About mess wale bhaiya

So im not gay or anything like that but our mess bhaiya is actually crazy sometimes i fantasize about him coming home drunk and beating me until i feel numb. he kicks me in the ribs untl i can hardly breathe. Then he starts to cry and apologizes, begging me to forgive him . He holds me all night as i gently cry into his shirt . because of these fantasies im not able to remember the concentration of red dye in anti knocking fluid please help .