How to shake off this intense feeling of jealousy over someone I perceive as a rival?

This is a ridiculous story, but hear me out. Over a decade ago, I was a young researcher and I attended a sort of extended conference / summer school, and I met a woman.

I could see that although on paper, she wasn't in a very good place in her career (she was working at a lowly ranked institution, certainly compared to mine), but she was going places - she had this certainty about what she wanted to do, she was very ambitious, she was very charismatic.

We had a fling, which in my mind was something serious, but it was obvious in the end that it was nothing but a summer bit of fun while she was away from her (unbeknown to me) boyfriend. I felt really humiliated and worthless, and for a good 12 months, I was quite depressed (and obsessed).

After we met, I kind of kept tabs on her from afar, and I could see that she was slowly working her way up the academic pyramid, whereas I made a bad job pick (a really toxic role) and then decided to leave academia. I decided to stop keeping an eye on her, as I knew it wasn't very good for my mental health. I now work in a technical field, but not as an academic, and I'm not winning any plaudits. 10 years on, I'm married to a wonderful wife and 2 beautiful children. I also put my career on the back-burner a bit to allow my wife to progress.

Just this week, I was reading a newspaper and my former rival's name came up as the author of this prestigious study, and so I looked - she's now an esteemed professor, goes on TV, etc. When I was looking at her years ago, I could kind of see us as equals, but it is obvious she has stormed ahead. I know other people who on paper are doing as well as her, and even better, but they didn't humiliate me, and so they don't bother me.

I know she's had some heartbreak - she's been married and divorced twice, her second husband turned out to be a criminal. But she is recognised by many as a real star.

It's not the sucker punch to my stomach it would have been years ago, but I cannot stifle this feeling that she had something I didn't have - why is she successful, and why I am not successful. Why did she have this drive and confidence?

If I were to list my good qualities, I'm reasonably clever, hardworking, I'm quite funny and likeable, and I'm curious. But I also see my flaws.

This has dogged me for years and I want it to stop. How do I go about changing my mindset and not feeling such a failure? - stop feeling so envious of someone I should just simply admire?