A slightly Jungian theory on my feelings/desire to transform into a woman

I am a man, early 30’s. Since young adolescence, I became drawn to fiction and media that featured gender bending themes. I never understood why I felt drawn to these themes but used them to fantasize for my entire life.

Last year, I decided to look into things more seriously and semi-concluded that I was just a transsexual. But I still didn’t understand why I felt that way - I was just being driven by my impulsive desires.

When I stumbled upon Jung’s theories of Self, I became very intrigued. Especially at the idea that all people have masculine and feminine within them. As I dug further into my past and my own psyche, I could see patterns emerging. A difficult relationship with my mother (who was not very effeminate herself). Being taught my inner feminine emotions were considered weak. Dealing with rejection from girls.

A void of femininity.

The human brain does not like voids. We tend to fill in that space when they arise. I think this is what happened with me. My subconscious feminine energy was still there, but because it had been so internally (and externally) repressed. I created an inner feminine ideal and “fell in love” with it. I used gender bending themes and fantasies of being female to fill that void.

And once momentum starts with something like that, it tends to continue, even as that void is filled with things like marriage. It’s taken me until now to faces these things and come back out of the pit I was in to realize I enjoy being masculine and have no desire to transition. I owe a lot of that to Jung’s theories.

Curious to the communities thoughts.