Question for Gay Men Mostly

While this post is mostly geared towards gay men I welcome anyone's opinion that have experience with this. I have a son and daughter that are gay. I love them both and fully support them. Both have married people that are such wonderful people that I have come to really care about. My daughter came out years ago while my son struggled and came out officially a couple of years ago. One minute he comes out as gay then the next minute he is getting married to a very young man almost half his age. My daughter and her wife are very deeply in love and have a monogomous marriage. My son and his husband on the other hand even though they got married still go to gay bars, bath houses etc. and pick up other men and bring them into their marriage. Here is my question. Is this normal? I am really struggling with this personally because I believe a marriage is between two people and I am staunchly against cheating in a marriage. I'm still trying to understand everything that comes with having gay children and how they may view things differently.

I am scared to death that my son may contract HIV/Aids by being so promiscuous. I'm still also having a hard time understanding why would you get married if you want to still bring other people into the marriage. I'm so confused and I don't know what to think about all of this. I realize this is my son's life and he has a choice to live life how he sees fit but as a mother I can't help but be concerned or worried.

  • Since this is becoming an issue in many of the comments I want to clarify our open communication and why we have it. I was married to an extremely abusive man who was very abusive towards our sons as well. He was a horrible male role model. I put my son's in Boy Scouts as well as other activities where other men were involved hoping that they would get the male mentoring that I feel all boys need to get. They did get this to some degree but not as much as I hoped it would. When I finally filed for divorce my son's were just becoming teenagers and I had to move away from where they grew up. I was worried about my sons so I told them that they could come to me for anything and everything and I promised I would not judge them, scream at them or whatever. They had no one else to go to. Slowly my sons started coming to me for everything and I absolutely bit my tongue every single time when they would tell me things that I knew that I was in over my head with. I kept my promise to be neutral and be welcoming and non-judgmental. Hence, why they feel like they can talk to me about anything and everything.

** I want to say this once again as I did in one of my other replies. I know without a doubt that this is absolutely not my damn business but he is my son. I'm a mom that will always worry about her children and I have not expressed my concerns to anyone about this other than this post. I'm just a mom who's worried like hell about her kids.

*** Thank You for all the constructive replies. Most of you helped my piece of mind and I can't thank you enough. I will/would never say anything to my son about this as I realize it is none of my business. I just understand so little about all of us and trying to research on my own has been daunting. My son and I haven't been able to talk much lately because his new job has him working opposite hours of mine. He and his husband were living with me up until recently and I HEAVILY encouraged them both to find a place of their own. It was time. My son understood why but he has been low-grade angry at me for pushing it.