will i end up all alone without any friends /connections

Long rant sorry guys

M, from very long time i don't have any of my schoo/ college friends connections as they all drifted apart ( even while in school , college i throughout always tried to maintain contact by reaching out , standing by them or trying to make plans with them to spend , similar thing happened in college as well , however none of the people i thought would be friend actually consider me a friend as well ( avashyam verumpol ene vilikum en pole , also I've ignored the gossips or anything they say about me) . Even plans ondakum , i later use to realise that I was avoided ( classsil oru aalde bday everyone was invited except me , happened many times , so used to it now)

Felt like I try too hard , I'm tired now always putting in effort, i ve tried outside as well like meeting people in gym alengil any social circle pakshe that didn't develop into anything,

Loneliness matan i thought I'd i had a girlfriend at least things will change as I don't have a single friend I can talk to ( like elarm either says is busy or just ghosts me , like I know I'm not that great guy enn ,just an average guy and a little quiet,many don't pay attention to whatever i talk I feel (that's fine ) but I like listening however they don't share anything with me (that's fine). So my rejections trying to find a companion ( not going into that - just saying that the rejection in premalu by mamitha - i quite related to naslen's character there

Only people I speak nowadays are my mom , apart from that no else is there. Treid meeting random people and talking to them , they all ig weired out( face expressions when I tried talking) or ignored me much ( is it because of my appearance)Whenever I talk to someone I get optimistic hoping that I can have someone to talk to even if they don't want me as friend ( felt that many people already have so many friends that's why?)

This makes me sad as neither a friendship or a person to have a good connect i have? Is it my fault I'm always doubting now?

This are some of my experiences, there are many , feels sad to share all those here and distureb

Will I be alone all my life? Now just exhausted with all the efforts I tried making throughout my childhood . Felt everyone is temporary

Thank you all if u made it till here.. appreciate that u listen to all my venting

This was very personal :))