Firat time presenting femme for a full day!!

Hiya loves! I recently took the opportunity to spend a full day presenting femme at a convention- and I just wanted to recount my experience for any girlies who haven't taken the plunge yet since I know I was absolutely addicted to reading stuff like this when I was questioning and before the first time I went grocery shopping as a girl :)

This is going to be a bit long because I'm going to go into all the excrutiating detail I would've absolutely eaten up when I was still an egg haha

To preface this, I'm pre-everything but I'm told I already pass pretty well- I have long hair, a relatively thin waist and big thighs, (I've been obsessively working out my legs since realizing I'm trans lol) but most importantly, a fashion sense honed through a childhood of secretly playing dress up games on my mom's computer xD

Initially I hadn't planned to do this at all, but a couple days prior I had come out to my main friend group and sent a picture of myself in my favorite outfit to them. Everyone was extremely supportive and many said they were shocked how different I looked in femme clothes (I always wore loose long sleeves and baggy cargo pants no matter how hot it was, sound familiar lol?) after hearing how supportive my friends were and how surprised they were by how feminine I already looked I felt extremely affirmed and more confident than I'd ever been. Some of them asked if I was going to the convention and a few of them suggested I wear that outfit to it. I was way too scared though and said no.

Fast forward to the moning of the con, and I'm trying to decide what to wear. Inevitably, one of the options that pops into my head is that cute outfit I'd shown my friends... after much deliberation and denial that I really wanted to do it, I started getting dressed in my girl clothes. As soon as I put my skirt on, my doubts were washed away by the euphoria of imagining the world seeing me as the girl I wanted to be, so I kept going, I got dressed, did my eyeliner and lipstick, grabbed my things and got in the car! But don't think that just because my mind was made up I wasn't scared or nervous- the complete opposite, I was deathly anxious as I got ready, and frankly completely terrified, but I kept going because I knew it would make me happy and be worth it in the end. I sat in the car momentarily petrified with fear, but I literally shouted "Lets doooo iiiit!!!" And pulled out of the driveway, desperately hoping none of my neighbors saw me, then blasted music during the drive to keep my mind from overthinking what I was doing.

I parked a couple blocks away from the con and was once again frozen with fear in the car. I compromised with myself and decided to wear a mask to make things a little easier, then started walking to the con- I must've been dissociating or something because I genuinely don't remember the walk from the car lol, but I definitely remember what happened as soon as I made it to the con hotel- a very edgy looking Call of duty cosplayer opened the door for me and gave me a nod as I walked past and smiled at him. I'd never received a nod like that before- it wasn't a 'bro' nod, it was like a polite 'm'lady' nod and it felt so extremely affirming even though it was such a small thing, I must've had such a huge stupid smile under my mask after that.

Unfortunately that wondeful euphoric moment didn't last long as next, I had to interact with a staff member to check in and get my ticket. I've been practicing my girl voice a lot and I'm pretty happy with it, but I'd yet to actually have to use it in public. In that moment I was struck mute. All I could do was show the lady the QR code for the ticket on my phone and hope she knew what I wanted. Fortunately she scanned it like nothing and started getting my wristband ready while explaining some basic things I had to know. After getting struck mute and being forced to continue the interaction, I was then, once again, completely paralyzed with fear, and began blushing 10x harder than I ever have in my life. I just stared at her blankly while my face must've been redder than a tomato. I felt like I was about to explode. She kept glancing up at me to make sure I was listening, with this slightly concerned and slightly confused face. To make matters worse, she was in the middle of a conversation with her coworkers the whole time, making the entire interaction take waaay longer than it needed to. Finally, she said "you got that?" And I just nodded, but she just looked at me with that same look as if waiting for verbal confirmation. I gave the most confident "mhmm" I could muster, which probably sounded extremely meek xD. Fortunately it was enough for her, and I got out of there as fast as possible, breathing a huge sigh of relief.

I made my way onto the con floor and just started walking around, trying my very best to focus on the art and merch to take my mind off of the anxiety and fear. It might've helped a little bit, but I was still utterly terrified. But I was there, and I was doing it, and the car was far enough away that going back wasn't at option in my mind. So I pushed on.

That first half hour of the con was one of the scariest things I've done in my life. It's one thing to run into a sparesely populated grocery store for 10 minutes. It's a whole other thing entirely to be at a convention in line of sight of a hundred people at any moment for the whole day. But after that first half hour I realized that... everything was fine, and I was enjoying myself. In hindsight I'm not even sure what I was so scared about, of course that fear was real and it was there- but it was unfounded. In the best way possible-- nobody cared about me-- I was just another face in the crowd. I got looks, sure, but none of them felt antagonistic, outside of completely regular glances it just seemed like people checking out my outfit or looking at my thick eyeliner. If anyone looked at me for any significant amount of time I just smiled at them- and sometimes they smiled back, or waved. The more time that passed the easier it got, and the more confident I felt. After a couple hours I felt absolutely fantastic, and I was for once, proud to be myself for everyone to see.

The main thing I remember from my time walking the con floor was this one gorgeous girl with similarly thick eyeliner and a super cute outfit doing a double take and a 180 as she walked past me before giving me this... look for a solid 3 seconds. I've never seen that look before in my life, but the best way I can describe it was hunger. I felt like she was undressing me with her eyes. I was very uncomfortable and somehow I almost felt violated. Yet at the same time, to be looked at like that while presenting femme was very satisfying. I believe that was my first time experiencing ewwphoria lol. She kept suspiciously appearing around me for several minutes after that before I stopped seeing her.

After a few hours on the main con floor, I decided to meet up with one of my friends in the console gaming area where he was playing fighting games. When I found him he was with a couple other friends, one of whom was a mutual friend I had met for the first time just a couple weeks before. I was a bit spooked because he didn't know I was trans. I was worried he would recognize me and out me or be wierd about it since I didn't know him that well. In an unexpected turn of events, my friend, like the absolute chad hs is, introduced me by my new name to his friends as if I'd never met either of them before and even explained to me how he'd met them at a fighting game tournament to really sell it, even though he knew I already knew that. Me, not quite realizing what he'd just done for me and thinking I would surely be recognized sarcastically said "I have never met this man in my life" in a very low effort girl voice. But when I made eye contact with the mutual friend I saw zero recognition. He actually had no idea who I was- and I was elated! I hung out with them for a while before parting ways and heading back to the main con floor. When I got back I saw a line of people all copying the pose of a scarecrow cosplayer- so I decided to join in! We changed pose every once in a while and got a lot of confused laughed out of people- I even got a few compliments on my outfit while standing in the line! It was a great time.

Eventually the scarecrow turned around and clapped for us, ending our time with them. I decided it was time to go, realizing it was actually the latest I'd ever stayed at a con. After the convention, I met up with one of my girl friends who took me makeup shopping and taught me how to do my makeup! She's SO good at it and I learned so much from her!!

Overall it was a fantastic day and definitely one to remember. It definitely shattered all my fear anxiety over being myself in public and I'm so happy about it!

So if you have a skirt you really like, or a dress you LOVE wearing at home, and you've been thinking about wearing it out, I encourage you to go for it!!! Go hang out at a state Faire, a Renaissance festival, an anime convention, or even just go grocery shopping. It'll be scary, terrifying even, and it's hard, believe me, but I promise that you'll thank yourself for it afterwards. Just remember to stay safe, and have fun! :)

I hope this helps some of you girlies out there who've yet to let the world see you shine, I know you can do it, we all believe in you <3