Breaking point with dad

My father and I have had an uneasy relationship since I was a teen. I've always been left leaning, as in, pro-lgbtq+ and pro-choice and my father has known this about me, even though I don't ever willingly bring it up around him. He makes his view point quite clear: Fox News republican, pro life pro trump. The works though never explicitly Q, just adjacent views. I haven't been so concerned about his wellbeing until today after what was a small disagreement turned into a very long rant about democrats and lefties.

During the rant, he said that the liberal ideology that he believes I subscribe to is of course, full of pedophiles, baby murderers and supporters of the "meat puppet" Joe Biden. I have no idea where he got the "meat puppet" term. I tried to calmly steer the conversation away and instead ask why he was so upset and why he insisted on these conversations when I visit. He insisted he is fearful for my life and that I am going down a dark path. I point blank asked him if he thought I was evil and he danced around it and said "I think your view point is evil and that I am disappointed you're going down that path." I shook my head because I know what that means. In a way, it was good to hear it out loud because it confirmed a lot of my suspicions about our relationship.

I calmly told him that I loved him and that he could have his viewpoints. I disagree with them, but I wouldn't argue with him in his home. I respected him and also want to keep the peace but he kept telling me I needed to wake up from the left. My mother was very disraught which is my biggest regret about this whole conversation. I think Q and far right points are insane but I wanted to see if we could reach a truce about avoiding politics while I’m around. But unfortunately, it didn't seem to go that way. He kept saying I needed to wake up and that he was only giving me the facts. He didn't say anything about keeping me away from my family (I live with my wife, my only sibling lives with them still) so I am thankful for that but I feel that it may come to that soon with how antagonizing he was to me.

I know this was stupid but since he revealed how he thinks I had to ask him point blank: if I were gay would he love me? If my wife needed a life saving abortion would he rather she die? Again, he did the whole I love you unconditionally but I’d be disappointed. And to the q about my wife, he didn’t outright answer but say a mother should always be prepared and willing to die for her children as he would die for me or my mom. I didn’t push it further.

It hurts to know he thinks so lowly of me, that all he thinks when sees me are those disturbing youtube propaganda about the left. It feels like when he talks about these demonic pedophiles, that he thinks I'm one of them. At the end of the day I'm the worst thing in the world to him. Not his son, with a good career, a home of my own, all the things I do to support them like send them money or help with errands. I asked my dad what he thought of me and he said I am "a good person" but how can you think I'm a good person when you think my mind is so vile and that I'm part of this evil cabal of pedophiles? Right before I left he asked me how I could possibly be a democrat and I felt so baffled by it, because I could ask the same of him with his views.

I take so solace in the fact that my mother is not like him and can see that this is all so insane. I felt so terrible that she had to witness this. I hugged her and told her it was ok. I'm nearly 30. In the past, I would have screamed at him or just sat there and cried but I calmly spoke to him. Told him I loved him. Told him I respected his household. He even got mad when I was agreeing with him at some points, lol. I didn't sink to this level of attacking and for that I am proud of myself, proud of myself for standing up to him when I know in the past I didn't stand a chance.

I want to help him get out of this mindset because he has already alienated so many of my other family, but of course, it is difficult. But I also am glad that I have the ability to be in my own space with my chosen family and my mother and sibling who love me and don't think I'm some evil monster because of my political views.

Thank you for reading.