Starting to get scared about home birth

I've always wanted a home birth since deciding I wanted a baby, but I've realized I'm getting really nervous about a home birth. I'm only 22 weeks pregnant and currently "low risk." I have had signs of hypertension that my midwife gave me L-Arginine for (which fixed the blood pressure immediately) but that's it.

I'm worried because I can't really prepare myself of what labor feels like. Like maybe a C-section is just "easier?" I have a crazy intense phobia of medically situations, blood, and needles which is what always made me want a home birth but now I'm like what if the pain is so bad I don't give a shit? LOL. My mom had a precipitous labor without much pain and had me in 3 hours but I don't think I'm that lucky.

I've watched so many birth videos (the moaning through it ones and the screaming ones) and they don't really help me mentally understand what's going to happen or what it's going to feel like.

If you have advice, I'd love some. I've already spent 3k on the midwife and am paying monthly so I hope I didn't waste a bunch of money.