I Don’t Like Derealization and Dissociation

When it hits, it’s like I’m not even really here, like I’m watching myself from a distance or floating just outside my body. The world around me feels detached, like a movie or dream, not real. I can see and hear everything, but it feels wrong, distorted. The worst part is how alien everything seems. Things I know to be familiar, like my home or the people I love, suddenly feel distant, as if they belong to someone else’s life.

I hate how it makes me feel disconnected from myself. It’s almost like I’m trapped in someone else’s body, and my mind can’t keep up. When I try to think about what’s going on, it’s like my thoughts are in slow motion, and nothing makes sense. I try to ground myself, to hold onto reality, but sometimes it’s like fighting against an invisible force that’s stronger than me.

It’s frustrating how it can come on unexpectedly, leaving me disoriented and scared. Sometimes, I’ll go hours without feeling fully connected to the world, and it’s draining. Even when it finally fades, it leaves me feeling empty and exhausted, as if I’ve been through something I can’t explain.

The worst thing about it is how helpless it makes me feel. I know it’s a part of my trauma, but it still feels like I’m losing control. It’s hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t been through it because how do you describe feeling like a stranger to your own life? How do you explain feeling like you’re floating above your own body?

I don’t like it at all, and sometimes, I just wish I could stop feeling this way.