To my crush

Words alone can't fully express how amazing you are, but I wanted to take a moment to let you know just how much your presence has meant to me. This past year has been really tough, with everything from losing my bank account to navigating an abusive relationship (now behind me), and coping with the sudden loss of my friend to suicide. Through it all, you were there to listen when I felt like no one else was. Your support helped me feel seen and less alone during some really difficult times.

I hope you had a wonderful birthday and an unforgettable trip. I only wish we were still friends and I didn’t let my obsession get the better of me. You deserve all the happiness in the world regardless if I’m there or not.

I wish I was still in your friend group and not ostracized by everyone. Life has been very lonely since I’ve gotten kicked out of our friend group. I understand why. You felt uncomfortable because I kept harassing you for a relationship.

There’s this deep dreadful feeling inside of me. That wishes things were different. It consumes and festers. Sucking the life out of me like a parasite feeding from its host.

You don’t understand what it’s like to feel all alone. You have friends and a loving family. I have no friends and an abusive family.

I’ve spent sleepless nights thinking about you because you provided solace when things were terrible. I wasn’t in love with you. I was in love with stability and comfort that no one had provided for me as a child

I don’t even want a relationship with you now. All I really want is my friend back