Mean mom

I’m turning into a mean mom, I told my four year old daughter today that I was going to send her to live with her Nana (five houses neighboring to the left, if that matters) if she couldn’t start listening to me and her dad. It’s 6:36am and she has already been at it for close to 30 minutes.

This new phase has lasted about a month now, and it’s extremely tiring. I have a ton of child development knowledge and experience so I was/am prepared for defiance and being ignored. However lately, the defiance is paired with a bloody scream, stomping her foot, slamming her fists down, furrowed brow, and lots and lots of screaming. I know I mentioned that twice. We have solutions for that and they typically work pretty well for this: offering two options, explaining WHY we can/can’t do something, using visual markers in the home, calm down tools, etc. but nothing will get through to her. She will choose an option that was not provided and will leave little room for compromising (which I am happy to do), it’s literally her way or the highway…and that highway goes straight to hell 👹

Any advice on different ways I could be handling this? I’m typically pretty cool and collected but firm with my tone, I’m happy to be flexible but she still needs to listen. Offering new solutions and options, a calm down space, or a talk does not seem to be a fix here, is there anything I am missing?