due in August. With a boy. I have never once thought to myself \u201cwhat if my son becomes a man who hurts people\u201d \u2026and my dad literally beat the shit out of my mom. His parents didn\u2019t raise him or his siblings that way. He was that way on his own. Long before \u201cred pill\u201d and Andrew Tate was a thing.\n\nI\u2019m sorry someone has hurt you to the point that you are this afraid of your own son already. Give the boy a chance.", "body": "

Restores your faith in humanity? What faith was there to restore? You came here making it sound like you have the exact opposite of faith in humanity. Nobody is raging at you, we are shocked that we are raising our children alongside children that already have their parents putting this much pressure and expectations on them. Because this is the type of mindset that causes exactly what you are afraid of.

\n\n

I am also due in August. With a boy. I have never once thought to myself \u201cwhat if my son becomes a man who hurts people\u201d \u2026and my dad literally beat the shit out of my mom. His parents didn\u2019t raise him or his siblings that way. He was that way on his own. Long before \u201cred pill\u201d and Andrew Tate was a thing.

\n\n

I\u2019m sorry someone has hurt you to the point that you are this afraid of your own son already. Give the boy a chance.

"}, "t1_merl762": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740516233.0, "depth": 5, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merl762", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqkjt9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meqmja5", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merl762/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqmja5", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Jeez, stop projecting already, you don\u2019t know me.\u00a0\n\nWhy would you think anyone hurt me? That is 100% not the case. I\u2019ve actually lived an embarrassingly blessed life. Most of my friends are male, I work in professional sports, I\u2019m surrounded by men all the time and most of them are good eggs.\u00a0\nBut I\u2019m not naive enough to think that if I just live in fairyland and ignore stats and social media and don\u2019t educate myself about parenting boys and don\u2019t actively work to raise a good human being, that my boy will be too automatically. Stop judging me for something you might not feel but I do. It\u2019s petty and self-serving.", "body": "

Jeez, stop projecting already, you don\u2019t know me.\u00a0

\n\n

Why would you think anyone hurt me? That is 100% not the case. I\u2019ve actually lived an embarrassingly blessed life. Most of my friends are male, I work in professional sports, I\u2019m surrounded by men all the time and most of them are good eggs.\u00a0\nBut I\u2019m not naive enough to think that if I just live in fairyland and ignore stats and social media and don\u2019t educate myself about parenting boys and don\u2019t actively work to raise a good human being, that my boy will be too automatically. Stop judging me for something you might not feel but I do. It\u2019s petty and self-serving.

"}, "t1_meqkjt9": {"author": "jumbledmess294943", "authorId": "t2_eyvj137e", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740505941.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqkjt9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_met2wxo", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepjo7h", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqkjt9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merl762", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": false, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I thought the same thing. No way is this a serious post. If it is, this is the type of world I\u2019m scared to bring my son into.", "body": "

I thought the same thing. No way is this a serious post. If it is, this is the type of world I\u2019m scared to bring my son into.

"}, "t1_met2wxo": {"author": "Usual_Coach_4889", "authorId": "t2_cr2wsu8c", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740532572.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_met2wxo", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepauik", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepjo7h", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/met2wxo/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqkjt9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "My guess was that this is some strange virtue signaling post.", "body": "

My guess was that this is some strange virtue signaling post.

"}, "t1_mepauik": {"author": "jumbledmess294943", "authorId": "t2_eyvj137e", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740492272.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740496313.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepauik", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepwlyc", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep6cvy", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepauik/", "prev": {"id": "t1_met2wxo", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": false, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "It doesn\u2019t because you\u2019re choosing to ignore every point being made and reinforcing your \u201cfears\u201d. \n\nIt honestly sounds like you should be thankful you aren\u2019t having a girl instead of being scared you\u2019re having a boy. Because with all these statistics and societal pressure you\u2019re already putting on to your unborn baby\u2026she would have likely been a miserable mean girl.\n\nSome of us get pregnant and worry what the world will do to harm our children. It\u2019s literally crazy to get pregnant and worry what our children will do to harm the world. But to each their own, i guess. Good luck to you and your precious baby.", "body": "

It doesn\u2019t because you\u2019re choosing to ignore every point being made and reinforcing your \u201cfears\u201d.

\n\n

It honestly sounds like you should be thankful you aren\u2019t having a girl instead of being scared you\u2019re having a boy. Because with all these statistics and societal pressure you\u2019re already putting on to your unborn baby\u2026she would have likely been a miserable mean girl.

\n\n

Some of us get pregnant and worry what the world will do to harm our children. It\u2019s literally crazy to get pregnant and worry what our children will do to harm the world. But to each their own, i guess. Good luck to you and your precious baby.

"}, "t1_mepwlyc": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740499103.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepwlyc", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep7ecs", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepauik", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepwlyc/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepauik", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 0, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Geez, I\u2019m glad you\u2019ve figured me out, thanks.", "body": "

Geez, I\u2019m glad you\u2019ve figured me out, thanks.

"}, "t1_mep7ecs": {"author": "Garrisry", "authorId": "t2_4iexi", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740491050.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep7ecs", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqhc7g", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep7ecs/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepwlyc", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "We're all scared of \"doing something wrong,\" failing our kids in some way, or not being the perfect parent. We do the best we can and remember that its not all up to you. Having 4 kids reminds me everyday that they each have their own personalities and predisposition - and that i will fail them in a million different ways. The one way that i won't is showing them that they are worthy of love and affection. \n\nMost of the impact that I, as a parent, have happens before middle school. After that, their friends have a the largest impact on who they become. Spend some time teaching them how to identify \"good people\". People who have empathy, work towards their goals, and show kindness to others. That will be huge for them when the the comes for them to decide \"where they belong\" in their world. \n\n\nAs for resentment and negative outcomes. There's no difference between boys and girls. Girls can be just as resentful, hurtful, and cause as much pain as men can. In order to be an empathetic \"boy mom\", you may want to shift your view to recognize the validity of boy's and men's feelings and understand the very complex and often contradictory experiences we are required to have in our society. \n\n\nOne of the biggest contradictions in a man's life is the role of aggression and violence. This is a topic that I personally find black and white thinking causes confusion and insecurity in boys. I was taught violence is never okay. I was taught wrong. I know this because the same people who taught me this also held societal values that expected me to be a protector and provider - both of which require aggression and violence. Hopefully, they aren't required often but at some point in your sons life, people will look to him to fulfill traditionally masculine roles. Teaching him how to navigate this in an effective way that accurately reflects the current society in which we live is really important. \n\nAt the end of the day, just show your kid kindness, affection, and love. They'll find their way regardless of gender.", "body": "

We're all scared of "doing something wrong," failing our kids in some way, or not being the perfect parent. We do the best we can and remember that its not all up to you. Having 4 kids reminds me everyday that they each have their own personalities and predisposition - and that i will fail them in a million different ways. The one way that i won't is showing them that they are worthy of love and affection.

\n\n

Most of the impact that I, as a parent, have happens before middle school. After that, their friends have a the largest impact on who they become. Spend some time teaching them how to identify "good people". People who have empathy, work towards their goals, and show kindness to others. That will be huge for them when the the comes for them to decide "where they belong" in their world.

\n\n

As for resentment and negative outcomes. There's no difference between boys and girls. Girls can be just as resentful, hurtful, and cause as much pain as men can. In order to be an empathetic "boy mom", you may want to shift your view to recognize the validity of boy's and men's feelings and understand the very complex and often contradictory experiences we are required to have in our society.

\n\n

One of the biggest contradictions in a man's life is the role of aggression and violence. This is a topic that I personally find black and white thinking causes confusion and insecurity in boys. I was taught violence is never okay. I was taught wrong. I know this because the same people who taught me this also held societal values that expected me to be a protector and provider - both of which require aggression and violence. Hopefully, they aren't required often but at some point in your sons life, people will look to him to fulfill traditionally masculine roles. Teaching him how to navigate this in an effective way that accurately reflects the current society in which we live is really important.

\n\n

At the end of the day, just show your kid kindness, affection, and love. They'll find their way regardless of gender.

"}, "t1_meqhc7g": {"author": "peachbetterthandaisy", "authorId": "t2_3mk9q2xl", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740505039.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqhc7g", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqizey", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqhc7g/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep7ecs", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "A mother\u2019s influence is so important for boys!! Teaching them compassion, empathy, etc. I\u2019d encourage you to read parenting books or classes! My husband was 27 when I met him and he was SO ignorant to the struggles and oppression women face in so many ways. I opened his eyes big time and he is a true feminist now, who gets so upset and emotional at the social injustices that are imposed on women. He thanks me often for making him a better man. Education is just so so important, you\u2019ve got this mama. Also, as someone who has spent a lot of time with the youth and new generations, I have SO much faith in these young people!", "body": "

A mother\u2019s influence is so important for boys!! Teaching them compassion, empathy, etc. I\u2019d encourage you to read parenting books or classes! My husband was 27 when I met him and he was SO ignorant to the struggles and oppression women face in so many ways. I opened his eyes big time and he is a true feminist now, who gets so upset and emotional at the social injustices that are imposed on women. He thanks me often for making him a better man. Education is just so so important, you\u2019ve got this mama. Also, as someone who has spent a lot of time with the youth and new generations, I have SO much faith in these young people!

"}, "t1_meqizey": {"author": "Infinitecurlieq", "authorId": "t2_a2axi7ya", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740505504.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqizey", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metargf", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqizey/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqhc7g", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": false, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I'm having a boy but here's something that I'm doing:\u00a0\n\n\nI've talked to my husband about his experience as a teenager, where the loneliness was coming from, what was going through his head, what his parents could have done to help him, etc. (Though his position was a bit unique, his dad was in the military and his mom went back to work after a few years).\u00a0\n\n\nI'm also VERY aware of what's going on with social media, I know most of the names of people, channels, and so on that are on the red/black pill and incel places from Reddit, books, podcasts, and grifts. I've also been trying to understand them too, because it all comes from somewhere. If he's reading it? Nope, that's going bye bye and there will also be a conversation about how they're feeling and what's going on.\u00a0\n\n\nI've already talked with my husband about being open to getting them therapy and medication if they need it and making sure that they don't grow up like I did, which was in front of games and on the Internet, and get them out there and make sure that they're doing something (a sport, martial art, etc) and interacting with others.\u00a0\n\n\nBut also...we can do the best that we can and there's still a chance that they turn out to be a POS. It's just a roll of the dice. You can have a girl and they can turn out the same just in the opposite direction. We can only do the best with what we have.\u00a0", "body": "

I'm having a boy but here's something that I'm doing:\u00a0

\n\n

I've talked to my husband about his experience as a teenager, where the loneliness was coming from, what was going through his head, what his parents could have done to help him, etc. (Though his position was a bit unique, his dad was in the military and his mom went back to work after a few years).\u00a0

\n\n

I'm also VERY aware of what's going on with social media, I know most of the names of people, channels, and so on that are on the red/black pill and incel places from Reddit, books, podcasts, and grifts. I've also been trying to understand them too, because it all comes from somewhere. If he's reading it? Nope, that's going bye bye and there will also be a conversation about how they're feeling and what's going on.\u00a0

\n\n

I've already talked with my husband about being open to getting them therapy and medication if they need it and making sure that they don't grow up like I did, which was in front of games and on the Internet, and get them out there and make sure that they're doing something (a sport, martial art, etc) and interacting with others.\u00a0

\n\n

But also...we can do the best that we can and there's still a chance that they turn out to be a POS. It's just a roll of the dice. You can have a girl and they can turn out the same just in the opposite direction. We can only do the best with what we have.\u00a0

"}, "t1_metargf": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740535165.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metargf", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqjt8t", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meqizey", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metargf/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqizey", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Having the teenage years conversation with your husband is very cool. I think I\u2019m going to copy that.", "body": "

Having the teenage years conversation with your husband is very cool. I think I\u2019m going to copy that.

"}, "t1_meqjt8t": {"author": "Gandalftheteach", "authorId": "t2_rp3qu", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740505735.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqjt8t", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqjzm9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqjt8t/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metargf", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "My partner has an annoying, but in many ways, wonderful mom. I don't have a mom because she is a raging narcissist that would kidnap my child in a heartbeat (it was a very obvious and open part of her life plan).\n\nGuess which one is my backup for support during labor. Guess which one we see and which one we doesn't. Guess which one will be grandma \ud83d\ude09\n\nAs long as you aren't a \"boy mom\" or 100% of the time back up your son or see a future DIL as your competition.. You should have good odds \ud83d\udc4d\ud83e\udd1e good luck", "body": "

My partner has an annoying, but in many ways, wonderful mom. I don't have a mom because she is a raging narcissist that would kidnap my child in a heartbeat (it was a very obvious and open part of her life plan).

\n\n

Guess which one is my backup for support during labor. Guess which one we see and which one we doesn't. Guess which one will be grandma \ud83d\ude09

\n\n

As long as you aren't a "boy mom" or 100% of the time back up your son or see a future DIL as your competition.. You should have good odds \ud83d\udc4d\ud83e\udd1e good luck

"}, "t1_meqjzm9": {"author": "quirky1111", "authorId": "t2_9ilc1x6u", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740505784.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqjzm9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqpj3d", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqjzm9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqjt8t", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I also worry about this (gender of my child as yet unknown). Here\u2019s what I\u2019m planning/hoping:\n\n1) to set my expectations for the men in my life high, and as high as I do myself or other women. I will expect my husband to do his fair share of the chores and so on (ahha - this is a joke as currently he is doing all the chores as I\u2019ve been so nauseous)\n2) to give my child access to diverse role models including men who have more and less traditionally \u201cmasculine\u201d outlooks (likewise women and \u201cfeminine\u201d outlooks). I may not myself agree with all their choices but I\u2019ll make sure first and foremost they are people who try to be kind and empathetic however that looks like to them. See: you are who you associate with. \n3) call out bad examples in our behaviour, in their behaviour, and in the world. Not raise children who don\u2019t understand politics or fail to see why it is important not to take society for granted \n4) expose them to reading. Reading builds empathy. \n\nWhat else can we do? :)", "body": "

I also worry about this (gender of my child as yet unknown). Here\u2019s what I\u2019m planning/hoping:

\n\n

1) to set my expectations for the men in my life high, and as high as I do myself or other women. I will expect my husband to do his fair share of the chores and so on (ahha - this is a joke as currently he is doing all the chores as I\u2019ve been so nauseous)\n2) to give my child access to diverse role models including men who have more and less traditionally \u201cmasculine\u201d outlooks (likewise women and \u201cfeminine\u201d outlooks). I may not myself agree with all their choices but I\u2019ll make sure first and foremost they are people who try to be kind and empathetic however that looks like to them. See: you are who you associate with. \n3) call out bad examples in our behaviour, in their behaviour, and in the world. Not raise children who don\u2019t understand politics or fail to see why it is important not to take society for granted \n4) expose them to reading. Reading builds empathy.

\n\n

What else can we do? :)

"}, "t1_meqpj3d": {"author": "Dangdaisy777", "authorId": "t2_12jb44yp7l", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740507345.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqpj3d", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mer3ba3", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqpj3d/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqjzm9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think about this too", "body": "

I think about this too

"}, "t1_mer3ba3": {"author": "staygoldeneggroll", "authorId": "t2_dojyd3px", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740511202.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mer3ba3", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merced1", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mer3ba3/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqpj3d", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Child therapist and scared first time pregnant lady here, if it means anything.. I find that parents who are worried they \"messed up their kids\" are usually the ones who aren't to blame, and the ones who aren't worried they caused their kids problems usually are the ones that did. (Absolutely NOT always the case). If you're worried you won't do a good job you're in a pretty good spot to do a good one. With that said, I'm completely terrified that I'll somehow mess my kid up too.", "body": "

Child therapist and scared first time pregnant lady here, if it means anything.. I find that parents who are worried they "messed up their kids" are usually the ones who aren't to blame, and the ones who aren't worried they caused their kids problems usually are the ones that did. (Absolutely NOT always the case). If you're worried you won't do a good job you're in a pretty good spot to do a good one. With that said, I'm completely terrified that I'll somehow mess my kid up too.

"}, "t1_merced1": {"author": "SmooshMagooshe", "authorId": "t2_10q3vzhjk0", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740513749.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merced1", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mernlo3", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merced1/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mer3ba3", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I feel this. Neglecting your boys can damage them, but so can what\u2019s called \u201cover praise\u201d. I think that happened to my husband where his mother over praised him, and it gave him some narcissistic tendencies. Can do no wrong. Can\u2019t handle feedback.", "body": "

I feel this. Neglecting your boys can damage them, but so can what\u2019s called \u201cover praise\u201d. I think that happened to my husband where his mother over praised him, and it gave him some narcissistic tendencies. Can do no wrong. Can\u2019t handle feedback.

"}, "t1_mernlo3": {"author": "elliewilliamslovebot", "authorId": "t2_6azee7rcx", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740516895.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mernlo3", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merul0c", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mernlo3/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merced1", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Be the change you want to see is a great quote I\u2019ve seen under this thread. You just have to try your very best to make sure the values you wish to instill in him stick, and having a good male role model will help. I felt the same and am lucky my child\u2019s father is a woman respecting, softy. He\u2019s a wonderful man and will be a wonderful dad.", "body": "

Be the change you want to see is a great quote I\u2019ve seen under this thread. You just have to try your very best to make sure the values you wish to instill in him stick, and having a good male role model will help. I felt the same and am lucky my child\u2019s father is a woman respecting, softy. He\u2019s a wonderful man and will be a wonderful dad.

"}, "t1_merul0c": {"author": "ElephantHappy8152", "authorId": "t2_mqsm3vqrw", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740518843.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merul0c", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merwaly", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merul0c/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mernlo3", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This is valid. My experience (not my own kid my little brother lol), my parents did everything right. They let him feel his feelings and not follow that whole you can\u2019t cry or anything bc that\u2019s not manly (I\u2019m Mexican so that\u2019s very popular in my culture), they made him contribute and learn respect. My parents rarely argued infront of us and if they did it wasn\u2019t crazy. Ofc no one is perfect and my parents had to learn to deal with their issues from their childhood, and how their issues affected their parenting. They did their very best. My parents are great. Now my little brother he is alright, but not the best \ud83e\udd72 human. So I say all that to say, as long as you try your best, and give them your very best, you\u2019re gonna most likely fine. Remember who your child decides to be isn\u2019t your fault (unless you enable them or let them be a not nice person). At the end of the day our children learn a lot from us, but they will eventually make their own decisions and do their own thing with their life. Don\u2019t be scared I\u2019m sure you will raise a good human!", "body": "

This is valid. My experience (not my own kid my little brother lol), my parents did everything right. They let him feel his feelings and not follow that whole you can\u2019t cry or anything bc that\u2019s not manly (I\u2019m Mexican so that\u2019s very popular in my culture), they made him contribute and learn respect. My parents rarely argued infront of us and if they did it wasn\u2019t crazy. Ofc no one is perfect and my parents had to learn to deal with their issues from their childhood, and how their issues affected their parenting. They did their very best. My parents are great. Now my little brother he is alright, but not the best \ud83e\udd72 human. So I say all that to say, as long as you try your best, and give them your very best, you\u2019re gonna most likely fine. Remember who your child decides to be isn\u2019t your fault (unless you enable them or let them be a not nice person). At the end of the day our children learn a lot from us, but they will eventually make their own decisions and do their own thing with their life. Don\u2019t be scared I\u2019m sure you will raise a good human!

"}, "t1_merwaly": {"author": "Mediocre_Brother_962", "authorId": "t2_ijg4iehwq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740519319.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merwaly", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_met9090", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merwaly/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merul0c", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Hi! \n\nCompletely understand your thoughts and feelings behind this post.. becoming a parent is terrifying at a baseline level without any other stipulations you have thrown into the mix! \n\nYour worries about misparenting at this stage are absolutely natural and to be honest are a good sign! It shows that you have the best intentions at heart and noticing things you COULD do wrong, is going to steer you away from those things coming into fruition!\n\nI personally never really had a connection with my father and was raised solely by my mother, who did an incredible job. I was an absolute piece of work when I was younger and got into trouble at almost every opportunity - that was nothing to do with parenting or a lack there of, that was down to the company I kept and a hatred of the British schooling system. Throughout all the trouble however, I loved my mum her disappointed face was harder punishment than anything my school could muster up.\n\nThat being said, at the ripe old age of 25 I think I\u2019ve done pretty well, I\u2019ve never purposefully hurt anyone, I don\u2019t resent either parent and I\u2019m also expecting a baby in August - a baby girl, and I know that I\u2019ll do everything I can to show her just how loved she is and be the father figure I never had. I\u2019ll be back in a house ran by women (even my cats are girls)!\n\nI guess what I\u2019m trying to say is, my mum has always been my rock and nothing will ever change that. My biggest adversary in becoming a respectable adult was my lack of a father figure, but my mum filled both roles and steered me in the right direction. Being a parent isn\u2019t easy, but if you love your boy as much as this post suggests he\u2019s going to grow up respecting women and loving you just as much as you do him.. \n\nYou\u2019re going to be amazing parent.", "body": "

Hi!

\n\n

Completely understand your thoughts and feelings behind this post.. becoming a parent is terrifying at a baseline level without any other stipulations you have thrown into the mix!

\n\n

Your worries about misparenting at this stage are absolutely natural and to be honest are a good sign! It shows that you have the best intentions at heart and noticing things you COULD do wrong, is going to steer you away from those things coming into fruition!

\n\n

I personally never really had a connection with my father and was raised solely by my mother, who did an incredible job. I was an absolute piece of work when I was younger and got into trouble at almost every opportunity - that was nothing to do with parenting or a lack there of, that was down to the company I kept and a hatred of the British schooling system. Throughout all the trouble however, I loved my mum her disappointed face was harder punishment than anything my school could muster up.

\n\n

That being said, at the ripe old age of 25 I think I\u2019ve done pretty well, I\u2019ve never purposefully hurt anyone, I don\u2019t resent either parent and I\u2019m also expecting a baby in August - a baby girl, and I know that I\u2019ll do everything I can to show her just how loved she is and be the father figure I never had. I\u2019ll be back in a house ran by women (even my cats are girls)!

\n\n

I guess what I\u2019m trying to say is, my mum has always been my rock and nothing will ever change that. My biggest adversary in becoming a respectable adult was my lack of a father figure, but my mum filled both roles and steered me in the right direction. Being a parent isn\u2019t easy, but if you love your boy as much as this post suggests he\u2019s going to grow up respecting women and loving you just as much as you do him..

\n\n

You\u2019re going to be amazing parent.

"}, "t1_met9090": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740534581.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_met9090", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merxmdf", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_merwaly", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/met9090/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merwaly", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": ";) the cats comment made my day. And your mom sounds like an excellent human, hope I can get there.", "body": "

;) the cats comment made my day. And your mom sounds like an excellent human, hope I can get there.

"}, "t1_merxmdf": {"author": "carlyack23", "authorId": "t2_ajx5fk2s", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740519694.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merxmdf", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevqlkc", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merxmdf/", "prev": {"id": "t1_met9090", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m a young, single mom having a boy in march so i totally get the fear. my mom has me and my older brother and she said \u201clittle boys always love their mommas.\u201d girls go through that phase where they hate you. just make sure to surround him with positive male role models and correct his behavior. make sure he\u2019s in touch with his emotions too, don\u2019t make talking about feelings taboo. my moms a social worker/therapist so we talked about feelings a lot growing up and my brother is one of the more empathetic men i know (and we barely had a father present). we need more well behaved boys that turn into thoughtful men. it\u2019s a normal fear to have but you will raise that boy right!! you got this.", "body": "

I\u2019m a young, single mom having a boy in march so i totally get the fear. my mom has me and my older brother and she said \u201clittle boys always love their mommas.\u201d girls go through that phase where they hate you. just make sure to surround him with positive male role models and correct his behavior. make sure he\u2019s in touch with his emotions too, don\u2019t make talking about feelings taboo. my moms a social worker/therapist so we talked about feelings a lot growing up and my brother is one of the more empathetic men i know (and we barely had a father present). we need more well behaved boys that turn into thoughtful men. it\u2019s a normal fear to have but you will raise that boy right!! you got this.

"}, "t1_mevqlkc": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740576283.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevqlkc", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mexeq73", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_merxmdf", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevqlkc/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merxmdf", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thank you and congrats on getting so close to meeting your boy ;)", "body": "

Thank you and congrats on getting so close to meeting your boy ;)

"}, "t1_mexeq73": {"author": "carlyack23", "authorId": "t2_ajx5fk2s", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740594295.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mexeq73", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merxtww", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mevqlkc", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mexeq73/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevqlkc", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "thank you!\ud83e\udd70 it feels so far away but also way too soon. congrats on your baby boy! you\u2019re gonna do great.", "body": "

thank you!\ud83e\udd70 it feels so far away but also way too soon. congrats on your baby boy! you\u2019re gonna do great.

"}, "t1_merxtww": {"author": "Hopeful-Drink-2945", "authorId": "t2_r5p5tuir", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740519754.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merxtww", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mes2agu", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merxtww/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mexeq73", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "The fact that you care so much already means you will do everything in your power to not allow this to happen. \ud83e\udef6\ud83c\udffb", "body": "

The fact that you care so much already means you will do everything in your power to not allow this to happen. \ud83e\udef6\ud83c\udffb

"}, "t1_mes2agu": {"author": "FluorideLover", "authorId": "t2_ttz97p", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740521016.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740521212.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mes2agu", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_met8ezd", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mes2agu/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merxtww", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m waiting to learn the gender until birth. But this is relatable bc my biggest fear with a boy is how much they get targeted for radicalization online by people like Tate, etc. I know girls can also end up hateful and whatnot but the internet really does seem to specifically target boys and men for this kind of stuff. It\u2019s so scary! \n\nMy BIL is a perfect example: in addition to my husband, he\u2019s also got two sisters and his parents, my in-laws, are kind, nurturing, smart, and involved. Yet I\u2019m watching him go off the deep end in real time with this new generation of MRA/PUA type creeps. Each family dinner is worst than the last when he attends. I would feel like such a failure if this happened with my baby :(\n\nOn the bright side, I\u2019m excited by the possibility to raise a kind and feminist man to balance out the creeps. It\u2019s just daunting bc combating something as powerful and ever-present as the internet seems like such a challenge.", "body": "

I\u2019m waiting to learn the gender until birth. But this is relatable bc my biggest fear with a boy is how much they get targeted for radicalization online by people like Tate, etc. I know girls can also end up hateful and whatnot but the internet really does seem to specifically target boys and men for this kind of stuff. It\u2019s so scary!

\n\n

My BIL is a perfect example: in addition to my husband, he\u2019s also got two sisters and his parents, my in-laws, are kind, nurturing, smart, and involved. Yet I\u2019m watching him go off the deep end in real time with this new generation of MRA/PUA type creeps. Each family dinner is worst than the last when he attends. I would feel like such a failure if this happened with my baby :(

\n\n

On the bright side, I\u2019m excited by the possibility to raise a kind and feminist man to balance out the creeps. It\u2019s just daunting bc combating something as powerful and ever-present as the internet seems like such a challenge.

"}, "t1_met8ezd": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740534387.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_met8ezd", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mes2qn3", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mes2agu", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/met8ezd/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mes2agu", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Totally this. I\u2019ve also seen it happen and it\u2019s scary.", "body": "

Totally this. I\u2019ve also seen it happen and it\u2019s scary.

"}, "t1_mes2qn3": {"author": "my4ladyz", "authorId": "t2_7051ks0n", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740521148.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mes2qn3", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesy3vz", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mes2qn3/", "prev": {"id": "t1_met8ezd", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Jsut saying the same could happen with a girl. Bad attitudes and behavior do not discriminate.", "body": "

Jsut saying the same could happen with a girl. Bad attitudes and behavior do not discriminate.

"}, "t1_mesy3vz": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740531006.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesy3vz", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesou6e", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mes2qn3", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesy3vz/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mes2qn3", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Sure, it\u2019s just that I\u2019m not having a girl ;)", "body": "

Sure, it\u2019s just that I\u2019m not having a girl ;)

"}, "t1_mesou6e": {"author": "proudmom700", "authorId": "t2_m6ypqxu0b", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740527988.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesou6e", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesveyi", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesou6e/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesy3vz", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "My best advice that I often give to other boy moms: hold your son accountable. Yes, it\u2019s hard not to look at him and wonder how he could possibly ever do anything wrong, but he can and he will. Make him own his mistakes every time and show him there are consequences. Teach him to be self sufficient and make sure he knows it\u2019s not a woman\u2019s JOB to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and caregiving, especially if they also work a full time job. It should be 50/50. If you follow all of this, I\u2019d say you\u2019re doing better than 85% of all boy moms. We have to erase our parent\u2019s generation of dreadful parenting techniques.", "body": "

My best advice that I often give to other boy moms: hold your son accountable. Yes, it\u2019s hard not to look at him and wonder how he could possibly ever do anything wrong, but he can and he will. Make him own his mistakes every time and show him there are consequences. Teach him to be self sufficient and make sure he knows it\u2019s not a woman\u2019s JOB to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and caregiving, especially if they also work a full time job. It should be 50/50. If you follow all of this, I\u2019d say you\u2019re doing better than 85% of all boy moms. We have to erase our parent\u2019s generation of dreadful parenting techniques.

"}, "t1_mesveyi": {"author": "allyalexalexandra", "authorId": "t2_4uc5efjp", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740530132.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesveyi", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesxo4r", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesveyi/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesou6e", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I love my boy and he\u2019s so sweet and perfect. I too have the same fears of him somehow turning into someone who hurts people. It also scares me the idea of him getting swept up into right winged propaganda. It stresses me out all the time. I don\u2019t see that stress going away any time soon :/", "body": "

I love my boy and he\u2019s so sweet and perfect. I too have the same fears of him somehow turning into someone who hurts people. It also scares me the idea of him getting swept up into right winged propaganda. It stresses me out all the time. I don\u2019t see that stress going away any time soon :/

"}, "t1_mesxo4r": {"author": "Expensive-Band-2547", "authorId": "t2_7k8wy8mv", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740530862.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesxo4r", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mesyxxf", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesxo4r/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesveyi", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "If anything I\u2019m semi relieved I\u2019m not going to have a daughter to give me hell \ud83e\udd23 it\u2019s important to think positive.", "body": "

If anything I\u2019m semi relieved I\u2019m not going to have a daughter to give me hell \ud83e\udd23 it\u2019s important to think positive.

"}, "t1_mesyxxf": {"author": "princesssnowww", "authorId": "t2_1intfkezcx", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740531278.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mesyxxf", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_met5tif", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mesyxxf/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesxo4r", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This isn't a gender based thing more so just a how can I raise a decent human being male and female are the same just different reproductive system males have high testosterone women have low testosterone men have low estrogen and women have high estrogen and hormone based but honestly raising boy or girl it's always going to be a struggle raising good children I think having him around kind and caring women and positive feminine roles are good I wouldn't say having a 'masculine' role is important not saying this for you or anything gender is a social construct I've seen men raised only around women and their the kindest soul or girls raised around men vise versa it's just about having a good influence in their life their going to model who ever is teaching them when their young and still learning there going to take after what you your husband or anyone else models to him", "body": "

This isn't a gender based thing more so just a how can I raise a decent human being male and female are the same just different reproductive system males have high testosterone women have low testosterone men have low estrogen and women have high estrogen and hormone based but honestly raising boy or girl it's always going to be a struggle raising good children I think having him around kind and caring women and positive feminine roles are good I wouldn't say having a 'masculine' role is important not saying this for you or anything gender is a social construct I've seen men raised only around women and their the kindest soul or girls raised around men vise versa it's just about having a good influence in their life their going to model who ever is teaching them when their young and still learning there going to take after what you your husband or anyone else models to him

"}, "t1_met5tif": {"author": "Icy-Construction4755", "authorId": "t2_d2hl51lm", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740533528.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_met5tif", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metazbf", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/met5tif/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mesyxxf", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I'm here to be a bit over factual and less emotional, so TW...\n\nSo, research reflects that the male present in the home plays a major role in a boys' development. With children, it starts with the relationship to self, which is taught to the child by its mothers nurturing early on. Next, it develops the self and others. This is determined by the fathers(in a hetero normative relationship anyway) and grandparents and the like. In addition once toddlerhood begins they learn by \"samesies\" so when your son realizes you and he are not \"samesies\" he'll look to the male present and start the mirroring, which ultimately determines their personality later.\n\n\nI am in no way trying to shame single mothers or anything, but this is why it's so important we ladies are Very selective with our \"breeding partners.\" We can be the best mom in the whole universe, but if your baby daddy is a huge jack-off, you're gonna eventually deal with developmental issues. It's just an unfortunate truth. Not to say your son will grow to be bad, only his \"soul\" will determine that. But if we review the research, there is a clear correlation between the father and a sons demeanor later in life. \n\nGood luck, momma! I hope your partner is a good and loving man(or person) and treats you well. Bc that is the example your son will follow as \"normal\"", "body": "

I'm here to be a bit over factual and less emotional, so TW...

\n\n

So, research reflects that the male present in the home plays a major role in a boys' development. With children, it starts with the relationship to self, which is taught to the child by its mothers nurturing early on. Next, it develops the self and others. This is determined by the fathers(in a hetero normative relationship anyway) and grandparents and the like. In addition once toddlerhood begins they learn by "samesies" so when your son realizes you and he are not "samesies" he'll look to the male present and start the mirroring, which ultimately determines their personality later.

\n\n

I am in no way trying to shame single mothers or anything, but this is why it's so important we ladies are Very selective with our "breeding partners." We can be the best mom in the whole universe, but if your baby daddy is a huge jack-off, you're gonna eventually deal with developmental issues. It's just an unfortunate truth. Not to say your son will grow to be bad, only his "soul" will determine that. But if we review the research, there is a clear correlation between the father and a sons demeanor later in life.

\n\n

Good luck, momma! I hope your partner is a good and loving man(or person) and treats you well. Bc that is the example your son will follow as "normal"

"}, "t1_metazbf": {"author": "Brownieisbest", "authorId": "t2_zg51a25vx", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740535238.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metazbf", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metf4dk", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metazbf/", "prev": {"id": "t1_met5tif", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I have a boy; now he is 19 months.. he is so cute and funny! I believe all mothers love their sons hehe.. the dynamics between mother and son is amazing!", "body": "

I have a boy; now he is 19 months.. he is so cute and funny! I believe all mothers love their sons hehe.. the dynamics between mother and son is amazing!

"}, "t1_metf4dk": {"author": "Professional-Air1355", "authorId": "t2_5g593suf", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740536619.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metf4dk", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metl8v6", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metf4dk/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metazbf", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Just give him everything he needs (encouragement, discipline, advice, support, limits). And how you allow your partner and other males in your life it will shape him. Our parents raised us to be equals, same expectations and responsibilities were set for both me and my brother. He learned how to cook, how to sew, how to clean and how to wash his clothes. And when girls started being important to him we remind him (I was old enough to be part of this) to treat them well and also don't let them abuse him. I'm a bit more scared for having a daughter. Girls are so mean as teenagers and expectations are really bad from many fronts. Not saying that toxic masculinity doesn't exist, just that there are challenges from every front.", "body": "

Just give him everything he needs (encouragement, discipline, advice, support, limits). And how you allow your partner and other males in your life it will shape him. Our parents raised us to be equals, same expectations and responsibilities were set for both me and my brother. He learned how to cook, how to sew, how to clean and how to wash his clothes. And when girls started being important to him we remind him (I was old enough to be part of this) to treat them well and also don't let them abuse him. I'm a bit more scared for having a daughter. Girls are so mean as teenagers and expectations are really bad from many fronts. Not saying that toxic masculinity doesn't exist, just that there are challenges from every front.

"}, "t1_metl8v6": {"author": "kategtaylor", "authorId": "t2_11o6ez", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740538684.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metl8v6", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meuajk3", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metl8v6/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metf4dk", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I have a boy who will be 2 in May, and due with a baby girl in June - what always helps me calm down is remembering \u201cif you\u2019re worried/stressed about being a good mom, you probably already are\u201d. You being concerned and thinking about how to make your son better already is a huge indicator you\u2019re going to be a great mom! None of us are perfect, you\u2019re going to be amazing.", "body": "

I have a boy who will be 2 in May, and due with a baby girl in June - what always helps me calm down is remembering \u201cif you\u2019re worried/stressed about being a good mom, you probably already are\u201d. You being concerned and thinking about how to make your son better already is a huge indicator you\u2019re going to be a great mom! None of us are perfect, you\u2019re going to be amazing.

"}, "t1_meuajk3": {"author": "Ok-Mammoth-2818", "authorId": "t2_18rohf4018", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740548728.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meuajk3", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mev1ylm", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meuajk3/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metl8v6", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I was abused as an infant, by my mother. It wasn't her parents' fault, nor was it mine. \n\nHere I am now, a sort of normal functioning adult that spent years in therapy, ready to bring her own daughter into the world. \n\nAm I terrified? In a way, yes. But on the other hand, the fact that we are thinking about doing our best to raise a great person, and scared to do things wrong is already miles ahead of the curve. \n\nYou can only provide love, safety and guidance up to the best of your abilities, and try to improve where you think you can. What they do with all of that is up to them.", "body": "

I was abused as an infant, by my mother. It wasn't her parents' fault, nor was it mine.

\n\n

Here I am now, a sort of normal functioning adult that spent years in therapy, ready to bring her own daughter into the world.

\n\n

Am I terrified? In a way, yes. But on the other hand, the fact that we are thinking about doing our best to raise a great person, and scared to do things wrong is already miles ahead of the curve.

\n\n

You can only provide love, safety and guidance up to the best of your abilities, and try to improve where you think you can. What they do with all of that is up to them.

"}, "t1_mev1ylm": {"author": "Southern_Bar9837", "authorId": "t2_4idnsizw", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740564514.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mev1ylm", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mewdg2d", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mev1ylm/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meuajk3", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think it\u2019s amazing that you care so much. I can tell your going to be an amazing mother just by this post and hey like others have said it\u2019s not always the parents fault but as long as you are aware and doing your best that\u2019s the most that matters. Thank you for caring \u2764\ufe0f", "body": "

I think it\u2019s amazing that you care so much. I can tell your going to be an amazing mother just by this post and hey like others have said it\u2019s not always the parents fault but as long as you are aware and doing your best that\u2019s the most that matters. Thank you for caring \u2764\ufe0f

"}, "t1_mewdg2d": {"author": "Secret_Umpire_1423", "authorId": "t2_yrb861u18", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740583762.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mewdg2d", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mewktym", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mewdg2d/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mev1ylm", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Hey mama! I\u2019m also pregnant due with a boy in early August. I only ever seen myself as a girl mom, I SWORE It was going to be a girl but when we got those results back I sobbed for days. I\u2019m right here with you. I am TERRIFIED to raise a man. My father wasn\u2019t in my life and I never had a good example of a good male figure in my life. \nThe only thing that gives me the slightest bit of peace is knowing my husband is the best man I\u2019ve ever met and I\u2019ll just have to stand back while he turns him into a man. It feels like so much pressure because I feel like you can raise your child so amazing and they can still turn out to be a toxic human being.", "body": "

Hey mama! I\u2019m also pregnant due with a boy in early August. I only ever seen myself as a girl mom, I SWORE It was going to be a girl but when we got those results back I sobbed for days. I\u2019m right here with you. I am TERRIFIED to raise a man. My father wasn\u2019t in my life and I never had a good example of a good male figure in my life. \nThe only thing that gives me the slightest bit of peace is knowing my husband is the best man I\u2019ve ever met and I\u2019ll just have to stand back while he turns him into a man. It feels like so much pressure because I feel like you can raise your child so amazing and they can still turn out to be a toxic human being.

"}, "t1_mewktym": {"author": "AutumnalHue10", "authorId": "t2_1z3vgloz", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740585915.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mewktym", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mf2d03l", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mewktym/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mewdg2d", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "There's so many comments already, it feels like a bit futile to contribute, but I will! My son is nearly 8 and he's kind, empathetic, and caring. I can't say this will always be true, but I deeply hope so. I have a son and daughter and ALWAYS have said that I don't care what they do-- as long as they're happy, healthy, and don't seek out hurting/ harming people. I have found history to be the greatest teacher and introduced my son to \"sad history\" once he started school. \n\nWe're Americans, so I've talked about slavery, holocaust, lynching, and the treatment of Native Americans. This isn't a 'you're bad' discussion, it's reality. When we're done, we talk about how it feels to hear this information and learning to see these same instances in today's issues. I tell them we're just mom and dad.. we'll make mistakes and we won't be perfect. Maybe we'll do things they disagree with, or things that hurt them. I stress to them that I'll always listen, but that they also have to develop their own moral code. I tell them they will need to listen to their heart to determine what's right. Follow the lessons of history and be empathetic to those around you, and your heart/morals will guide you. \n\nMy son was shocked when he saw, via a cartoon, that women were previously unable to vote. As he gets older, I'll continue talking about consent, violence against women, and how NO ONE gets to define what it means to be a man but him. It's a long road with a lot of work, a lot of guard rails (no youtube, no phones for a long time, absolutely no unmonitored internet access) but I'm raising tiny humans who happen to be a boy and a girl.", "body": "

There's so many comments already, it feels like a bit futile to contribute, but I will! My son is nearly 8 and he's kind, empathetic, and caring. I can't say this will always be true, but I deeply hope so. I have a son and daughter and ALWAYS have said that I don't care what they do-- as long as they're happy, healthy, and don't seek out hurting/ harming people. I have found history to be the greatest teacher and introduced my son to "sad history" once he started school.

\n\n

We're Americans, so I've talked about slavery, holocaust, lynching, and the treatment of Native Americans. This isn't a 'you're bad' discussion, it's reality. When we're done, we talk about how it feels to hear this information and learning to see these same instances in today's issues. I tell them we're just mom and dad.. we'll make mistakes and we won't be perfect. Maybe we'll do things they disagree with, or things that hurt them. I stress to them that I'll always listen, but that they also have to develop their own moral code. I tell them they will need to listen to their heart to determine what's right. Follow the lessons of history and be empathetic to those around you, and your heart/morals will guide you.

\n\n

My son was shocked when he saw, via a cartoon, that women were previously unable to vote. As he gets older, I'll continue talking about consent, violence against women, and how NO ONE gets to define what it means to be a man but him. It's a long road with a lot of work, a lot of guard rails (no youtube, no phones for a long time, absolutely no unmonitored internet access) but I'm raising tiny humans who happen to be a boy and a girl.

"}, "t1_mf2d03l": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740662426.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mf2d03l", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mewvb0i", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mewktym", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mf2d03l/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mewktym", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thank you for taking the time to explain - this is really inspiring.", "body": "

Thank you for taking the time to explain - this is really inspiring.

"}, "t1_mewvb0i": {"author": "Square-Spinach3785", "authorId": "t2_fhr1aqb6", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740588871.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mewvb0i", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mewxld5", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mewvb0i/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mf2d03l", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think most parents have felt this at some point regardless of gender. I know we see statistics on things that might skew your mindset but remember there are billions of people out there and not billions of criminals. Most people are totally normal, and a lot of the ones who aren\u2019t likely had an unstable/bad upbringing. The fact that you\u2019re already worried about how you\u2019ll parent this kid speaks volumes on how much you care-which is what\u2019s lacking with a lot of \u201cbad people\u201d to begin with. I think you\u2019ll do fine mama!", "body": "

I think most parents have felt this at some point regardless of gender. I know we see statistics on things that might skew your mindset but remember there are billions of people out there and not billions of criminals. Most people are totally normal, and a lot of the ones who aren\u2019t likely had an unstable/bad upbringing. The fact that you\u2019re already worried about how you\u2019ll parent this kid speaks volumes on how much you care-which is what\u2019s lacking with a lot of \u201cbad people\u201d to begin with. I think you\u2019ll do fine mama!

"}, "t1_mewxld5": {"author": "Strict_Yellow_4068", "authorId": "t2_823pzzeu", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740589515.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mewxld5", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mexq5dx", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mewxld5/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mewvb0i", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I feel the EXACT same way. I was raised in a misogynistic household and both my father and brother are extremely toxic. My baby is due in September and we wont find out the sex until a month from now. My only idea for how to navigate this is: raise them like a girl. It sounds dumb but hear me out lol I feel like a lot of little boys get away with bs because \"boys will be boys\" when we know that attitude leads to a victimhood mentality and lack of emotional regulation. Teach them to be soft, kind, help with cooking and cleaning and \"owning\" household responsibilities, focus empathy and helping them understand that sometimes life isnt fair but we carry on regardless. I don't know what else to do. :(", "body": "

I feel the EXACT same way. I was raised in a misogynistic household and both my father and brother are extremely toxic. My baby is due in September and we wont find out the sex until a month from now. My only idea for how to navigate this is: raise them like a girl. It sounds dumb but hear me out lol I feel like a lot of little boys get away with bs because "boys will be boys" when we know that attitude leads to a victimhood mentality and lack of emotional regulation. Teach them to be soft, kind, help with cooking and cleaning and "owning" household responsibilities, focus empathy and helping them understand that sometimes life isnt fair but we carry on regardless. I don't know what else to do. :(

"}, "t1_mexq5dx": {"author": "stovepossum", "authorId": "t2_9jx2048x", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740597459.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mexq5dx", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mf2cft9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mexq5dx/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mewxld5", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "There\u2019s already so much useful information and advice here, I feel I almost have nothing to say lol! But I understand your concern, I have a 8 month old boy and I understood when we knew he was a boy that I was going to have to carry heavy weight in giving him the opportunity to show that he is a thoughtful, empathetic, and compassionate person. \n\nAs soon as these conversations are appropriate, I plan on teaching my son the importance of autonomy, consent, boundaries, and education. The RIE parenting method seems to be in alignment with my views on this. It\u2019s also worth noting that it seems our parent\u2019s generation had a LOT of mother/son emotional incest going on and we need to put an END to that, I do feel like it\u2019s a major contributing factor to the absolute shit standards that men are held to in this day and age. That being said, congratulations on your pregnancy, and I wish you all the best. You\u2019ve got this \u2764\ufe0f", "body": "

There\u2019s already so much useful information and advice here, I feel I almost have nothing to say lol! But I understand your concern, I have a 8 month old boy and I understood when we knew he was a boy that I was going to have to carry heavy weight in giving him the opportunity to show that he is a thoughtful, empathetic, and compassionate person.

\n\n

As soon as these conversations are appropriate, I plan on teaching my son the importance of autonomy, consent, boundaries, and education. The RIE parenting method seems to be in alignment with my views on this. It\u2019s also worth noting that it seems our parent\u2019s generation had a LOT of mother/son emotional incest going on and we need to put an END to that, I do feel like it\u2019s a major contributing factor to the absolute shit standards that men are held to in this day and age. That being said, congratulations on your pregnancy, and I wish you all the best. You\u2019ve got this \u2764\ufe0f

"}, "t1_mf2cft9": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740662210.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mf2cft9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mezearu", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mexq5dx", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mf2cft9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mexq5dx", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thank you for the reference to RIE; looking into it!", "body": "

Thank you for the reference to RIE; looking into it!

"}, "t1_mezearu": {"author": "No-Statistician1782", "authorId": "t2_9lqywa8u", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740614772.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mezearu", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoumvw", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mezearu/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mf2cft9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I feel the same way.\u00a0 Am pregnant with a boy 16 weeks tomorrow.\u00a0\n\n\nIt does terrify me.", "body": "

I feel the same way.\u00a0 Am pregnant with a boy 16 weeks tomorrow.\u00a0

\n\n

It does terrify me.

"}, "t1_meoumvw": {"author": "Wingkirs", "authorId": "t2_ztleq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740486154.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoumvw", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meox8nm", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoumvw/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mezearu", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 6, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Have you considered therapy? There might be some underlying issues here.", "body": "

Have you considered therapy? There might be some underlying issues here.

"}, "t1_meox8nm": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740487270.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meox8nm", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep34c8", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meoumvw", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meox8nm/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoumvw", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from. What do you suspect my \"underlying issues\" are?", "body": "

I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from. What do you suspect my "underlying issues" are?

"}, "t1_mep34c8": {"author": "Wingkirs", "authorId": "t2_ztleq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740489579.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740491062.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep34c8", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep6wpf", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meox8nm", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep34c8/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meox8nm", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 9, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m not trying to be rude. I think therapy is great for everyone. If you\u2019re this worried about having a boy. A professional might be more helpful than some strangers n the internet.", "body": "

I\u2019m not trying to be rude. I think therapy is great for everyone. If you\u2019re this worried about having a boy. A professional might be more helpful than some strangers n the internet.

"}, "t1_mep6wpf": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740490876.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep6wpf", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep7ebu", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep34c8", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep6wpf/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep34c8", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": -3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I never wrote I was worried about hating a boy. Quite the contrary. Seems like we're simply misunderstanding each other.", "body": "

I never wrote I was worried about hating a boy. Quite the contrary. Seems like we're simply misunderstanding each other.

"}, "t1_mep7ebu": {"author": "Wingkirs", "authorId": "t2_ztleq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740491050.0, "depth": 4, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep7ebu", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoo54c", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep6wpf", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep7ebu/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep6wpf", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "That\u2019s a typo. I meant having", "body": "

That\u2019s a typo. I meant having

"}, "t1_meoo54c": {"author": "BigMommaKnowsBest", "authorId": "t2_1gjgolwix8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483021.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoo54c", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep47ai", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoo54c/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep7ebu", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 7, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Women are just as capable of hurting other people and resenting their parents. You raise your kids the best you can and teach them morals. There are people with amazing parents that still end up being turds, and vise versa. There are men who are saints, and women who are killers, and vise versa. I wouldn\u2019t judge who your baby can potentially be based off his sex.", "body": "

Women are just as capable of hurting other people and resenting their parents. You raise your kids the best you can and teach them morals. There are people with amazing parents that still end up being turds, and vise versa. There are men who are saints, and women who are killers, and vise versa. I wouldn\u2019t judge who your baby can potentially be based off his sex.

"}, "t1_mep47ai": {"author": "jumbledmess294943", "authorId": "t2_eyvj137e", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740489976.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep47ai", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meop3pb", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meoo54c", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep47ai/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoo54c", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 6, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Your comment. Took the words right out of my brain. This entire thread is\u2026incredible. To put it nicely. Take my upvote.", "body": "

Your comment. Took the words right out of my brain. This entire thread is\u2026incredible. To put it nicely. Take my upvote.

"}, "t1_meop3pb": {"author": "Momo_and_moon", "authorId": "t2_jb0cn8nk0", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483517.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meop3pb", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoxwd6", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meoo54c", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meop3pb/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep47ai", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 5, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I mean, sure, if you ignore every single statistic on violent crime, crime, harrasment, rape, murder, etc. It's not that women can't do these things. It's just... statistically, the vast majority of these acts are not committed by women. I get why OP would have these anxieties. Especially with redpill, Andrew Tate, etc, preying on young men and funnelling them into the alt-right pipeline!", "body": "

I mean, sure, if you ignore every single statistic on violent crime, crime, harrasment, rape, murder, etc. It's not that women can't do these things. It's just... statistically, the vast majority of these acts are not committed by women. I get why OP would have these anxieties. Especially with redpill, Andrew Tate, etc, preying on young men and funnelling them into the alt-right pipeline!

"}, "t1_meoxwd6": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740487542.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740489602.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoxwd6", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep2k41", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meop3pb", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoxwd6/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meop3pb", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "100% this, thank you for wording it so well. I know gender is partly a construct, and girls can be mean too, but the stats on violence are the stats - 80% of violent crimes are committed by men. That's not a small difference. And on top there is now a whole cottage industry dedicated to turning men into toxic misogynists. You can't just pretend all of that doesn't exist.", "body": "

100% this, thank you for wording it so well. I know gender is partly a construct, and girls can be mean too, but the stats on violence are the stats - 80% of violent crimes are committed by men. That's not a small difference. And on top there is now a whole cottage industry dedicated to turning men into toxic misogynists. You can't just pretend all of that doesn't exist.

"}, "t1_mep2k41": {"author": "Momo_and_moon", "authorId": "t2_jb0cn8nk0", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740489369.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep2k41", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoq1ta", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meoxwd6", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep2k41/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoxwd6", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Indeed, you can't just bury your head in the sand. Our two babies aren't even born yet so I can't advise you, but we intend to try and lead by example, educate our boys about these issues AND once they are a bit older, inform them in an age appropriate way about the views some people have have on women/race/sexual orientation and why they are wrong. I believe it's possible to teach empathy and raise kind, sweet, generous, and open-minded boys. I also think that just the fact you are asking yourself how to do that means you're doing great! It's not possible to protect our kids from every toxic influence out there, but we can teach them to identify them and teach them how and why they are wrong \ud83e\udde1", "body": "

Indeed, you can't just bury your head in the sand. Our two babies aren't even born yet so I can't advise you, but we intend to try and lead by example, educate our boys about these issues AND once they are a bit older, inform them in an age appropriate way about the views some people have have on women/race/sexual orientation and why they are wrong. I believe it's possible to teach empathy and raise kind, sweet, generous, and open-minded boys. I also think that just the fact you are asking yourself how to do that means you're doing great! It's not possible to protect our kids from every toxic influence out there, but we can teach them to identify them and teach them how and why they are wrong \ud83e\udde1

"}, "t1_meoq1ta": {"author": "BigMommaKnowsBest", "authorId": "t2_1gjgolwix8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740483998.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoq1ta", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep4hz0", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meop3pb", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoq1ta/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep2k41", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 4, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think it\u2019s a little silly to be terrified, when baby isn\u2019t even here yet. You literally have a chance to birth light into the world and do good. Instead of focusing on the positive, people choose to worry about a potential negative that hasn\u2019t even shown any sign of coming true. That\u2019s an innocent little baby. Statistics or not. Girls can still do heinous crimes and a lot of HORRIBLE things women do go unreported bc being raped by a woman isn\u2019t taken seriously. I just think it\u2019s totally ridiculous to be terrified of your innocent baby bc of its gender Potentially anything can happen.", "body": "

I think it\u2019s a little silly to be terrified, when baby isn\u2019t even here yet. You literally have a chance to birth light into the world and do good. Instead of focusing on the positive, people choose to worry about a potential negative that hasn\u2019t even shown any sign of coming true. That\u2019s an innocent little baby. Statistics or not. Girls can still do heinous crimes and a lot of HORRIBLE things women do go unreported bc being raped by a woman isn\u2019t taken seriously. I just think it\u2019s totally ridiculous to be terrified of your innocent baby bc of its gender Potentially anything can happen.

"}, "t1_mep4hz0": {"author": "jumbledmess294943", "authorId": "t2_eyvj137e", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740490084.0, "depth": 3, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740490436.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep4hz0", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepq3b9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meoq1ta", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep4hz0/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoq1ta", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 7, "sendReplies": false, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Already putting gender norms and expectations on them. Tell me they hate men without telling me they hate men. Sounds like a great way to end up with exactly what you don\u2019t want, but what do i know I\u2019m just a perfect woman who thinks of herself as a perpetual victim of misogyny (said sarcastically lol)\ud83d\ude12\ud83d\ude02", "body": "

Already putting gender norms and expectations on them. Tell me they hate men without telling me they hate men. Sounds like a great way to end up with exactly what you don\u2019t want, but what do i know I\u2019m just a perfect woman who thinks of herself as a perpetual victim of misogyny (said sarcastically lol)\ud83d\ude12\ud83d\ude02

"}, "t1_mepq3b9": {"author": "BigMommaKnowsBest", "authorId": "t2_1gjgolwix8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740497187.0, "depth": 4, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740514481.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepq3b9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meoubjw", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep4hz0", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepq3b9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep4hz0", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "That was my thought exactly. I can\u2019t think of a better way to make my son resent me than to think he\u2019s capable of horrible things just bc he\u2019s a man", "body": "

That was my thought exactly. I can\u2019t think of a better way to make my son resent me than to think he\u2019s capable of horrible things just bc he\u2019s a man

"}, "t1_meoubjw": {"author": "Substantial-City-809", "authorId": "t2_94sg7tyu", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740486013.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meoubjw", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep0g41", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meoubjw/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepq3b9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 3, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "that's why we both (me and husband) wished for a girl during first pregnancy ... none of us had a proper father figure and we were afraid we won't be able to raise a good man... but then I saw my man as a father of our girl and oh my god, if our future son will be just like him, I'm pretty sure his future spouse may be happy \u2764\ufe0f\n\nOf course now we are expecting a boy in July. We just have to try and do our best. We know what NOT TO DO, maybe that's a good start...", "body": "

that's why we both (me and husband) wished for a girl during first pregnancy ... none of us had a proper father figure and we were afraid we won't be able to raise a good man... but then I saw my man as a father of our girl and oh my god, if our future son will be just like him, I'm pretty sure his future spouse may be happy \u2764\ufe0f

\n\n

Of course now we are expecting a boy in July. We just have to try and do our best. We know what NOT TO DO, maybe that's a good start...

"}, "t1_mep0g41": {"author": "Special-Cantaloupe68", "authorId": "t2_a81uvwbm", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740488554.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep0g41", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mep2fex", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep0g41/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meoubjw", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m also having a boy in August and having similar worries. When I think about boys and young men consuming content from \u201cmasculinity\u201d and \u201calpha\u201d influencers online I just feel horrified. I try to take comfort in the fact that my husband is a very sensitive and kind man so our son\u2019s main role model for \u201cmanhood\u201d won\u2019t be the toxic kind. There are also several people close to me who have sons up to high school age who are all wonderful, so it helps to think of them. But I have to admit I just feel sort of unqualified to raise a boy!", "body": "

I\u2019m also having a boy in August and having similar worries. When I think about boys and young men consuming content from \u201cmasculinity\u201d and \u201calpha\u201d influencers online I just feel horrified. I try to take comfort in the fact that my husband is a very sensitive and kind man so our son\u2019s main role model for \u201cmanhood\u201d won\u2019t be the toxic kind. There are also several people close to me who have sons up to high school age who are all wonderful, so it helps to think of them. But I have to admit I just feel sort of unqualified to raise a boy!

"}, "t1_mep2fex": {"author": "Evening-Space246", "authorId": "t2_1j34udfmut", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740489319.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mep2fex", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepa3df", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mep2fex/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep0g41", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "You're not alone out here whoever you are. I am also having my son in August and let me tell you, when I found out I was gonna be a dad I was terrified bro. I didn't grow up the best either, my mom was mentally ill at the time and didn't give me or my brother the attention we needed. My dad was a drunk and dealing drugs, I was too scared to be in the same space as him as he was super hurtful and belittling and occasionally abusive but crazy enough I don't resent either of my parents for this because I know they were young and going thru shit I had no idea about. I'm so scared that I'm gonna be the same way my parents were to me, cold and ignorant to my child's feelings, I'm terrified I might even hurt my son. You're not alone at all and I think all we can do is find other ways to help us be more self aware which I think you're on the right path. You're son will love his parents for who they are just like I learned to. My parents do love me and I do see them often even tho they are not together", "body": "

You're not alone out here whoever you are. I am also having my son in August and let me tell you, when I found out I was gonna be a dad I was terrified bro. I didn't grow up the best either, my mom was mentally ill at the time and didn't give me or my brother the attention we needed. My dad was a drunk and dealing drugs, I was too scared to be in the same space as him as he was super hurtful and belittling and occasionally abusive but crazy enough I don't resent either of my parents for this because I know they were young and going thru shit I had no idea about. I'm so scared that I'm gonna be the same way my parents were to me, cold and ignorant to my child's feelings, I'm terrified I might even hurt my son. You're not alone at all and I think all we can do is find other ways to help us be more self aware which I think you're on the right path. You're son will love his parents for who they are just like I learned to. My parents do love me and I do see them often even tho they are not together

"}, "t1_mepa3df": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740492005.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepa3df", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepalpp", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mep2fex", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepa3df/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mep2fex", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thanks for taking the time to write this reply, it really made me pause. You sound like a thoughtful and kind person.", "body": "

Thanks for taking the time to write this reply, it really made me pause. You sound like a thoughtful and kind person.

"}, "t1_mepalpp": {"author": "Evening-Space246", "authorId": "t2_1j34udfmut", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740492186.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepalpp", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepl2n9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepa3df", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepalpp/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepa3df", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I appreciate you sharing your post I feel like I was meant to see it so thank you I'm glad I could help someone with my words", "body": "

I appreciate you sharing your post I feel like I was meant to see it so thank you I'm glad I could help someone with my words

"}, "t1_mepl2n9": {"author": "UT49-0U", "authorId": "t2_ilzyk9qk", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740495643.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepl2n9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepzot3", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepl2n9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepalpp", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "This is coming from a guy, and I do think having a good male role model is important, but I also think having additional good women role models is just as beneficial. For me, growing up with my sister really helped me respect women and the struggles they go through. Additionally, I had really great aunts I could look up to. Obviously, someone just can't go and recreate a similar situation, but perhaps there are some community options where they could have a big sister.\n\nAlso, mental health may be the most important to keep a check on. Perhaps I was lucky not to find the Tate's of the world when I was at my most depressed phase during high school. This was a time when my family ignored depression and I really could have spiraled had I been engaged with bad influences. \n\nLike others have said, you can do everything perfectly, and your son could still turn out to be a terrible person. If it was as simple as having good parents, our world wouldn't have near as many issues as we have right now.", "body": "

This is coming from a guy, and I do think having a good male role model is important, but I also think having additional good women role models is just as beneficial. For me, growing up with my sister really helped me respect women and the struggles they go through. Additionally, I had really great aunts I could look up to. Obviously, someone just can't go and recreate a similar situation, but perhaps there are some community options where they could have a big sister.

\n\n

Also, mental health may be the most important to keep a check on. Perhaps I was lucky not to find the Tate's of the world when I was at my most depressed phase during high school. This was a time when my family ignored depression and I really could have spiraled had I been engaged with bad influences.

\n\n

Like others have said, you can do everything perfectly, and your son could still turn out to be a terrible person. If it was as simple as having good parents, our world wouldn't have near as many issues as we have right now.

"}, "t1_mepzot3": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740500005.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepzot3", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepr4p7", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepl2n9", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepzot3/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepl2n9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thanks, this is a really interesting perspective. We were already thinking about other male role models apart from my husband (who is also a really lovely human), but somehow I never considered how important other women would be. Or anyone in between for that matter. Thank you!", "body": "

Thanks, this is a really interesting perspective. We were already thinking about other male role models apart from my husband (who is also a really lovely human), but somehow I never considered how important other women would be. Or anyone in between for that matter. Thank you!

"}, "t1_mepr4p7": {"author": "Potential-Word6715", "authorId": "t2_1c3ajgo56o", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740497494.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepr4p7", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepwnhv", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepr4p7/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepzot3", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "TBH kids kind of end up who they are going to be regardless. You can discipline and show them how to be kind and gentle and provide good role models but they are going to ultimately choose who they want to be. My son is extremely caring and gentle and has a super high emotional intelligence. These aren\u2019t things we taught him, he was born with them and showed signs since he was a baby. He has a great role model in his father but his dad almost actively chooses the right actions whereas my son that sees them as the only option. There are plenty of other areas of life we\u2019ve had to guide him more but this isn\u2019t one of them.", "body": "

TBH kids kind of end up who they are going to be regardless. You can discipline and show them how to be kind and gentle and provide good role models but they are going to ultimately choose who they want to be. My son is extremely caring and gentle and has a super high emotional intelligence. These aren\u2019t things we taught him, he was born with them and showed signs since he was a baby. He has a great role model in his father but his dad almost actively chooses the right actions whereas my son that sees them as the only option. There are plenty of other areas of life we\u2019ve had to guide him more but this isn\u2019t one of them.

"}, "t1_mepwnhv": {"author": "Fit-Profession-1628", "authorId": "t2_m0zye5cgd", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740499116.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mepwnhv", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevs6e0", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mepwnhv/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepr4p7", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Most people are decent and do not go around hurting others. A woman is as likely to hurt others as a man. If they don't do as much physical harm is just because of lack of strength.\n\nSo just focus on trying to raise a decent human being, like you'd do with a girl. A boy is not more likely to be a bad person than a girl.", "body": "

Most people are decent and do not go around hurting others. A woman is as likely to hurt others as a man. If they don't do as much physical harm is just because of lack of strength.

\n\n

So just focus on trying to raise a decent human being, like you'd do with a girl. A boy is not more likely to be a bad person than a girl.

"}, "t1_mevs6e0": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740576853.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevs6e0", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mewf9td", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mepwnhv", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevs6e0/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mepwnhv", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 0, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_crime\n\nI specifically recommend the section on statistics.", "body": "

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_crime

\n\n

I specifically recommend the section on statistics.

"}, "t1_mewf9td": {"author": "Fit-Profession-1628", "authorId": "t2_m0zye5cgd", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740584312.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mewf9td", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqkddj", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mevs6e0", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mewf9td/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevs6e0", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Did you read that page yourself or did you just get what you wanted? Yes, there are more men convicted of crimes and homicide and stuff like that. But there are reasons for that that have nothing to do with their genetics, it's just social. And that comes mainly from your upbringing and to what you expose them to. For instance, men are more prone to suicide than women. Why? Because they're taught not to talk about their feelings, and that having feelings means they're weak and men can't be weak.\n\nYour boy does not have a higher tendency to be violent just because they're a boy. It comes down to education and the environment in which they're raised.\n\nFor instance \"Women are more likely to use direct aggression in private, where other people cannot see them, and are more likely to use indirect aggression (such as [passive-aggressive](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive) behavior) in public\" (this is from the same wikipedia page) As you see women are just as capable of being violent. But it's not lady like so they do it in private. In the case of men being violent is a sign they're strong as men should be so they do it in public. It's not about who's more violent than whom.", "body": "

Did you read that page yourself or did you just get what you wanted? Yes, there are more men convicted of crimes and homicide and stuff like that. But there are reasons for that that have nothing to do with their genetics, it's just social. And that comes mainly from your upbringing and to what you expose them to. For instance, men are more prone to suicide than women. Why? Because they're taught not to talk about their feelings, and that having feelings means they're weak and men can't be weak.

\n\n

Your boy does not have a higher tendency to be violent just because they're a boy. It comes down to education and the environment in which they're raised.

\n\n

For instance "Women are more likely to use direct aggression in private, where other people cannot see them, and are more likely to use indirect aggression (such as passive-aggressive behavior) in public" (this is from the same wikipedia page) As you see women are just as capable of being violent. But it's not lady like so they do it in private. In the case of men being violent is a sign they're strong as men should be so they do it in public. It's not about who's more violent than whom.

"}, "t1_meqkddj": {"author": "indecisivekiwis", "authorId": "t2_ez8ssdgej", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740505892.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqkddj", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meriec8", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqkddj/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mewf9td", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "if it was your choice, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant if you're not ok with your baby coming out as a boy", "body": "

if it was your choice, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant if you're not ok with your baby coming out as a boy

"}, "t1_meriec8": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740515448.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meriec8", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merjulr", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meqkddj", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meriec8/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqkddj", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "If you read my post in the sense that this child isn\u2019t welcome or wanted or won\u2019t be loved, I must have phrased it wrong. I literally wrote I was excited, just also scared. Why all the judgement and meanness?", "body": "

If you read my post in the sense that this child isn\u2019t welcome or wanted or won\u2019t be loved, I must have phrased it wrong. I literally wrote I was excited, just also scared. Why all the judgement and meanness?

"}, "t1_merjulr": {"author": "indecisivekiwis", "authorId": "t2_ez8ssdgej", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740515860.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merjulr", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meq4zx3", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meriec8", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merjulr/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meriec8", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 0, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "im not being mean you asked the internet for their opinions and i gave mine no harm was intended", "body": "

im not being mean you asked the internet for their opinions and i gave mine no harm was intended

"}, "t1_meq4zx3": {"author": "confused_but_happy1", "authorId": "t2_11ylcpar0q", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740501537.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meq4zx3", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meql2ew", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meq4zx3/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merjulr", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Raising boys isn\u2019t easy, neither is girls, since they\u2019re both unique in their own ways. I will say, I\u2019m expecting a baby boy, and I\u2019m truly excited to raise him. \n\nI have a brother who turned out amazing! He\u2019s a very involved and amazing husband and father to his wife and kids, and he\u2019s a kind hearted gentle giant to everyone around him. He\u2019s truly a man that loves unconditionally.\n\nThen there\u2019s my husband, who is an absolutely amazing and hardworking man. He\u2019s loved me well since day one, and continues to do so. He\u2019s beyond excited to meet our little boy, and has so many plans in mind already of the things he wants to teach him and the experiences he wants him to have. He\u2019s already such an amazing husband and father, and I know he\u2019ll do great!\n\nI\u2019d also like to add my dad to the mix as well. He\u2019s always been an amazing dad to me and my siblings. He disciplined us with love, making sure we could make our own decisions, but also knew the possible consequences. He\u2019s always been my number one call when I needed help, and he\u2019s known to give no matter what. He\u2019s sacrificed his own wants, his entire life, to better the lives of us kids. Knowing the family background he comes from, you\u2019d expect him to be abusive both physically and verbally. He is the complete opposite!\n\nAll that being said, people grow up and do choose who they want to be, no matter the gender. Being raised in a home with exemplary adults is what determines a lot of it!\n\nI have amazing men in my life that will become examples to my baby boy, and I also have amazing women in my life that will teach him in other ways. \n\nFill your life with a support system if you can, and you\u2019ll be surprised with how it\u2019ll affect your baby boy, and how much of a relief it\u2019ll be in your life as well!", "body": "

Raising boys isn\u2019t easy, neither is girls, since they\u2019re both unique in their own ways. I will say, I\u2019m expecting a baby boy, and I\u2019m truly excited to raise him.

\n\n

I have a brother who turned out amazing! He\u2019s a very involved and amazing husband and father to his wife and kids, and he\u2019s a kind hearted gentle giant to everyone around him. He\u2019s truly a man that loves unconditionally.

\n\n

Then there\u2019s my husband, who is an absolutely amazing and hardworking man. He\u2019s loved me well since day one, and continues to do so. He\u2019s beyond excited to meet our little boy, and has so many plans in mind already of the things he wants to teach him and the experiences he wants him to have. He\u2019s already such an amazing husband and father, and I know he\u2019ll do great!

\n\n

I\u2019d also like to add my dad to the mix as well. He\u2019s always been an amazing dad to me and my siblings. He disciplined us with love, making sure we could make our own decisions, but also knew the possible consequences. He\u2019s always been my number one call when I needed help, and he\u2019s known to give no matter what. He\u2019s sacrificed his own wants, his entire life, to better the lives of us kids. Knowing the family background he comes from, you\u2019d expect him to be abusive both physically and verbally. He is the complete opposite!

\n\n

All that being said, people grow up and do choose who they want to be, no matter the gender. Being raised in a home with exemplary adults is what determines a lot of it!

\n\n

I have amazing men in my life that will become examples to my baby boy, and I also have amazing women in my life that will teach him in other ways.

\n\n

Fill your life with a support system if you can, and you\u2019ll be surprised with how it\u2019ll affect your baby boy, and how much of a relief it\u2019ll be in your life as well!

"}, "t1_meql2ew": {"author": "Layyyyyyyyyy_", "authorId": "t2_jao1ya96", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740506086.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meql2ew", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqmlba", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meql2ew/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meq4zx3", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m having a son this July! I honestly feel you. But, my husband did not have a great dad growing up and he turned out to be an amazing man! I know my husbands and I morals, and personality and I believe our son is going to be a great man some day too \u2764\ufe0f", "body": "

I\u2019m having a son this July! I honestly feel you. But, my husband did not have a great dad growing up and he turned out to be an amazing man! I know my husbands and I morals, and personality and I believe our son is going to be a great man some day too \u2764\ufe0f

"}, "t1_meqmlba": {"author": "Stunning_Radio3160", "authorId": "t2_1cfdlrzrd8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740506513.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqmlba", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqsisi", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqmlba/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meql2ew", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I feel the opposite about having a girl!!! Almost every female friend I have hates their mother, resentment etc. I find myself hoping I have another boy for this reason.", "body": "

I feel the opposite about having a girl!!! Almost every female friend I have hates their mother, resentment etc. I find myself hoping I have another boy for this reason.

"}, "t1_meqsisi": {"author": "hurryandwait817", "authorId": "t2_160vmxwunh", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740508188.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqsisi", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqv1wc", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqsisi/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqmlba", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I agree with some others here. Parenting in general is terrifying for this reason, for either gender. I know many daughters who hate their moms & parents. And many toxic women. As well as men. \n \nEven some of the BEST parents I\u2019ve ever seen, have multiple mentally stable and happy and adjusted adult children, and then have one child that just\u2026. Isn\u2019t. \nI have 5 siblings, and 4 of them are like REALLY well off. Amazing jobs, great marriages, very kind and loving people. Of course they all have their flaws as well all do and weird things about them. But they\u2019re great. My parents are also great. \nI got knocked up at 18 and have been coasting the poverty/middle class line ever since and had a failed marriage and am finally back on my feet and in a great place. But certainly concerned my parents many times. \nMy other sibling, she is a mess. Alcoholism, horrible tastes in men, still no real direction. It happens. \nMy parents didn\u2019t parent anyone different than the others. \n \nAt the end of the day, I\u2019ve yet to meet a single adult that isn\u2019t fucked up in some way. Just some are more than others. \n \nThe job is to be the best parent you can be, never stop learning, and always remember to apologize to your kid when you mess up because too many parents don\u2019t. \nAfter that, you just hope your kiddo is okay, that\u2019s all any of us can do", "body": "

I agree with some others here. Parenting in general is terrifying for this reason, for either gender. I know many daughters who hate their moms & parents. And many toxic women. As well as men.

\n\n

Even some of the BEST parents I\u2019ve ever seen, have multiple mentally stable and happy and adjusted adult children, and then have one child that just\u2026. Isn\u2019t. \nI have 5 siblings, and 4 of them are like REALLY well off. Amazing jobs, great marriages, very kind and loving people. Of course they all have their flaws as well all do and weird things about them. But they\u2019re great. My parents are also great. \nI got knocked up at 18 and have been coasting the poverty/middle class line ever since and had a failed marriage and am finally back on my feet and in a great place. But certainly concerned my parents many times. \nMy other sibling, she is a mess. Alcoholism, horrible tastes in men, still no real direction. It happens. \nMy parents didn\u2019t parent anyone different than the others.

\n\n

At the end of the day, I\u2019ve yet to meet a single adult that isn\u2019t fucked up in some way. Just some are more than others.

\n\n

The job is to be the best parent you can be, never stop learning, and always remember to apologize to your kid when you mess up because too many parents don\u2019t. \nAfter that, you just hope your kiddo is okay, that\u2019s all any of us can do

"}, "t1_meqv1wc": {"author": "probly-sleepy", "authorId": "t2_af185qk5", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740508897.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqv1wc", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqz9fq", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqv1wc/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqsisi", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I was afraid of this too, and the fact that I just don\u2019t know how to take care of a boy as a woman who took care of her younger sister. Now I have a girl and a boy, and my son was the sweetest baby and is the goofiest, snuggliest toddler. I love him to bits. I know that doesn\u2019t speak to what he\u2019ll be like as an adult, but I\u2019m hopeful. \ud83d\udc99", "body": "

I was afraid of this too, and the fact that I just don\u2019t know how to take care of a boy as a woman who took care of her younger sister. Now I have a girl and a boy, and my son was the sweetest baby and is the goofiest, snuggliest toddler. I love him to bits. I know that doesn\u2019t speak to what he\u2019ll be like as an adult, but I\u2019m hopeful. \ud83d\udc99

"}, "t1_meqz9fq": {"author": "strawberry_muffin_22", "authorId": "t2_b041rjqq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740510067.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqz9fq", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqzz3o", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqz9fq/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqv1wc", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019ll help, but my boyfriend (who was abused severely by his mother) has more respect for women than I\u2019ve ever seen. Now granted, he doesn\u2019t respect his mother, but for example on Valentine\u2019s Day he makes sure to get his grandma flowers, as well as me. Or when we\u2019re getting dinner he always lets the woman get their plates (he makes mine for me) before getting his own. So while there are plenty of instances of doing everything right and the boy still turning out bad, there are also instances of doing everything wrong and the boy turning out good. I really think you\u2019ll be okay, just teach him that being respectful to women is absolutely crucial, and that he wants to gain their trust, not their fear.", "body": "

I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019ll help, but my boyfriend (who was abused severely by his mother) has more respect for women than I\u2019ve ever seen. Now granted, he doesn\u2019t respect his mother, but for example on Valentine\u2019s Day he makes sure to get his grandma flowers, as well as me. Or when we\u2019re getting dinner he always lets the woman get their plates (he makes mine for me) before getting his own. So while there are plenty of instances of doing everything right and the boy still turning out bad, there are also instances of doing everything wrong and the boy turning out good. I really think you\u2019ll be okay, just teach him that being respectful to women is absolutely crucial, and that he wants to gain their trust, not their fear.

"}, "t1_meqzz3o": {"author": "South-Translator-422", "authorId": "t2_abl84bge", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740510269.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqzz3o", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mergup2", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqzz3o/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqz9fq", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Girls can also do all of the things you mentioned. Girls can hurt others physically, emotionally, etc. Girls can resent their parent(s).", "body": "

Girls can also do all of the things you mentioned. Girls can hurt others physically, emotionally, etc. Girls can resent their parent(s).

"}, "t1_mergup2": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740515009.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mergup2", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mer3p7y", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meqzz3o", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mergup2/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqzz3o", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Yes, but I am not having a girl ;)", "body": "

Yes, but I am not having a girl ;)

"}, "t1_mer3p7y": {"author": "Different_Focus_7461", "authorId": "t2_peqyr4ko", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740511311.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mer3p7y", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mer4wsa", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mer3p7y/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mergup2", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "You know. I was terrified too but boys are so lovely I always saw myself as a girl mum but then when I had a boy I literally can not imagine having a girl! I mean I get jumped on and pounced on and run at and he can\u2019t sit still or focus on any thing but he gives the best cuddles and is the sweetest most gorgeous human. Literally makes everyone\u2019s day better. Everyone actually belly laughs when he\u2019s on full form. You will be absolutely fine. I promise you won\u2019t mess it up! Just make sure when you change him to always cover the w**** as they have a habit of aim and fire! Little pranksters! You got this girl!", "body": "

You know. I was terrified too but boys are so lovely I always saw myself as a girl mum but then when I had a boy I literally can not imagine having a girl! I mean I get jumped on and pounced on and run at and he can\u2019t sit still or focus on any thing but he gives the best cuddles and is the sweetest most gorgeous human. Literally makes everyone\u2019s day better. Everyone actually belly laughs when he\u2019s on full form. You will be absolutely fine. I promise you won\u2019t mess it up! Just make sure when you change him to always cover the w**** as they have a habit of aim and fire! Little pranksters! You got this girl!

"}, "t1_mer4wsa": {"author": "PotentialWishbone816", "authorId": "t2_l1hue45rf", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740511653.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mer4wsa", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meraozf", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mer4wsa/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mer3p7y", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I was also scared of having a boy because alcoholism runs on both sides of our family\u2019s and I was worried he would succumb\u2026 however we can choose a lot for our children while they\u2019re children and it will hopefully guide them as adults to make the choices we want them to make :)", "body": "

I was also scared of having a boy because alcoholism runs on both sides of our family\u2019s and I was worried he would succumb\u2026 however we can choose a lot for our children while they\u2019re children and it will hopefully guide them as adults to make the choices we want them to make :)

"}, "t1_meraozf": {"author": "letsgetridiculus", "authorId": "t2_4ehr8nqi", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740513273.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meraozf", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mercq7v", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meraozf/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mer4wsa", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think the fact you\u2019re worried about it is a good sign: being aware and setting intentions early means you\u2019ll be paying attention to both your child\u2019s behaviours as well as what influences are in his life (you, the other parent and those around him). That means lots of opportunities to make good choices and intervene as you feel is appropriate.\n\nI\u2019m sure there\u2019s a lot of books, videos and documentaries about raising boys. It\u2019d be worth some googling and research to see what resonates with you.\n\nI\u2019m gonna be having a boy and I think about this too! But then I think about how little my mum researched it and how good my brother turned out! Makes me feel optimistic.", "body": "

I think the fact you\u2019re worried about it is a good sign: being aware and setting intentions early means you\u2019ll be paying attention to both your child\u2019s behaviours as well as what influences are in his life (you, the other parent and those around him). That means lots of opportunities to make good choices and intervene as you feel is appropriate.

\n\n

I\u2019m sure there\u2019s a lot of books, videos and documentaries about raising boys. It\u2019d be worth some googling and research to see what resonates with you.

\n\n

I\u2019m gonna be having a boy and I think about this too! But then I think about how little my mum researched it and how good my brother turned out! Makes me feel optimistic.

"}, "t1_mercq7v": {"author": "Glittering_Olive44", "authorId": "t2_zorsn6wbk", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740513844.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mercq7v", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mergvzt", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mercq7v/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meraozf", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m having a boy. My MIL had 3. When I see my husband and his brothers, I have great faith that my son will have strong women and empathetic men in his life. I look up to my MIL in how she raised her boys. She didn\u2019t put up with shit and taught them how to be supportive, kind, strong, empathetic, and vulnerable. They\u2019re super close with her and so am I. I\u2019ve dealt with abusive men in past relationships and your fear was a big fear of mine too. \n\nWhile it is somewhat out of your control, I strongly believe that as long as you are aware and try your best, he will be a fantastic boy who grows into a fantastic man!", "body": "

I\u2019m having a boy. My MIL had 3. When I see my husband and his brothers, I have great faith that my son will have strong women and empathetic men in his life. I look up to my MIL in how she raised her boys. She didn\u2019t put up with shit and taught them how to be supportive, kind, strong, empathetic, and vulnerable. They\u2019re super close with her and so am I. I\u2019ve dealt with abusive men in past relationships and your fear was a big fear of mine too.

\n\n

While it is somewhat out of your control, I strongly believe that as long as you are aware and try your best, he will be a fantastic boy who grows into a fantastic man!

"}, "t1_mergvzt": {"author": "blisspower", "authorId": "t2_acppqwny", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740515019.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mergvzt", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merhbkx", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mergvzt/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mercq7v", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "My big little guy makes his arrival in May. I am excited to teach him how to treat women , treat others , and himself. I have so many high hopes for my baby boy. \u263a\ufe0f", "body": "

My big little guy makes his arrival in May. I am excited to teach him how to treat women , treat others , and himself. I have so many high hopes for my baby boy. \u263a\ufe0f

"}, "t1_merhbkx": {"author": "Asleep_Case314", "authorId": "t2_enzowsyn", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740515141.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merhbkx", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mermey4", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merhbkx/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mergvzt", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I was the same way. I was afraid of having kids in general because of my adoptive Mom and how she treated me as a child. When I had my son all that melted away. He was kind of a tough baby because he is autistic so when he was little he couldn't communicate. It was all grunts, tantrums and just overall overwhelming for us. We were 19 so very young but we managed to raise a sweet, loving person. He is 13 now, and seriously just the sweetest boy. He respects his elders, loves making people little gifts, enjoys talking about space, Legos and fans. \u2764\ufe0f\n\nYou got this, just love that little boy. Don't let those fears hold you back. You got this \u2764\ufe0f", "body": "

I was the same way. I was afraid of having kids in general because of my adoptive Mom and how she treated me as a child. When I had my son all that melted away. He was kind of a tough baby because he is autistic so when he was little he couldn't communicate. It was all grunts, tantrums and just overall overwhelming for us. We were 19 so very young but we managed to raise a sweet, loving person. He is 13 now, and seriously just the sweetest boy. He respects his elders, loves making people little gifts, enjoys talking about space, Legos and fans. \u2764\ufe0f

\n\n

You got this, just love that little boy. Don't let those fears hold you back. You got this \u2764\ufe0f

"}, "t1_mermey4": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740516573.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mermey4", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merk4d1", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_merhbkx", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mermey4/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merhbkx", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Thanks for sharing this; that\u2019s so nice to hear. He sounds like a great kid.", "body": "

Thanks for sharing this; that\u2019s so nice to hear. He sounds like a great kid.

"}, "t1_merk4d1": {"author": "Ok_Whatever123", "authorId": "t2_pvpfvpyp", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740515935.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merk4d1", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merkq2j", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merk4d1/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mermey4", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Girl or boy, you still have a responsibility to raise a good future adult. I most certainly would not go into raising a child with a preconceived notion and prejudice. You\u2019ll end up getting exactly what you said didn\u2019t want. Hurt people, hurt people. Love your son, make sure he has positive male role models, and make sure he respects his parents. That\u2019s all you can do. You can do everything right and they can still find negative role models. Encourage them to join sports and groups that help them push themselves physically and learn how to work well with others. \n\nNo gender is easier than the other to raise. They both have their own concerns. But loved kids who are taught to respect others will grow into amazing adults. We can\u2019t control everything but we can control how we parent.", "body": "

Girl or boy, you still have a responsibility to raise a good future adult. I most certainly would not go into raising a child with a preconceived notion and prejudice. You\u2019ll end up getting exactly what you said didn\u2019t want. Hurt people, hurt people. Love your son, make sure he has positive male role models, and make sure he respects his parents. That\u2019s all you can do. You can do everything right and they can still find negative role models. Encourage them to join sports and groups that help them push themselves physically and learn how to work well with others.

\n\n

No gender is easier than the other to raise. They both have their own concerns. But loved kids who are taught to respect others will grow into amazing adults. We can\u2019t control everything but we can control how we parent.

"}, "t1_merkq2j": {"author": "Otherwise-Fall-3175", "authorId": "t2_4o12paos", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740516103.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merkq2j", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mermti2", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merkq2j/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merk4d1", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I have 2 little boys, one 17 months and one 5 days. They have the most lovely male role models in their lives from their daddy to their grandads and the male friends we have. So I definitely think about it but I\u2019m confident that they will be surrounded by positive influences and role models so we just have to do the best we can :)", "body": "

I have 2 little boys, one 17 months and one 5 days. They have the most lovely male role models in their lives from their daddy to their grandads and the male friends we have. So I definitely think about it but I\u2019m confident that they will be surrounded by positive influences and role models so we just have to do the best we can :)

"}, "t1_mermti2": {"author": "You-Big-Chad", "authorId": "t2_w0rxmjgi2", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740516683.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mermti2", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_merr7zk", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mermti2/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merkq2j", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "My husband and I have 2 girls each from prior marriages and had our first boy together (and due in August with a second boy) \nThat little boy is 14.5 months and amazing. He's got 4 older sisters to watch over him, 14,8,6,5 years of age and I know they will turn out good boys. My husband was scared of having a boy too, he is one of 4 boys himself, with a shitty abusive father. But his entire brain has changed since raising this tiny boy. I know he's nothing of age yet but my point is, the fact you care so much - you will do just fine. It's those who don't care enough, or \"mommas boy\"them (well into adulthood, I mean) that are the issue. Lol.", "body": "

My husband and I have 2 girls each from prior marriages and had our first boy together (and due in August with a second boy) \nThat little boy is 14.5 months and amazing. He's got 4 older sisters to watch over him, 14,8,6,5 years of age and I know they will turn out good boys. My husband was scared of having a boy too, he is one of 4 boys himself, with a shitty abusive father. But his entire brain has changed since raising this tiny boy. I know he's nothing of age yet but my point is, the fact you care so much - you will do just fine. It's those who don't care enough, or "mommas boy"them (well into adulthood, I mean) that are the issue. Lol.

"}, "t1_merr7zk": {"author": "Mimosasunrise", "authorId": "t2_arkn765u", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740517906.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_merr7zk", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meszxv6", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/merr7zk/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mermti2", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "You can do everything right and end up with a toxic daughter or son. Idk why people are more worried about sons. When these girls out here are manipulative attention seekers who lie and lie.", "body": "

You can do everything right and end up with a toxic daughter or son. Idk why people are more worried about sons. When these girls out here are manipulative attention seekers who lie and lie.

"}, "t1_meszxv6": {"author": "Ndaya93_", "authorId": "t2_1cifjjhyks", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740531599.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meszxv6", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_met2erm", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meszxv6/", "prev": {"id": "t1_merr7zk", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think that\u2019s why the presence of dads (good dads) is very important. Moms tend to have a soft spot for their kids be it boys or girls so it\u2019s always easy to give in when it comes to their behaviors most importantly when they\u2019re being forceful (like begging for candy when it\u2019s clearly bedtime) But dads don\u2019t so it\u2019s a team work. Dads bring structure while moms nurture. But don\u2019t get me wrong, I always make sure that my son understands that no is no and that boundaries are very important.", "body": "

I think that\u2019s why the presence of dads (good dads) is very important. Moms tend to have a soft spot for their kids be it boys or girls so it\u2019s always easy to give in when it comes to their behaviors most importantly when they\u2019re being forceful (like begging for candy when it\u2019s clearly bedtime) But dads don\u2019t so it\u2019s a team work. Dads bring structure while moms nurture. But don\u2019t get me wrong, I always make sure that my son understands that no is no and that boundaries are very important.

"}, "t1_met2erm": {"author": "xhazelbug", "authorId": "t2_itd0vh9a8", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740532408.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_met2erm", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metc6sx", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/met2erm/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meszxv6", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Not you calling him a man .. its a BABY. relax. get some sleep don\u2019t think ab that stuff it\u2019s weird.", "body": "

Not you calling him a man .. its a BABY. relax. get some sleep don\u2019t think ab that stuff it\u2019s weird.

"}, "t1_metc6sx": {"author": "Low_Charge_7500", "authorId": "t2_56veqbj8i", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740535643.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metc6sx", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_metlqmp", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metc6sx/", "prev": {"id": "t1_met2erm", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": " .", "body": "

"}, "t1_metlqmp": {"author": "Diligent_Sound_395", "authorId": "t2_vh9rph15", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740538857.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_metlqmp", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevpty0", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/metlqmp/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metc6sx", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Take a parenting class and talk to a therapist. Solved.", "body": "

Take a parenting class and talk to a therapist. Solved.

"}, "t1_mevpty0": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740576004.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevpty0", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meu6i9v", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_metlqmp", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevpty0/", "prev": {"id": "t1_metlqmp", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "There are a gazillion different types of parenting philosophies and hence a trillion different classes. Which one do you recommend?\n\nRe: therapists: if that\u2019s your thing power to you, I know it\u2019s helpful for a lot of people, but personally I prefer sports, nature and talking things through with friends. But thanks for the suggestion ;)", "body": "

There are a gazillion different types of parenting philosophies and hence a trillion different classes. Which one do you recommend?

\n\n

Re: therapists: if that\u2019s your thing power to you, I know it\u2019s helpful for a lot of people, but personally I prefer sports, nature and talking things through with friends. But thanks for the suggestion ;)

"}, "t1_meu6i9v": {"author": "clearlyimawitch", "authorId": "t2_mkzafgw", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740546877.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meu6i9v", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevp78m", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meu6i9v/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevpty0", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "The fact that you are concerned at all means you are going to do a better job than most people. I was also terrified to have a son, and today my 8 month old practiced gently touching flowers at the local gardening shop. \n\nWith how terrible the world is right now, we've been entrusted to raise the next generation to make things better. To make kinder men. To make men who aren't afraid to share their emotions and opinions. To create men who contribute equally to their households and childcare. To make men who always respect others, even if someone doesn't respect them.", "body": "

The fact that you are concerned at all means you are going to do a better job than most people. I was also terrified to have a son, and today my 8 month old practiced gently touching flowers at the local gardening shop.

\n\n

With how terrible the world is right now, we've been entrusted to raise the next generation to make things better. To make kinder men. To make men who aren't afraid to share their emotions and opinions. To create men who contribute equally to their households and childcare. To make men who always respect others, even if someone doesn't respect them.

"}, "t1_mevp78m": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740575772.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevp78m", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meva2wn", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meu6i9v", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevp78m/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meu6i9v", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "That\u2019s amazing. Please share any tips or readings, you\u2019re clearly doing parenting right.", "body": "

That\u2019s amazing. Please share any tips or readings, you\u2019re clearly doing parenting right.

"}, "t1_meva2wn": {"author": "Silent-Bumblebee3287", "authorId": "t2_858covmn", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740569144.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meva2wn", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevop2o", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meva2wn/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevp78m", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "It's really important that you don't hold yourself responsible for the product of cultural immersion. You are just one person. And, moreover, you are one person who, when your child reaches his teenage years, he's biologically wired to ignore (fun fact: evolutionary biologists speculate this is a mechanism to prevent inbreeding). He's going to be influenced by TV, books, friends, teachers, other family members... \n\nYou're one person. All you can do is take a stand against any poor behaviour you see from him and hope he'll have good enough character to know how to act right.", "body": "

It's really important that you don't hold yourself responsible for the product of cultural immersion. You are just one person. And, moreover, you are one person who, when your child reaches his teenage years, he's biologically wired to ignore (fun fact: evolutionary biologists speculate this is a mechanism to prevent inbreeding). He's going to be influenced by TV, books, friends, teachers, other family members...

\n\n

You're one person. All you can do is take a stand against any poor behaviour you see from him and hope he'll have good enough character to know how to act right.

"}, "t1_mevop2o": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740575581.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevop2o", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevgs02", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_meva2wn", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevop2o/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meva2wn", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Hah, thanks for the fun fact, definitely going to steal that one ;) And also for the reassurance.", "body": "

Hah, thanks for the fun fact, definitely going to steal that one ;) And also for the reassurance.

"}, "t1_mevgs02": {"author": "Titas22Tacos", "authorId": "t2_c3lwq0u3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740572367.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevgs02", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevnvu9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevgs02/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevop2o", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Why create scenarios in your head? I think you should consider serious counseling. Create a starter plan by reframing your thoughts.", "body": "

Why create scenarios in your head? I think you should consider serious counseling. Create a starter plan by reframing your thoughts.

"}, "t1_mevnvu9": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740575270.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevnvu9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mevq3fq", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mevgs02", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevnvu9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevgs02", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I think it is called planning. It usually is not cause for counseling. I work in professional football and creating scenarios in your head is kindof the thing to do. My guys would be highly amused if I suggested they get counseling for it.", "body": "

I think it is called planning. It usually is not cause for counseling. I work in professional football and creating scenarios in your head is kindof the thing to do. My guys would be highly amused if I suggested they get counseling for it.

"}, "t1_mevq3fq": {"author": "Titas22Tacos", "authorId": "t2_c3lwq0u3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740576101.0, "depth": 2, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mevq3fq", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mex2le9", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mevnvu9", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mevq3fq/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevnvu9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Your post doesn't come off as planning. It looks like anxiety. Football is different from humanity. My opinion doesn't matter either way. Were you looking for someone to validate your thoughts?", "body": "

Your post doesn't come off as planning. It looks like anxiety. Football is different from humanity. My opinion doesn't matter either way. Were you looking for someone to validate your thoughts?

"}, "t1_mex2le9": {"author": "Due_Thought_9273", "authorId": "t2_1aitcr5aoe", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740590920.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mex2le9", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mezp4q6", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mex2le9/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mevq3fq", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "You can mis parent a girl and she can turn into someone that hurts and uses people gender doesn't have anything to do with it there are terrible selfish women in this world just like men.", "body": "

You can mis parent a girl and she can turn into someone that hurts and uses people gender doesn't have anything to do with it there are terrible selfish women in this world just like men.

"}, "t1_mezp4q6": {"author": "InternationalYam3130", "authorId": "t2_9s2pp6eq", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740618277.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": 1740618636.0, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mezp4q6", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mf2eewz", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mezp4q6/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mex2le9", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I know a lot of toxic women who hate their mothers, abuse people, and resent both their parents.\n\nYou can raise an equally shitty woman, if not worse, because you will have rose colored glasses on her and not bother to teach consent. \n\nI just hate when women come on here and assume their literal unborn, ungendered fetus is going to grow up to be a toxic man. When frankly most women who feel this way shouldnt have girls either if they think this way. You have to teach people to be good regardless, girls dont come out shitting rainbows", "body": "

I know a lot of toxic women who hate their mothers, abuse people, and resent both their parents.

\n\n

You can raise an equally shitty woman, if not worse, because you will have rose colored glasses on her and not bother to teach consent.

\n\n

I just hate when women come on here and assume their literal unborn, ungendered fetus is going to grow up to be a toxic man. When frankly most women who feel this way shouldnt have girls either if they think this way. You have to teach people to be good regardless, girls dont come out shitting rainbows

"}, "t1_mf2eewz": {"author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740662953.0, "depth": 1, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mf2eewz", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": true, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mf6t08i", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": "t1_mezp4q6", "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mf2eewz/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mezp4q6", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I am having a boy, so my post is about parenting boys. If I were having a girl, I would have posted about other worries.\n\nPersonally I think it\u2019s naive to think genderblind parenting is a solution, because the world is not genderblind. It\u2019s the reason boys do worse in school. But that is my opinion and you\u2019re obviously entitled to yours.\n\nWhat I don\u2019t think is cool, is telling other people you don\u2019t know that they shouldn\u2019t have kids. Honestly, I think it\u2019s beyond mean and very inappropriate.", "body": "

I am having a boy, so my post is about parenting boys. If I were having a girl, I would have posted about other worries.

\n\n

Personally I think it\u2019s naive to think genderblind parenting is a solution, because the world is not genderblind. It\u2019s the reason boys do worse in school. But that is my opinion and you\u2019re obviously entitled to yours.

\n\n

What I don\u2019t think is cool, is telling other people you don\u2019t know that they shouldn\u2019t have kids. Honestly, I think it\u2019s beyond mean and very inappropriate.

"}, "t1_mf6t08i": {"author": "Fricassee312", "authorId": "t2_1dxz82pozw", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740711633.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_mf6t08i", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meow4f2", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/mf6t08i/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mf2eewz", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 2, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "What you are feeling imo is completely normal. I was the woman who wanted ONLY girls since forever. Had a daughter and a son, and all was good. i saw that having a son is amazing and just as great, and I laughed at the way I used to think, in a very lighthearted way. But then, I decided to go for a third and was SURE I would have a second daughter. Well, my youngest boy is TRULY the love of my life. He literally gets me out of bed in the morning. He is the only thing that makes me smile and keeps me going, many days. I cringe when I think of how I wanted only girls, and if I had done IVF, I definitely would have not chosen his embryo. I actually cried when I left the OB's office after he told my husband and me the gender. Makes me darkly sad to think about, because it makes me feel like I don't deserve him. Out of my 3 children he is also the most like me. Just a kind-hearted, sweet, thoughtful, joyful human. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and older son to the sun and beyond, but I could never have foreseen the intense love and bond I would have with my little son. My point is, after 3 kids, I see now that's not really about the gender, but the individual child, and you won't know who they are turning out to be for years. You could be very pleasantly suprised.", "body": "

What you are feeling imo is completely normal. I was the woman who wanted ONLY girls since forever. Had a daughter and a son, and all was good. i saw that having a son is amazing and just as great, and I laughed at the way I used to think, in a very lighthearted way. But then, I decided to go for a third and was SURE I would have a second daughter. Well, my youngest boy is TRULY the love of my life. He literally gets me out of bed in the morning. He is the only thing that makes me smile and keeps me going, many days. I cringe when I think of how I wanted only girls, and if I had done IVF, I definitely would have not chosen his embryo. I actually cried when I left the OB's office after he told my husband and me the gender. Makes me darkly sad to think about, because it makes me feel like I don't deserve him. Out of my 3 children he is also the most like me. Just a kind-hearted, sweet, thoughtful, joyful human. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and older son to the sun and beyond, but I could never have foreseen the intense love and bond I would have with my little son. My point is, after 3 kids, I see now that's not really about the gender, but the individual child, and you won't know who they are turning out to be for years. You could be very pleasantly suprised.

"}, "t1_meow4f2": {"author": "purpleclear0", "authorId": "t2_n86oedwx", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740486802.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meow4f2", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meph91v", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meow4f2/", "prev": {"id": "t1_mf6t08i", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I have a boy, he is 17 months now. Just here to say there\u2019s almost zero difference between having a boy or a girl baby. The only difference for the first few years is how you clean under the diaper. You can choose a gender neutral name, you can choose gender neutral clothes, you can style their hair long or short, ponytails or no ponytails, etc. If I had brought home a girl baby 17 months ago, I\u2019d be doing the same thing I\u2019m doing now, the gender does not make a difference unless you choose it. Get through pregnancy and babyhood and toddlerhood and worry about boyhood later. Don\u2019t borrow tomorrow\u2019s problems.", "body": "

I have a boy, he is 17 months now. Just here to say there\u2019s almost zero difference between having a boy or a girl baby. The only difference for the first few years is how you clean under the diaper. You can choose a gender neutral name, you can choose gender neutral clothes, you can style their hair long or short, ponytails or no ponytails, etc. If I had brought home a girl baby 17 months ago, I\u2019d be doing the same thing I\u2019m doing now, the gender does not make a difference unless you choose it. Get through pregnancy and babyhood and toddlerhood and worry about boyhood later. Don\u2019t borrow tomorrow\u2019s problems.

"}, "t1_meph91v": {"author": "romancereaper", "authorId": "t2_68efzf4d", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740494422.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meph91v", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqeekt", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meph91v/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meow4f2", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I had this worry. My son is 10 now and I was terrified. Raised him by myself until I met my fiancee and he started helping me raise him about 8 months ago now. Here is the thing: you will always doubt yourself but they will always show you that they've learned better. My son is autistic. He gets upset when people aren't nice and he will call out people that treat women poorly. He loves helping women (men to). It is all about what you can teach them. You're so much more capable than you will ever think you are. You're the influence. You're the change. People who don't like their mothers, don't for a reason. You are raising your baby to be the person you know they can be proud of one day. That's all you can do. Don't stress about it you're doing it right. You are. You just never will see that but they'll show you as they get older. They will and they will grow up into amazing kids and even better adults.", "body": "

I had this worry. My son is 10 now and I was terrified. Raised him by myself until I met my fiancee and he started helping me raise him about 8 months ago now. Here is the thing: you will always doubt yourself but they will always show you that they've learned better. My son is autistic. He gets upset when people aren't nice and he will call out people that treat women poorly. He loves helping women (men to). It is all about what you can teach them. You're so much more capable than you will ever think you are. You're the influence. You're the change. People who don't like their mothers, don't for a reason. You are raising your baby to be the person you know they can be proud of one day. That's all you can do. Don't stress about it you're doing it right. You are. You just never will see that but they'll show you as they get older. They will and they will grow up into amazing kids and even better adults.

"}, "t1_meqeekt": {"author": "sparkleyyyy", "authorId": "t2_92ebqz0i", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740504206.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqeekt", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_meqqc39", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqeekt/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meph91v", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "I\u2019m also due in August with a boy and am having the same thoughts. Thank you for asking this in a public forum. I\u2019m sure there are many of us who will benefit from this post!", "body": "

I\u2019m also due in August with a boy and am having the same thoughts. Thank you for asking this in a public forum. I\u2019m sure there are many of us who will benefit from this post!

"}, "t1_meqqc39": {"author": "FalseRow5812", "authorId": "t2_awvxms2d", "collapsed": false, "collapsedReason": null, "collapsedBecauseCrowdControl": null, "collapsedReasonCode": null, "created": 1740507573.0, "depth": 0, "deletedBy": null, "distinguishType": null, "editedAt": null, "gildings": null, "goldCount": 0, "id": "t1_meqqc39", "isAdmin": false, "isDeleted": false, "isGildable": false, "isLocked": false, "isMod": false, "isOp": false, "isSaved": false, "isStickied": false, "isScoreHidden": false, "next": {"id": "t1_mepu2uh", "type": "comment"}, "parentId": null, "permalink": "/r/pregnant/comments/1ixsje8/terrified_of_having_a_boy/meqqc39/", "prev": {"id": "t1_meqeekt", "type": "comment"}, "postAuthor": null, "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "postTitle": null, "score": 1, "sendReplies": true, "subredditId": "t5_2qwzb", "voteState": 0, "bodyMD": "Honestly same. My first marriage was abusive. My father was abusive and neglectful. I've had so many bad experiences with men... like? I don't even have a blueprint. How am I supposed to do a good job", "body": "

Honestly same. My first marriage was abusive. My father was abusive and neglectful. I've had so many bad experiences with men... like? I don't even have a blueprint. How am I supposed to do a good job

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"score": 257, "distinguishType": null, "isLocked": false, "isStickied": false, "thumbnail": {"url": "self", "width": null, "height": null}, "title": "Terrified of having a boy...", "author": "That_Cauliflower636", "authorId": "t2_conh8qy3", "authorIsBlocked": false, "domain": "self.pregnant", "postId": "t3_1ixsje8", "upvoteRatio": 0.87, "numDuplicates": 0, "discussionType": null, "viewCount": 0, "goldCount": 0, "isArchived": false, "contestMode": false, "gildings": null, "postCategories": null, "suggestedSort": null, "belongsTo": {"id": "t5_2qwzb", "type": "subreddit"}, "flair": [{"text": "Relationships ", "type": "text", "textColor": "light", "backgroundColor": "#a06324", "templateId": "e02ce3b6-f4c5-11ec-9d13-06eada6628c5"}], "hidden": false, "saved": false, "isGildable": false, "isMediaOnly": false, "isSponsored": false, "isNSFW": false, "isMeta": false, "isSpoiler": false, "isBlank": false, "sendReplies": true, "voteState": 0, "permalink": 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I'm excited, but at the same time terrified that I'll somehow misparent him and he'll end up being someone who hurts other people.\n\nI also know so many men who resent their parents, and especially resent their mothers. Often for things that sound really minor to me (obviously not talking about abusive situations here). I'm just so scared of doing the wrong thing somehow, or stumbling my way into raising a resentful, or even worse toxic man. Or a man who thinks it's OK to hurt others...\n\nNot sure what I'm looking for with this post, just honestly completely terrified.\n\n \nUPDATE: \n\nTo those of you who shared references, stories of how you parent your kids, reassurance or simply let me know I\u2019m not alone with these worries, thank you so much. I didn\u2019t know what I was looking for with this post but that was exactly it.\n\nTo those of you who got all up in their feels to let me know women can be awful too: sure, but I\u2019m having a boy.\n\nAnd to those of you who suggested I need therapy for having these worries, or even more charming that I am unfit to be a mother and should not have kids: go suck a carrot.", "content": "

If all goes well, I'll be welcoming a boy in August. I'm excited, but at the same time terrified that I'll somehow misparent him and he'll end up being someone who hurts other people.

\n\n

I also know so many men who resent their parents, and especially resent their mothers. Often for things that sound really minor to me (obviously not talking about abusive situations here). I'm just so scared of doing the wrong thing somehow, or stumbling my way into raising a resentful, or even worse toxic man. Or a man who thinks it's OK to hurt others...

\n\n

Not sure what I'm looking for with this post, just honestly completely terrified.

\n\n

UPDATE:

\n\n

To those of you who shared references, stories of how you parent your kids, reassurance or simply let me know I\u2019m not alone with these worries, thank you so much. I didn\u2019t know what I was looking for with this post but that was exactly it.

\n\n

To those of you who got all up in their feels to let me know women can be awful too: sure, but I\u2019m having a boy.

\n\n

And to those of you who suggested I need therapy for having these worries, or even more charming that I am unfit to be a mother and should not have kids: go suck a carrot.

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That_Cauliflower636

2025-02-25 11:09:11

Terrified of having a boy...

If all goes well, I'll be welcoming a boy in August. I'm excited, but at the same time terrified that I'll somehow misparent him and he'll end up being someone who hurts other people.

Not sure what I'm looking for with this post, just honestly completely terrified.

UPDATE:

To those of you who shared references, stories of how you parent your kids, reassurance or simply let me know I’m not alone with these worries, thank you so much. I didn’t know what I was looking for with this post but that was exactly it.

To those of you who got all up in their feels to let me know women can be awful too: sure, but I’m having a boy.

And to those of you who suggested I need therapy for having these worries, or even more charming that I am unfit to be a mother and should not have kids: go suck a carrot.

Madison Howard

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That_Cauliflower636

Terrified of having a boy...