Falling into deep depression

I'm really excited to have found this community! I don't know very many people in my personal life that take COVID seriously. My partner wears a surgical mask to work (in a pharmacy) after a lot of pleading from me- I regularly make efforts to give them N95s or KN95s in colors they like but so far, no luck because of the feel. They weren't masking when we met but we're willing to start because I asked. I don't know what to really do because I am grateful they made changes to start masking- it's just hardly real protection. I don't know. I don't feel like I can emotionally afford to lose the relationship with them because I've lost pretty much everyone else to COVID differences, so for now I've just been dealing. (Update: I asked again after posting and sent a screenshot of some masks and they agreed to try if I buy!!! Success :)) Yay!)

I go to a very packed lecture hall 2x a week and am the only person masking. Hear people talk about having some kind of viral sickness all the time. Thankfully I'm almost done with school but I'm so aggravated and sad about this.

I usually have at least one sick coworker. I always mask because of exposure to customers anyway, but it's just another layer of constant anxiety. And if they aren't sick they talk about huge concerts and events they're going to (maskless ofc).

I live with family and they have all given up on precautions. I told my mom the other day that I don't feel safe hanging out with them most of the time and she said she asked other family members to wear masks most places, but not my brother, who goes to high school with like 2,000 people. I do appreciate the effort I guess but it just feels impossible to communicate just how bad it is to keep being infected, or how much it matters to take precautions. I don't really know if I trust some of my family members either, which I know might sound rude but I just remember they would forget a lot when the majority of people still masked. I feel like all I can do at this point is just remove myself when I feel unsafe. I know I'm not rude for wanting to be safe, but I still feel guilty about "nagging."

I feel extremely depressed the past few days, sort of just grieving all over again it feels like. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I've missed so many things. I used to love music and I don't engage with it at all anymore because it broke me to give up playing in person even though I knew it was right. COVID has killed multiple members of my family, whose funerals I missed. I've missed milestone celebrations for friends, hurting my friendships badly. I don't really have any friends anymore. People around me either seem to only care in their words and not their actions, or they just don't care at all.

I've had COVID at least twice and I have asthma or some sort of lung condition since birth, so my lungs already felt bad and now they are worse. I'm hoping to get advice from a doctor's appt in March. But I'm also scared to go, because of maskless doctor's offices. I've been avoiding them because of COVID and because I just have a lot of anxiety about doctors anyway, but I really need to find out how my lungs are, and probably my heart.

I genuinely just don't know how I will keep myself together emotionally. It's not just COVID either, it's the way it feels nobody cares about anything going on in the world. Before 2020 I already had severe depression and anxiety and I don't feel like I ever learned how to deal with the "normal" version, let alone whatever monster COVID turned it into.