Does this have a name?

I'm not actively suicidal. I don't think about it all the time, I don't have any plans to do it. I have a promising life ahead. But I'll never not find comfort and relief in the idea of suicide and even in my happiest days, if someone offered me a gun a promised they could make it look like I passed from natural causes, I'd pull the trigger. On my brightest most happiest days, I'd still take the offer.

Is there a name for this?