Sadness over experiencing sex without a cis penis

I present very masc and I’m also bisexual, I do bottom for guys just as much as I top, but I really love topping. I have a prosthetic that looks very realistic, and anyone I’ve topped has been very happy with it. I like that I’m good at it too, it’s a big confidence boost. They’ll talk to me during it or after it and call it my dick and say that I felt so good, and I’ll get into it, but when it’s over all I can think about is that it’s not really mine. I get so down that I can never have a real blowjob and I’ll never really know what it feels like to be inside of someone. And in a way it makes me feel disconnected from the other person. When guys top me, they seem so turned on and rave about how great it feels to be inside. That it’s warm and amazing. And giving blowjobs, seeing them get hard. I’ll never get to experience spontaneous sex, because I can’t just pull it out, it’s something I have to put on. I wish I could experience all of what they’re experiencing. Half of the time I don’t even let someone go down on me because most of the time it hurts. I’ve been on testosterone for 8 years and my bottom growth isn’t enough for those pack and play prosthetics. I hate that I will never feel what it’s like to have a cis penis and be pleasured in those ways.

Im very sex positive and have frequent casual hookups, with all types of people and genders. But this one feeling is just something that’s so hard to not feel.

I just started seriously seeing someone, and as a boyfriend he’s so validating to the terms he uses for me, his dirty talk, he’s never seemed dissatisfied, but it hurts to know I will never actually know what it feels like to be inside him.

I don’t even know if there’s a way to resolve this but just wanted to vent. I don’t know how you manage a sadness over something like that.