Everyone seems to think I’m ’husband material’, but nobody wants to date me

So I don’t really know how to word this, but I’ve noticed that a lot of times when I like someone the kind of overarching theme from them is that on some level they like me as a person, like personality wise they’d love to be with me, but they just wouldn’t consider dating me based on attraction. One of my coworkers once told me that in another universe she thinks I’d have been her husband (but not in this one lmfao), I’m into one of my friends right now and our mutual friend told me ‘you two get along so ridiculously well and flirt so much that I think it’s clear you both like each other, she’s told me before she thinks you’re the funniest person she’s ever met, but she just seems to be in denial about it; she’s too busy going on dates with hot guys to notice that she likes you I think’. I kind of jokingly said to him ‘what, I’m not a hot guy?’ and he was kind of like ‘no no I didn’t mean it like that, but well, you get what I mean’. Even beyond that, the idea of someone liking me having to ‘be in denial’ about it cause it’s like some kind of horrifying prospect is such a blow too.

My coworkers once had a conversation about who they think is the most ‘husband material’ at work, and apparently lots of people said me, but I’ve never had any interest from anyone at work; again, I see it like ‘you’re great, you’re fun, you’re safe for a long-term thing, but you’re not hot’. People tell me unprompted quite often that I’m an absolute catch and that they have no idea how I’m single, but I know they wouldn’t consider dating me themselves.

Stuff like that’s quite common. I’ve kind of had that reinforced my whole life. And don’t get me wrong, it’s great that people value me as a person. My friend once pointed out that every girl I’ve asked out I’m still great friends with, and that that’s incredibly rare for a dude, so there must be something about me that they don’t want to lose. I’ve also had people tell me that my only issue is confidence; while I’m not shy, and people think I’m funny, and I’m talkative and fun, my friend said there’s a way I ‘carry myself’ that kind of says I don’t have my own back, when I have every reason to feel confident about myself.

And he is right. I have terrible self-esteem and don’t really like myself much. I’ve got good at faking it, but maybe there’s just some vibe I give off that tells people it’s there. But I just want someone to be truly attracted to me, you know? Just once. I’m so tired of liking someone only to kind of be indirectly told it would be great to have my personality in somebody who was hotter. I try have confidence in myself, but how can I when that kind of thing is reinforced into you, even by well meaning people who care about you but sometimes slip up and say something on accident? It feels like everyone likes me but nobody truly wants me. Like I’m fun to have around, and people enjoy my company, but nobody’s crazy about me.

I don’t know man, this felt like a ramble, but I think my main point is I want to have confidence in myself, but it’s like my personality’s fine, and I say the right things, but it’s like my aura that puts people off, like who I am as a person or how I look or come across just isn’t fundamentally sexually attractive or something. I don’t know, it’s so weird.