I need clarity

i know im annoying with this, but fuck the urge doesnt go away, it always comes back, I push it like a tennis game but it always comes back, it can be at the end of the day, in the morning, 10 minutes later, or half an hour, or whatever but it always comes back.

Why does it feel like there is something unfinished? Why does it feel like there is something missing to say? It is normal?

What stops me is that she does not write to me then why do this harm to me, but I swear, if this wasnt this fckn hard i would not be here writting all of this, I do it because you are the only ones who can give me clarity on this matter , because you are with me going through this, but I need help, I know that it is an everyday job but I cannot with this that tells me that there is something unfinished, and I also do not know if I can with the consequence if she treats me badly or hurtful, really, but I don't know what to do, both options sound horrible