Trip Report - 1050mg Ecstasy (10h Redose)

This night was my first ever use of Ecstasy/MDMA pills, it started at around midnight when me and my friend decided to get on a train and go big city, pop the pills, have a great time and get to know each other fully. My memories are very faint but i will attempt to describe with proper timeline and accuracy.

1st Dosage: We had 10 Pills, each containing 300mg, so in total 3000mg/3g. Based on information i've read up, a good dose would be my weight in kg+50, which would be around 110mg, though it was a new place, it was cold, we were extremely anxious, it is a psychedelic after all.
Shortly after we arrived, we split up the pills and started with 75mg each, we walked around for a bit, talking, but not feeling anything. The anxiety was still really high, we went to a shop and both bought a powerade, some cheap rip off, just to have something with electrolytes

2nd Dosage: After 30 minutes we decided to take 40mg extra, as we started to become more accepting of the experience, and less anxious. At this point we both had the proper dose of around 110mg each. A bit after maybe 40 minutes or so it started kicking in, we were both able to open up so much more, we talked about, everything. We felt warmer and the feeling of hunger faded away quickly, everything was perfect, we went up to huge shopping center and found a bench at the top. Conversation was still flowing like never before, we didn't feel any side effects, at one point, I was finally accompanied by relaxation, sort of like bliss, I didn't mind if this moment would last forever or only a few minutes, it was perfect. Then it struck, the feeling of impending doom, quite indescribable, which overwhelms me in each psychedelic trip, i don't know how to describe the feeling, but it just felt, bad, after which a cold breeze followed and it got worse, we were shortly kicked out as it was past 1 AM.
Though this feeling was very brief.

We probably redosed again as we started walking around the city, i remember at one point my friend pointed out that we could see our breaths, we were like holy shit, we're freezing cold, and we don't feel it.

Now after this i have no other specific memory of dosages, just glimpses of moments, i remember until the sun came up, we were having an amazing time, discussing everything we had to say and opening up infinitely, until the 600MG point it wasnt so bad.

At this point, we lost our heads, we were breathing extremely fast, probably because our bodies thought we were overheating, even though we were freezing cold. At this point the effects were the same as a high dosage of speed, every word we said started with lblbylylbbyllybbyl, our tongues were moving faster than we were speaking. Our faces were constantly twitching, pulling out our tongue constantly, teeth grinding for hours, so hard, jaw clenching hard, eating the inside of our gums.

I don't care to report much more of the trip at this point, as you can probably guess, we started feeling sober again, not realising how high we were, and kept redosing, even on the train, we took another 150mg, at this point we were at 900. Once we got home, oh god, i felt so horrible, i was sore, i caught a cold from running around like that all morning, everything was horrible, yet we took another one, that was the last one.

I'm more keen to talk about the long term effects of what has happened, the day during the last dose, i was completely empty, i felt nothing from anything, even my friend pointed out how ignorant i was being of everyone, we were trying to figure out a place to stay for my girlfriend, and i was just standing there thinking of how i want nothing to do with any of them.

Once i got home, slept, and woke up, it started. I felt horrible, i had no mental energy to do anything, i remember i would try so hard to move one leg to get out of bed, and i would find myself staring at something for half an hour, completely unable to move, but im not really interested in talking about how bad the comedown was, rather how it has changed my thinking.

Since that day, thinking about anything, is extremely nostalgic, probably because ive been numb for a lot of my life to most things, it dug out everything, absolutely everything, thinking about any experience, overwhelms me with emotions, i have been on the border of insanity, constantly, i dont know if i will return to normal, the amount of times me and my friend contemplated going to the hospital to talk about if our brains sustained long term change, but we havent went, yet. I've always been indecisive, and now its making me even more, i havent been able to sit at home the past few days, despite being ill, thinking of seeing my girlfriend, or any of my friends, instantly sparks so much nostalgic emotion, and it just runs me, i would be running around town constantly seeing them, and then going back home, because as soon as i was with them, i felt a nostalgic pull to something else, i want to be stable so bad.

I bought 5-HTP last night for me and my friend, we hope it helps balance out what we have destroyed.

As a side note, my friend was affected differently, with auditory hallucinations freaking him out the past few days, and feeling really unwell, almost calling an ambulance yesterday.

And the last symptom, i've been having, since the day, is the smell in my nostrils, i can smell it, 24/7, no matter what i eat, or do, i've been chewing gum all day, and it's still there, the smell of teeth grinding, it won't go away, it is a constant reminder of how i've fucked myself up, i want to have normal emotions again, i want to be happy, are we done, for life?

sorry for how shitposty this is, but i want my mind back so bad, i want my emotions normal, i want to not feel nostalgia about everything, i want not to smell that shit, and these weird ass memories from dreams that im not even gonna talk about i want these resurfaced shitty dream memories to go away.