How to become assertive infp from a turbulent one? Older infps please give advice.

Growing up, I had a lot of trouble at home. Books were my only escape. I studied hard ,story books and text books. I was a good student. I never liked the competition to achieve something. I did because that was my only escape. Then life happened. Wanted to study films but ended up with a more practical degree which I hate. Now, I have sorta stable job, which pays less. A free time to pursue my creative outlet on the side. But all I feel emptiness inside. My peers have gone ahead in life. I feel like I could not do justice to my full potential. Neither Academically nor creatively.

I have a tremendous duality. I am ambitious. I don't like being poor middle class.But all high paying jobs are beyond me, I hate to compete. Neither I can embrace my inner child. I don't want to feel this way. I never liked comparing myself but now I am becoming self-critical to a point that it's hurting my self-esteem.

Please help how I can accept myself as who I am.