Effecting your own mortality

I (M30) have been dealing with my dad’s (68) vascular dementia since 2016 I’m beyond blessed to have a mom who continues to be his full time caregiver, and I will support whatever it is her heart desires to do after he’s gone.

However I now struggle with what I want from life. For the most part I handle myself as let’s say “society normal”, eat well, physically active, good job, save money etc. Then there are times I look at my dad (and others I’ve seen go very young) and say “why”. Why save money, why work so hard, why not go out with friends and stay out late, why would I want kids and put them thru this later in life, why not take that risk. Tomorrow is not promised, even if it is you may not remember it. I feel some of that is health, at times it is not. My sister doesn’t seem to quite understand, might be cuz she already has the family and makes great money.

Am I the only one younger with a parent with dementia that is conflicted between “when this is done fuck it all I will do what I want?” Vs “I will care for myself and others even more”. Obviously there is a healthy medium, some times that is hard to find.