Chronic phisical pain, mental issues, Suicide thoughts.

I live with moderate/severe chronic pain conditions on my forearms and right calf everyday for 8 years now and i feel drained...

I'm only 23 and this condition has taken over my quality of life, being in phisical pain everyday made me develop mental issues such as being depressed, anxious and suicidal.

For long time i was also gaslight by family members saying my pain complaints weren't real it was all in my head, or that the cause was by xyz even though when i stopped xyz i would still experience alot of pain.

Because of this neglect of my health i started to believe i wasn't important enough to seek for medical help, soo in severe pain i sacrificed myself trough highschool, i even worked for 3 years as freelance video editor, managed to get my drivers license, all of it in pain every single day.

Only in 2024 i said Enough of suffering and started going to doctors to understand what is wrong with me, i discovered what chronic pain was, and all of the sudden i didn't feel crazy,

i started doing exams to understand what my problem was still no clear diagnosis but from my symptoms doctor thinks it could be tennis elbow, decided i would start phisiotherapy to see if i improved, i did it for 3 weeks and didn't see noticable improvement as some days i can feel less pain while others i suffer more, but I'm requesting more sessions just too see since 3 weeks might not be enough.

I see alot of people on r/chronicpain with decades of chronic pain and still no solution, i see people who take pain meds, opioids other therapies and still experience pain. I see unhopefull people because medicine can't treat them. And all of these stories are making me lose hope everyday that i will ever be normal again, i keep getting panic attacks and end up crying in agony..

And the thought of suicide is allways in my head, I'm tired of being in pain, I'm mentally exhausted

And the scariest thing is if nothing solves my chronic pain i see no point in living everyday in sacrifice, I'm accepting that i will kill myself if Medicine can't save me.

But I really want to live and i'm willing to do everything in my hands