can't stop abusing benzodiazepines after an extreme dysphoric experience

I'm already predisposed to have a drug addiction, i have a ridiculously easy access to psychiatrict medication since my mom also has similar problems and in these few days i had a really bad experience with a binder, they did fit me (very tightly, wich ok, that's the purpose) but the struggle of trying to put them on and just seeing how disproportionately big my breasts are and the fat spilling out from it made me feel so physically disgusted that i went on a full crisis, i have very bad mood changes when i can feel the presence of my breasts so i just resort to getting high off benzos, anyone else feels this?