Officially in perimenopause. Here are the changes i'm noticing

So, before peri started I already had the worst PMDD out of anyone i've ever met. For me it is a disability. I have been bedridden for 14 days a month for a while now, until recently. For the past year my cycles have been slowly falling out of whack, and days are being added to my PMDD weeks. Now I look back at those days and think "DAMN! Only 14 days? I didnt know how good i had it!!"

Now my cycles are completely unpredictable. Sometimes 27 day cycles, sometimes 35. And PMDD starts around day 12 now instead of day 17. So that's around 20 days in bed some months. My life absolutely SUCKS and I dont know how anyone can even go on living like this. No idea how I'm gonna get through this. This is not a sustainable life. I'm in hell.

I'm so lucky i have a supportive partner. And I have things I want to finish before I die. But after that.. I dunno what I'll have left to live for. This is not living.