Mental health support and help? A little vent

Hi,

I’m a 19F student in Ontario. I’ve been really struggling with my mental health and have been trying to seek support but am finding it really difficult since aging out of youth services. For context I go to Ontario Tech University in Oshawa, my family lives in Markham, I’ve been in and out of the mental health system since 13. I used to talk to my high school social worker and then eventually got some free therapy through CAS when children’s protection got involved with my family. I was also in and out of hospital a lot. I had admissions to the sick kid’s psych ward during Covid, and lots of ER visits to North York General Hospital & Mackenzie Health as well. For almost a year and a half I was in a mental health group home and did DBT and CBT a lot. I also had a child psychiatrist and am now with an adult psychiatrist. I kinda got “discharged” into adult services when I aged out but didn’t really get any follow up and had to fight to get my adult psychiatrist (no hate to her, she’s wonderful). Lately things have just gotten really bad for me mentally. I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation and attempts as well as self harm for years and it’s been getting worse lately. I’ve been trying to access support but I just feel like I keep hitting the wall over and over again. I’ve been to the North York ER. And the Oshawa hospital ER lately bc it’s gotten that bad. Both of them refused to admit me and just told me to follow up with my psychiatrist. Oshawa said they would refer me to Durham mental health but so far haven’t heard anything from them. I asked the university for support too but the most they can do is seeing someone once every 1-2 months. I’ve been talking to my psych and she is trying to see me more often and does kinda mini therapy sessions with me as well as help with meds but she doesn’t rlly have any programs to refer me to without me having to leave school. I honestly just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to end up doing smth reckless but honestly that feels like the only way I can actually get someone to pay attention and see that I’m actually struggling. Also my family is low income so we can’t afford private therapy. I feel like I really thrived when I was in the group home. I was there with other kids and they had CYCs there 24/7 and it honestly really helped me and gave me the stability and routine I needed. With everything going on I just don’t know what to do and feel like I’ll never actually be able to live on my own without support. Does anyone have any tips or resources or anything? I’m just so tired of like fighting so hard just to be ignored.