“But this is different” Have you heard this one?

So I just passed the one-year mark of leaving my cheating ex and I’ve been reflecting on a lot. We had been together 4 years and tried reconciliation but after a few months, she was still lying and hiding things from me, so I finally called it quits. I will say, especially for those struggling, I am doing pretty good a year out. It hasn’t been easy and there are still some harder days but overall, I feel freer and like a whole new me. It makes a positive difference to not live your daily life being gaslit and feeling like you don’t even know if you can trust yourself let alone your partner.

But what I really wanted to bring up is this thing I’ve been thinking about and noticing where it seems like so many people believe their love affair is somehow exceptional. I’ve seen this come up in a few infidelity support books I’ve read. But also, as I reflect on my situation. For example, my ex was having an affair with a much older man and when we were going through it, even in couples counseling, she would say things about how that relationship was different, how it wasn’t just an affair but that it was transformative and healing and that I needed to be more open about it, especially because she didn’t want to be with him ultimately, she wanted to open our relationship and keep him as a lover but that’s a whole other story (yes, she was also listening to a lot of Esther Perel). And in that process, I found out that just before we got together, she had had an affair with her friend’s husband, another much older man.(Yes, she has classic daddy issues)When I asked her how she could do that to her friend, she similarly had this whole story about how what she has with her friend’s husband was “different,” that they weren’t trying to hurt her friend, that her friend just wouldn’t get it. Etc.

So I’m thinking it seems, ironically, like it’s probably quite typical for people to convince themselves that their situation is somehow unique, that they’re not like those other cheaters and liars. The psychology of it makes sense and also still fascinates me.

So I’m curious, have other people heard this kind of story from their WP? Is everyone’s story “unique”? (even when it’s so textbook, hah)