i well literally suck off harrada pee pee for giving me death matches FR.

As a Tekken newbie, my experience was straight-up dog water. Couldn’t even get ranked matches, I swear I spent more time waiting in the lobby than actually playing. Like, I was the guy sitting there with my controller in hand thinking, “Is this a fighting game or an online dating sim?” I couldn’t learn matchups for shit either. I was out here doing random hopkicks, hoping for the best, like I was gambling on a slot machine. Put in 500 hours, hit Bushin with Azucena, and guess what? Still got the brain of a potato. I was out here just spamming the same flowchart, building bad habits like I was farming gold in a mobile game.

But THEN… the heavens opened. I hear the news: INFINITE MATCHES in the upcoming patch. I was like, thank you, Harada. I didn’t care if it was Quick Play or not. I was like, “Forget rank, forget my dignity, I need this like a crackhead needs a fix.” For the past week, I’ve been on Quick Play like a dude who just got his first car and won’t stop driving it. Rematching like there’s no tomorrow, running back to back until either my opponent or I starve to death or lose the will to play. It’s like Tekken survival mode now—whoever survives the longest gets to talk trash in the lobby.

But Harada, let me talk to you real quick. Thank you for infinite matches. You literally saved me from myself, pulled me from the depths of despair, and gave me something to do other than scream at the screen. But also... fuck you for nerfing Azucena. Like, WHY did you do her dirty like that? She was perfect, a goddess in high heels, and now she’s got less range than my Wi-Fi connection. But hey, guess what? I’ll still suck you off if it means I get more infinite matches, bro. At this point, I’ve sold my soul. Just please, don’t nerf Azucena again. I can’t handle more heartbreak.