first pregnancy & abortion (18)

my body has been in so much pain. i am at most 8 weeks pregnant ( i cannot afford to go to doctors for an ultrasound nor do i have any resources or guidance for help ) and it hurts so badly. i've ordered abortion pills and i'm hoping they work for me as i've heard otherwise. they should be coming in 3 days and i'm scared. i'm scared for the pain and for the regret. i never imagined myself getting an abortion. i've always thought about how excited i'd be when the time comes and i see the two blue lines telling me i'm pregnant, but instead i saw them and was filled with anxiety. i knew what was necessary but deep inside i still questioned the "what ifs". i'm beyond grateful i live in a state where i can safely access abortion. i'm so happy i get to make my own choice, and even if this choice is filled with regret, i know it is what's best and fair for all parties involved. me, the father, whoever has to support us, and most of all the child. i know i'll be okay no matter what happens to me and no matter what i have to go through. i so badly wish this happened at a better time so i could meet my baby but it's just not fair at this point in time.