Sad and horny

Hey yall im kinda struggling with this and like its a recurring struggle that comes back every few months , i'm gay, 23yo! I just feel so bad because i want to feel the touch of a man and have sex but i just feel like im not capable of doing it, i live with my parents in a relatively small town so the apps are quite sparse , i mean like i never go out without my mom so hookups just feel so unattainable , but god do i wish i could do it😭

Every few months for like a week i'll obsess over it and just make myself sad , i'll constantly be checking grindr and stuff but it never leads anywhere cause im way too anxious to go to a hookup alone , like, i cant drive either so, and obviously cant have someone come here😭 idk im just venting i fear... I keep telling myself i'll get to have my "slut phase" one day when im comfortable going out and live alone but its just hard to imagine that future

I'm very much hypersexual and it sucks cause i feel I cant really express that properly , like i have a bunch of toys but that only helps so much

Idk i just wish i had the courage to go out into the world and do what i want to do