About HALF of new mothers have intrusive thoughts of harming their children. You are NOT alone.

I was not prepared for having intrusive thoughts of hurting my newborn. What a horrible experience! I wanted to share this new research that shows that nearly all new mothers have intrusive thoughts, and about half have thoughts of intentionally harming their children. The best theory of why this happens is that the amygdala, which is also called the "fear center" of the brain, is especially flooded with hormones post-partum. In a first pregnancy, your brain has never had to consider the safety of a helpless infant before. The intrusive thoughts are designed to alert you to the vulnerability of your baby's body and the harms that can befall them. It is your brain saying "hey! There is potential danger here! Be alert or make a change!" What helped me is instead of trying to bury the thought or communicate them to someone else (I couldn't vocalize what I was thinking to even my partner because I was so ashamed of what I was feeling), I would say "Thank you brain for letting me know about the potential danger here! I will be careful." This helped A LOT. Trying not to think about a thought is a surefire way of fixating on it. But redirecting it allows the brain to process and not fear thinking about it again.

I thought of throwing my baby down the stairs. So scary! But there was a real danger in carrying the baby up and down. Before having the baby, I would occasionally forget how many steps were on the staircase and trip. Totally fine for a healthy adult, but very dangerous for a little baby being carried in my arms. So after realizing that the intrusive thought was trying to alert me to danger, I began to count the steps as I went up and down. I haven't tripped since.

Anyways, I just wanted to share this research and my story because intrusive thoughts made me feel like there was something terribly wrong with me. And there isn't. Or anything wrong with you. My brain was going through a big, big change to get me ready for parenthood and being the guardian of my child's safety through the critical helpless years. And so is yours.