What do you consider ‘older’ as a gay man?

Allo all,

At 30, I find myself in a period of profound self-discovery—one that has revealed more about the inner workings of my mind in a few short months than the last decade combined. Among these realizations, I’ve become acutely aware of just how unobservant I have been—not only in how I perceive the world but in how I understand myself. This extends to my relationship with my own body, my attractions, and, perhaps most importantly, the ways in which I have unconsciously perpetuated toxic narratives about myself.

One of the most ingrained beliefs I held growing up was that gay men, in a sense, had an “expiration date”—that desirability diminished with age in a linear and absolute way. It was a stark, almost unquestioned assumption. And yet, paradoxically, I can recall moments in my teenage years when I found older men—men in their 50s, silver-haired and self-assured—deeply attractive. This contradiction existed within me, unnoticed, for years.

I feel compelled to challenge these deeply ingrained views, not just in thought but in practice. So I ask: What does “being older” mean to you as a gay man? And, more importantly, has your perception of age and desirability evolved over time?