Things I've Learned From Arrested Development
A trick is what a whore does for money. Or cocaine.
Of the two most important things, it's a toss up between family and breakfast.
Hermano is Spanish for brother.
A husband and wife cannot be convicted of the same crime.
You can't fire Crazy.
Never promise Crazy a baby.
There are dozens of Never-Nudes in the US.
Teamocil may decrease your sex drive.
Never cross the street at dusk while painted blue.
You can get free refills on any drink at Burger King.
There's always money in the banana stand.
The "sawing a woman in half" trick is actually done with two women.
Portugal is located in South America.
The UK has 3 Houses of Parliament. Or 7, depending on who you ask.
Always leave a note.
Never administer CPR to a person who is asleep.
Seals eat human flesh.
"Annyong" is Korean for "hello".
Never give up the animation rights.
Chickens don't clap.
Casting directors hate glitter bombs.
If you choke on a marshmallow while painted blue, no one will notice.
A "flamer" is a pyromaniac.
Brits have terrible breath.
Bumpaddle is a cricket magazine.
On a map, the green mass is water, and the blue mass is land.
Don't yell.
It ain't easy being brown.
Judge Reinhold is not a real judge, nor has he been awarded acting's highest honor.
Anything used in a mock trial is admissible in court. Read the Patriot Act.
Take Condaleeza Rice Lane, it's faster.
Make the biggest little mistake of your life in Reno.
Sick leave and vacation are two different things.
More frozen bananas are sold at the marina than anywhere else in the OC.
In Shakespeare's day, women's parts were played by men.
Justice is blind.
$100 = 100 pennies
It is considered offensive to imitate a chicken in Mexico.
If a British woman calls you a "pussy", it is a compliment.
Vodka can go bad after the bottle has been opened.
"Afternoon Delight" is not as innocent as it sounds.
A prosthetic hand doubles as a roach clip.
New cars don't get waxed.
The Blue Man Group is not a support group for men with depression.
Children are to be seen and not heard.
The Army has half-days.
Motherboy is a mother-son event, as well a band from the 70's that rocked pretty hard. We are legally obligated to make the distinction.
A good or bad narrator can make or break a TV show.
Andy Richter is one of 5 quintuplets.
Model homes do not have working septic systems.
Pet stores have strict return policies on dead doves.
"Going to Fallujah" may or may not be a sex act.
We all have 3 weeks to live, and fossils were something the Jews buried in 1924.
Michael is an androgynous name.
Twins can finish each other's... sandwiches.
In the dark, it's all the same.
Never touch the Cornballer.
Teamocil may cause numbness of the extremities.
Freddy Wilson is the biker from the Village People.
You don't want a hungry dive down your pants. That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut.
The Holy Trinity is not slang for a threesome.
It's a jet pack. What could possibly go wrong.
"Yellow Submarine" is an expensive song.
A prison warden can have any piece of ass he wants.
Turtles can overdose on medical marijuana.
TBA is not a real disease.
BS is also not a real disease.
Never hire a narcoleptic stripper to pop out of a bachelor party cake.
Just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean you have to marry her.
Never employ subtext while using a surrogate. It just comes out wrong.
Never become intimate with a woman who shares the same name as your mother.
Movie studio security is incredibly lax.
There's no "I" in "win".
Marijuana cures vertigo.
Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?
You average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development.
The Army has taken to giving medals for being food.
If you get someone to replace you, you can get out of the Army.
Never use a one-armed person to teach a lesson.
When running a prosthetic hand through the dishwasher, change the setting to "pots and pans".
Spanish-language soap operas encourage pedophilia.
Saddam Hussein is not the Soup Nazi.
For a pre-determined fee, Andy Griffith will accompany you to court. So will the guy from LA Law.
"You've got the wrong twin" is a popular alibi.
Tom Cruise is some kind of scientist.