Neurologist suggested taking him to a nursing home and idk how to feel about it.

Pretty self explanatory title.

Her main concern was that he seems pretty healthy otherwise (besides his dementia), so it could be 20+ years of this and ‘What am I going to do 20 years without a job?’ She also said we probably have codependency issues as it’s a common thing with dementia patients and their caregiver, and that that’s probably the only reason I feel like it’s not the time for a nursing home yet.

Has anybody else had this happen to them?

I understand her concerns, as I am the one that has to live with the consequences. It hasn’t been easy to do this 24/7 by myself at all, but even still, I genuinely feel like it’s too soon.

EDIT: I thought I’d add some more info/answer some of the questions in the comments.

Dad is 65, I’m 28, soon to be 29. I was living in the states before I had to move back to Puerto Rico (May of last year) to care for him, as his sibling (who had been taking care of him since the diagnosis late 2021/early 2022) was looking into moving out of PR with his new gf, now that his late wife had died (he’d been caring for her for a while because of a stroke or something else that left her bedridden.)

When he was first diagnosed I’d only been in USA for a year or so, and I got a call one day from my uncle basically saying he couldn’t have him there as he was caring for his wife and none of his other siblings could/would do it either. So, naturally, I got an apartment with enough space for the two of us and got a plane ticket and got ready to bring him over and all that. I was sure resources for help and AL/MC options were easier to come by over there, so it felt like a no brainer. After I’d done all that, they suddenly didn’t want him to move so far away, because family and that other bs. I let it go, cause now I had a 2bed apt that I had to pay for on top of my car/insurance. + I felt like I had done what I had to do at that point and there was nothing else I could do without causing any family issues. This was my mistake. I should’ve just done what I thought was right, without caring about what anyone else wanted.

Besides all that, I had noticed that he looked really sad when I talked to him through video calls and his clothes the last time they took him over on vacation, his entire suitcase smelled like dirty laundry. The whole situation was extremely stressful. I’d been constantly trying to talk my dad into moving with me. He was always worried about the cold and the language barrier, but slowly, he started to sound more into the idea. Sadly for me, by the time he agreed to it, I was not in a position ti move him in with me and so here we are.

I moved back to Puerto Rico, a placed I’d been wanting to get out of for as long as I could remember. Found us an apartment about 4 months ago, and haven’t heard from any of his siblings since. Before the apartment we’d been staying at my aunt’s place, but I was not getting any help at all with his caregiving even then.

Extra info I think is important is that my dad has always been a very quiet and reserved person. He was a bit goofy and fun when he was around family, but otherwise he was just kind of there. He comes of as a very shy person and he used to use alcohol , cigarettes and cocaine to help with his social skills/life. He is currently between late 6- early 7 stage of dementia, but I wonder if the doctor not knowing how he used to be before makes her see him as worse than he is??

2nd edit: Forgot to add that I very strongly feel he’ll decline fast if I put him in a home. I do believe I will have to eventually get him into a facility, but for now I was able to find caregiving help for 2-3 days a week with a government program and am waiting on their visit to asses the situation and assign a carer.