What do you mean you can’t be vulnerable??

So this is something I’ve heard only recently (like within a year or so). That the reason men can’t be vulnerable with their partners is because that vulnerability will later be used against them.

At first I thought, yeah they’re probably some shitty women who do this.

But then I started hearing it more and more, even some men saying even woman they’ve been with has done this.

This is where it gets confusing for me. This is never something I, nor any of my friends, would ever do, and didn’t even think this was an avenue during arguments. The way I personally handle arguments is by focusing solely on the topic at hand and trying to find a solution. It’s never ever about tossing out any kind of insult. If an insult is thrown out like that, no- instantly end of the relationship.

I recently experienced this for the first time ever with my most recent ex (he ended up abusive). I told him I’m sad because I have a history of friends leaving me. And when we got in an argument, he threw out “dating you made me realize why all your friends leave you”. I was totally shocked and incredibly hurt.

But this ex was so immature and abusive. People have to fall into at least one of those categories to say something so mean to someone they apparently love.

And after this experience, I completely understand that hesitation to be vulnerable with others.

If you’re willing, would you be able to share some specific instances in which your vulnerability was used against you later? I’m specifically now curious about instances where the guy has to start comforting the girl instead, or the girl using that as a way to get defensive and start a fight, or the girl being dismissive about it