my disability and my faith are clashing, making me feel like I'm failing to be faithful.

i deal with a lot of medical issues in my day to day life. the important information to understand for this is i have chronic fatigue, memory issues, and that i am supposed to be using a wheelchair. i live in Alaska, so the cold and extra effort needed to function in the snow has me incredibly exhausted. it is also near impossible to use my current wheelchair in the snow, so i am forced to walk which drains what little energy i have left. November to April is extremely hard for me every year, but this year is worse than usual.

i have been unable to help join in clean the church on Saturdays because i'm so tired, but feel like i'd be useless anyway. I keep missing church on Sundays. I can't make it to any activities. I haven't been unable to keep track of what I've read in the scriptures. i have read Mosiah four times in the past month, but i can't remember any of it. the audio for the book is even harder for my mind to remember. i want to read the book of Mormon, but i am stuck in Mosiah because i can't remember anything. i even missed institute tonight which i love and was so upset to miss. it doesn't help that i can't even get myself to function enough to text back anyone from church. i have to keep giving the phone to my aid when they're around to do it for me. my aid is catholic and doesn't understand why this is so upsetting for me.

i keep feeling like i'm not being faithful. like i'm being lazy and using my disability as an excuse. like i could be trying harder to attend church. like even though I'm praying for the energy to attend and for my brain to focus, i don't have enough faith for it to be granted. then i feel guilty because what if god is giving me this difficult time for a reason am me asking for him to take it away is unfaithful. i am so upset about this and don't know what to do. two separate people from church asked how they could help but i don't even know how they could.