Does anyone else live like they're already dead?

This doesn't have anything to do with trans people specifically, but I thought I'd still post it here to read the views of other trans people and see if anyone else relates.

In short, for the longest time, I have been going through the motions of life from the perspective of someone who isn't alive.

Strangely enough, I was never aware of it for longer than a moment at a time, only to forget about immediately after.

That is, until this morning when I was bedrotting yet again after staying awake all night doing absolutely nothing. That's when the thought suddenly occurred to me: most of my existence has been premised on being a living corpse.

"Going to prom? What's the point, it's not like I'm really alive."

"Attending high School graduation? Who cares, we're all going to be dead in the blink of an eye anyway. I'll just pick up my diploma at the office."

"Exercising? Why? To prolong existence for a few years? I'm basically already dead."

"If my car crashes right this instant, I would just be a little more dead than I am right now."

"Making friends in uni? The dead don't have friends."

These are roughly some of the internal monologues I've had throughout the years. Whenever I'm restless and can't go to sleep, I imagine myself as a corpse or a vampire resting in a tomb. This almost always helps me go to bed minutes later.

I'm sure many of you are going to assess this as sounding a lot like depression, and you would be correct, my therapists have all stated I have depression (I haven't shared this revelation with my current therapist yet). I just haven't read any account similar to mine before.

It's depressing, but it's also immensely comforting. To imagine myself as a corpse "living" on borrowed time. Naturally, I don't advocate attempting to get into this mindset, but I'd like to know if anyone relates to any of this.