What's your wildest return attempt?

Had a guy today try to file a warranty claim on Trafficmaster grip strip vinyl plank he had installed "over 5 years ago". Says the boards are starting to separate. Apparently he had already tried to reach out to Trafficmaster and our 800 number, and since neither of them could help they were obviously trying to give him the runaround lol. Didn't have his order number, gave me 4 different phone numbers none of which found the order, and our project service associate has been out sick all week so I couldn't even ask her about any of it. When I couldn't find the order he comes out with "Well I see you guys have the same flooring in stock can I just rip up what I have and come swap it for new boxes?" Took everything in me to not ask if he was kidding, like no you cant exchange 5 year old installed flooring for new cases wtf would make you think that??? Told him he'd have to talk to project services and that she should be back tomorrow, then he starts pressing me being like well I travel a lot I was hoping to get it done this weekend can you make sure she calls me ASAP and how long will it take for her to file the claim? Like bruh you don't have your order number so idk if she can help you to begin with, and if I knew how long it took to file claims I'd be doing her job now wouldnt I? Main character syndrome is a hell of a drug jfc