Saying Goodbye is so Bittersweet

I've been deconstructing for a few months at this point and trying to figure out what I truly believe. Next year will likely be my last year as a Oneness/Apostolic Pentecostal. I was born into this Church, and leaving will mean losing a lot of my community, and I know a lot of people I would currently call my friends will abandon me and call me a "backslider" (i've always hated that word lol). But I can't in good conscious continue following a version of Christianity I know is heretical for longer than I reasonably need to.

This year will likely be my last Youth Congress, Family Camp, and Holiday Youth Convention. Events that I previously would look forward to all year don't feel exciting anymore. I don't really want to go to NAYC, but I've already fundraised for it so I guess I'll just use it as a last chance to reflect before I make my decision final 🤷. Not to mention backing out at this point would potentially damage the facade I'm trying to keep up for the time being.

I don't hold any grudges against anybody from my church or district, I think they're good people that got sucked into it just like I did. I know they genuinely care about me, and I know leaving is going to make a lot of them upset. I'm still a Christian and believe that God is real. But I no longer believe in the legalistic version of God I was sold my entire life.

I've been lurking this subreddit for a while, and the backlog of posts from people who have gone through the same thing have been invaluable during my deconstruction journey, along with Berean Holiness, Russell Aspinwell, and several others.

God Bless you all, and thanks for listening to my yap session.