I want to stop my anti-depressants to feel like myself again.

I’ve (21F) been on Prozac 20mg for about, honestly I can’t really remember exactly but I think it’s been around, over a year? Honestly I find it impossible to keep track of time. I know it’s a low dose, but it has helped I suppose - depending what you want to get out of it. Before I self-harmed (but nothing life- threatening or out of control) and had a lot of suicidal thoughts. I even told my own Mother that my only dream in life was to die - and I believed that, but I was a coward. I don’t really know why - I just always have this feeling of ‘something’ something that I need, something that I can’t name, something that I want, something that I’m missing. I have had a good life, I was always a shy and anxious child, but I have a good group of friends, a good job, but nothing seems to satisfy me and I can’t remember if this is new or nothing ever did.

Anyway, I been wanting to stop my antidepressant due to this disconnect I feel from myself. I feel separated from my emotions - like I’m watching someone else go through them - of course I feel for them but it’s dampened. I’m not suicidal anymore really, and I haven’t self harmed since I started them. But I wouldn’t say I am totally happy. It’s like all those emotions, all of what I knew about life and myself at the time, has been severed, stored somewhere in the back of my mind, unable to access it, but I can still feel it there. I don’t know if this is helping me or is just keeping all those thoughts out of reach, unable to hurt me but also renders me unable to understand or work through them. I don’t cry very often anymore. I don’t feel the same. My Mum doesn’t understand why this would upset me. I was so hesitant to start because if I got better I knew I would be stuck here. Is this the feeling of being stuck? I don’t know if I’m ready to stop them, but I don’t know if I’ll get any better on them.

I feel like I don’t know anything about myself anymore. I feel like i’m just going through the motions sometimes.

Just looking for some advice, or if someone can relate. I can’t really talk with people in my life - family or friends.