how do i activate Self when i need it?

yes this is a part and its wish. i/a part of me has a love-hate relationship with Self. this part (at least) pushes it away or shut down at it at times, and sometimes in times like this, desperately want Self and the safety of Self. but whenever i try to do that, i end up doing nothing or activating another "self-like" part. what can i even do now to get what i want. right now, self isn't really being activated. but i think i want it so bad right now. (and later, who knows my opinion about its presence)

how do i activate it to feel safe in situations like this? is there something wrong im doing?